Why I Am Not a Star

(A Blog Where I Get To Use (Lots of) Parentheses!)

There are two reasons I’m glad I’m not a movie or television star.  Oh sure, the money would be great, and who doesn’t like to be the center of attention?  I have children instead of a posse, so instead of hearing, “Can I get you anything?” “Are you hungry?” “What do you want me to do for you?”  I hear “Will you buy me a candy bar?”  “I’m starving, when’s dinner?” (spoken in the kitchen 3 feet from a stove top full of steaming saucepans while the wife and I are setting the table.)  I also hear, “Can you drive me to Meghan’s, or the mall, or to school so I can sleep later?” (No, I don’t reply with, “I can, but I’m betting you really want to know if I will.”) 

photo – wallsoffame.com

Okay, maybe I’m giving up a few things, but I’m not prepared  for some of the consequences of stardom.  I frequently see photo essays about “Stars Who Lost Their Looks!”  Usually one of the featured actors is John Travolta.  Let’s see, he played Vinnie Barbarino in 1975.  1975! Jimmie Carter was president (you may have read about him if you pay attention to footnotes in history books.)  Until April of 1975 we still had US troops in Viet Nam (again, check the footnotes.) 

 Of course he looks different!  He’s older!

 

photo – hollywoodreporter.com

Do you think that a 20 year old Wilford Brimley looked the same as he does today?  Wouldn’t it be creepy if your parents still looked twenty? How about your grandparents?

 (I’ll wait for everyone to finish saying, “EWWWWW!”)

 In high school my fashion sense was based on the “The Monkees” (Check Nick at Nite rather than history book footnotes.)  When I was a young adult, polyester leisure suits were de rigueur.  (Please don’t look them up anywhere.)  I wouldn’t want to dress the way I did when I was younger, and I don’t want to look that way either.

 The second reason (you thought I’d forgotten, didn’t you) is that actors are paid to say things that writers create. 

 When they say things, they normally have to do multiple takes of the same line.  (Let’s try that with more feeling)

 

When they say things, they normally have to do multiple takes of the same line.  (This time a little softer)

 

When they say things, they normally have to do multiple takes of the same line.  (No! No! No! That’s all wrong!)

 

When they say things, they normally have to do multiple takes of the same line.  (Okay, that’s better. One more for safety.)

 

 When they say things, they normally have to do multiple takes of the same line.  (All right, everybody, that’s a wrap.  Let’s go home.)

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