Monthly Archives: December 2011

You Say You Want a Resolution, Well Now You Know

Posted on December 31, 2011 | 1 Comment

The following resolutions are available to all. They have the benefit of being infinitely keepable, and even if you break them you will not feel bad.

  1. I will not forsake my family in order to concentrate on advanced quantum physics throughout 2012.
  2. I will not allow myself to become romantically distracted by Charlie Sheen, Sinead O’Conner or any member of the Kardashian family.
  3. I will avoid garlic, onion and fragrant cheeses, unless, of course, the recipe calls for them.
  4. In order to preserve my right to complain, I will vote. “Voting” includes going to the voting site, picking up my ballot and turning it in blank because none of the candidates are satisfactory.
  5. I will not pick unnecessary fights with Chuck Norris.
  6. I will take a minute each day to concentrate on what was right with it, enjoy it, and give thanks for it.
  7. At least once a week I will cleanse my mind of all frustrations for just 60 seconds, and look at my children and focus on what’s right with them.
  8. After completing #7, I will tell them what is so special about them and how much it means to me.
  9. I will take time to look into the eyes of my spouse, my significant other, or other most-important-person and share with them what I feel.
  10. I will thank God for the blessings, for His help in getting through the difficult parts, and for just being there for.

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Posted in Holidays, People, Philosophy, Politics

Winding Down 2011

Posted on December 30, 2011 | Leave a comment

I read some blogs that have tens or hundreds of thousands of readers and have to admit that I am just a bit envious. However, while I don’t attract such large numbers of readers, I do have all of you who stop by to see what goofiness I’ve thought of today. Thanks for staying interested. I’ve been writing this blog for a bit over a year. While I haven’t blogged every single day, I can claim to do so more often than not; this blog should be number 281. Again, thanks for stopping by.

Since 2011 is rapidly drawing to a close, here are some end-of-year thoughts:

Maybe Iowa and New Hampshire moving up their primaries is a good thing after all. It’s always best to get unpleasant experiences over as quickly as possible. Now if we could speed up the rest of the election.

The only thing worse than politicians trying to get elected are politicians who have been elected.

I guess it’s okay that there are so few good television programs. With trying to keep up with my kids I only have time to watch one or two per week anyway – and those are usually recorded and viewed after the fact.

Why do I think that my kids would be perfect if they’d just do everything the way I think it should be done? It didn’t work for me.

Is this the last blog for 2011? Who knows – I certainly don’t!

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Posted in Uncategorized

Big Business Strikes Again

Posted on December 29, 2011 | 2 Comments

Verizon announced that it will be charging a $2.00 convenience fee for customers to pay their bills online or by phone.
If you choose the right cell phone carrier and the right bank, you could completely deplete your bank account with transaction fees before you even actually pay for anything. If you try to pay by debit card, you might even be able to bankrupt yourself!

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Posted in Uncategorized

Even More Random Thoughts

Posted on December 28, 2011 | Leave a comment

Even though it actually takes less time to put the Christmas decorations away, why does it feel like it takes longer and is more difficult?

 

I figure the reason that people started making New Year’s resolutions was not so much because they want a fresh start with the New Year as it gives them an excuse to maintain the status quo the other 364 days.

 

When you ran into that very rude person while Christmas shopping, did you wonder if they’re always rude, or if they just save it for the holidays?

 

It’s a daunting thought that some people look at the calendar and say, “Christmas is coming! I love this time of year because it’s the best time of year to break into people’s cars!”

 

Getting past Christmas means I’m safe from fruitcake for 11 months.

 

Now that Christmas is over, take comfort in the fact that you will finally find those 24 rolls of wrapping paper you bought at the after-Christmas sale last year.

 

And finally, those embarrassingly angelic well behaved children who have been in your house since Thanksgiving will now leave so your own kids can return.

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Posted in Culture, Family, Holidays, Humor

Comparisons With My Youth

Posted on December 27, 2011 | 1 Comment

When I was a young adult, there were several cultural norms that defined my generation. Hair was long, music was loud and we didn’t trust anyone over thirty.

 

Over the years, I’ve had to adjust.

 

Let’s start with the easiest one; In the early 80′s I revised my trusting threshold to sixty and have since raised it to ninety – with the exception of car salesmen and politicians for whom no age restrictions apply.

 

Hair is an interesting topic. My father disliked the length of my hair in high school and I frequently heard, “You need a haircut!” My response was to let it grow longer. I did get it cut when I joined the Navy Reserve, but oddly the style I had worn in high school by that point was just within regulations. Go figure.

 

My older son got the follicly challenged gene from his mother’s side, so he just shaves his head. My younger son had his hair about as long as my longest style but has settled on a slightly shorter version. Apparently girls (with the exception of his mother) like it. One day he asked me if I had ever had long hair and was amazed when I told him that I used to have hair about the same length as his. Someday I’ll find a picture to prove it to him. It was shortly after that conversation that he decided a trim was in order.

 

And my hair? Since I still have it, it’s once again about the length it was in high school, albeit not quite as plentiful or brown.

 

Now we get to the music. Playing several instruments in high school exposed me to a wide variety of music styles, most of which I still enjoy, but rock and roll is still the base. I still calculate the price of music against $7.77 for most albums back in the 60′s and 70′s. I’ve tolerated the fact that my favorites have been purchased as vinyl, repurchased as 8 track tapes, cassettes, CDs and MP3s. I just remind myself that rock musicians have expenses like living in a mansion and maintaining a drug habit.

 

Today I got an e-mail from Amazon featuring a new album from Pink Floyd. I download music from Amazon and usually pay $5.00 – $7.77 (not exactly, but it fits in better with the memories…) for an album. I clicked on the link.

 

Pre-order price for a January 10 release – just $32.55.

 

$32.55? Are you kidding me? It’s Pink Floyd, but still!

 

I’ll reconsider when it goes on sale for $7.77.

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Posted in Culture, Family, Music

Christmas Is Over

Posted on December 26, 2011 | Leave a comment

Christmas is over – just like at the first Christmas. Back then the shepherds returned to their flocks. The wise men returned to the east. Everything was pretty much back to normal. Just like here and now.

Of course there are the bills to pay, and of course the decorations must be taken down and stored until next year, except, of course those that will be retired after having been hung for too many years.

Christmas is over. Mary, Joseph, and their newborn son leave Bethlehem. Unfortunately they cannot go home since King Herod, having learned that a new king is born has declared that all male babies in Bethlehem be executed in order to safeguard his throne. The family instead heads to Egypt to hide out until things calm down.

Christmas is over. Eventually the family returns from Egypt and Jesus goes to live in his home town, learning his father’s trade as a carpenter.

But in the same way Jesus ultimate role in life was not to be a carpenter, so too we are reminded that when Christmas is over our life’s work is just beginning. Those who follow Christ and call themselves Christians now need to take the joy of Christmas and put it to work. We are called to love, nurture, help, and be an example to others, not to bring attention to ourselves, but to demonstrate what the coming of Christ has meant to us.

So as we transition into a new year, remember that even though Christmas is over, Christmas is not the checkered flag – instead it’s the starting gun.

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Why Christmas is Miserable

Posted on December 24, 2011 | 1 Comment

While one might think that Christmas is such a joyous and happy time that it is hard to find any negativity to associate with it. However, the curmudgeons of the world have complained loudly that they are being ignored this Christmas season and are demanding that their voice be heard as well.

Their massive movement began earlier in the fall, starting with boycotts of the Akron Zips football games. When this failed to attract the mainstream media they knew more aggressive measures were required. You may have not been aware of their Magnus Opus, “Occupy Toledo.” Their choice of location may have contributed to that.

In a desperate attempt to get publicity they set their tents in front of the Toledo Blade building, waving signs that said, “We hate the 99% AND the 1%!” The most creative sign was based on the wiggle pictures we knew as kids. The sign read “It’s all the Democrats Fault,” but the word “Democrat” alternated with the word “Republican” as the sign moved. Unfortunately the Blade prefers to get its news from the AP, UPI rather than reporters, so the movement didn’t even make the local news.

Having failed with these measures, a massive attack on this website occurred. Apparently my website was chosen at random. More than 3 e-mails were sent and 6 internet users launched a desperate denial of service attack. Fortunately, Word Press is a hearty blog site provided and together we were able to suffer throught the attakcs.

However, in the interest of fair play, I have agreed to publish their demands. This was not a capitulation, since in return they agreed that the entire membership of the movement would subscribe to my blog. I saw this as a win-win. They get their Curmudgeon Manifesto published and I get; a) a topic for a blog and b) more readers.

So without further ado, here are the reasons as to Why Christmas Is Miserable:

  1. There is no actual product that even remotely resembles the item “As Seen on TV.”
  2. Batteries not included.
  3. Some assembly required
  4. Missing pieces-parts when some assembly is required
  5. Fruitcake
  6. Checkout lines during the holidays
  7. Socks and underwear wrapped up and given as alleged gifts
  8. People you never see at church except for Christmas and Easter who take your favorite seat
  9. Chia pets
  10. The clapper
  11. Fruitcake (yes, it needs to be mentioned twice)

So there you have it. The First Amendment rights of the curmudgeons to state their grievances have been upheld. Fair play for all.

Now it’s time for action. Today every reader needs to walk up to a curmudgeon and commiserate with them as to why Christmas is such a pain. Try to sound sincere, put your arm around them while you talk.

Oh, and if you pick their pocket while you have your arm around them it’ll give them something even better to talk about for years to come.

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Posted in Blog, Holidays, Humor, People, Philosophy

An Interview with Santa!

Posted on December 20, 2011 | 1 Comment

From time to time I have the opportunity to interview some of the more interesting people from around the world.  Given that it’s Christmas, I am especially thrilled to be able to interview Santa Claus.  While I can’t divulge details, I can say that I was taken to Santa’s “workshop.”  In truth it is far more of a modern, high efficiency factory, heavily automated and computer driven.

“Santa, it’s so kind of you to take time to talk with me at such a busy time of year.”

Well, I’m really not taking time.  As you can see, I’m still working, but after doing this for so many years, talking and working at the same time is hardly a challenge.

“In any case, I appreciate it.  I see that most manufacturing up here is automated.  I always thought that it was the elves who made the toys.”

That was fine when the world was not so densely populated, but these days we have to use every modern tool in order to keep on top of things.  Most of the elves are into design or research and development.  One elf with a reasonable CAD/CAM system can design, test and finalize 20 or 30 different toys per year.  This includes everything from the original idea, through assembly and packaging.  Besides, after a while hand-painting dolls gets a little old, so they’re much happier. 

“This has to be an extremely expensive operation.  How are you able to pay for all the Christmas presents for all the children?”

We actually don’t pay for all the presents.  You look at the average Christmas morning and parents buy their kids the bulk of the presents, with Santa making up the rest.  For the less fortunate children the Marine Corps “Toys for Tots” and other groups are a lifesaver.  However there are still a lot of gifts that we handle. 

Years ago we were able to operate using loose change dropped under couch cushions and money people let in old purses or pockets.  You add that up throughout the world and it really adds up.  The elves were quite good at locating that kind of funding.  However, it doesn’t make sense to let this factory sit idle for over half the year, so we keep it running making a variety of other products that are sold through regular retail chains and on the internet. 

“Santa, that sounds like good business, but how do you get your products from here to the retailers?”

Mainly by shipping through China.  We stamp “Made in China” on the bottom, load it into shipping containers and then get it on ships going to America, Europe or wherever.  The Chinese get a handling fee, of course, plus our products help them in earning a reputation for quality. When someone in China cuts corners or uses lead based paint, they not only bring Chinese manufacturing bad publicity, but the leaders know it could lead to us taking our shipping elsewhere.  India would love to take it over, and I get a call from Brazil at least once a week.  For now, though almost everything goes through China January through September.   

“Is it profitable to do that?”

Absolutely!  Elf labor is absolutely free.  When you’re seven or eight hundred years old, you probably already have owned anything and everything you could ever dream of.  Besides, if one of us thinks of something we really want, we just whip it up in the factory.  Outside the factory are the living areas, so eating and sleeping is covered.  Given the travel we do on Christmas Eve, no one wants to travel for pleasure. The expensive part is raw materials, but the containers of toys and other goods we send through China come back filled with wood, metal, plastic, electronics and whatever else we need.  We’ve even got a nice little nest egg tucked away should we need it. 

“What about the actual delivery system.  How are you able to get all the toys and gifts delivered in one night?”

Everyone pitches in on delivery.  You think FedEx or UPS is impressive? You’ve never seen elves on a mission.  Everything is bar coded, scanned and routed automatically ready for loading on one of the sleighs.  Year ago we figured out that we could set the sleighs up so that the sleigh driver would look just like me.  Each elf takes a sleigh to his route so we can divide and conquer.  We work east to west to take advantage of the different time zones.  Needless to say, we’ve pretty much got it down to a science. 

“Why is it that people don’t see your sleigh in the sky?”

What? You think you folks invented stealth technology?  On Christmas Eve I could be six inches away from you and you wouldn’t know I was there.  Well there was one time that I ate roasted garlic before leaving, but that’s another  story. 

“Like you said, you’ve been doing this for a while.”

A  l-o-n-g while! 

“So what do you do when you finish the deliveries?  Do you just fall into bed?  Do you chill for the rest of the day?”

Ho! Ho! Ho!  

You forget that Santa Claus means SAINT Nicholas! On Christmas morning the elves and I go to church and celebrate.  We kneel down and thank God for Jesus’ coming.  We thank Him for giving us a reason to celebrate this holiday and we thank Him for the reason we get to make all the children so happy!

Merry Christmas and Peace on Earth to People of Good Will!

 

 

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Posted in Business, Celebrity, Communications, Culture, Family, Fiction, Holidays, Humor, Management, People, Philosophy, Religion, Technology

Christmas Week

Posted on December 19, 2011 | Leave a comment

Scrooge notwithstanding, it’s natural to enjoy the Christmas season.  At the very worst it brings out the child still buried within us. At best it fuels our spiritual existence.

It wasn’t always so.  The first Christmas – the REAL Christmas was pretty much ignored by almost everyone.  There were the young men – probably closer to boys – who were tending sheep out in the fields.  Tending sheep is not the most intellectual stimulating endeavor, so anything to break the monotony would be a good thing.  However, it’s safe to say that this was not a truly life altering experience for these shepherds since people were content to ignore Jesus until he was around thirty.  If angels showed up in my general vicinity and announced a Messiah, you can bet I’d want to know where he went. However, the shepherds soon settled back into their lives and maybe all but forgot about the experience.  If you’ve ever spent any time around sheep – especially Middle Eastern sheep you’d think that seeing angels would be important by comparison, but you never know.

Of course there were the Magi – the three wise men.  They were probably Zoroastrians from the area that is present day Iran.  They realized something significant had happened, although they didn’t understand just how significant it was.  Kings were born and kings died, but here was a King who rated a celestial event; we call it a star but it may have been a comet or perhaps a supernova.  At least they understood enough to saddle their camels (or whatever) and seek the King.  I’m guessing they wondered whatever happened, but when an angel tells you to go home by a different route, you figure a low profile is probably in order.

The common factor here is that all of those who were exposed to Christ interpreted it in terms of an earthly perspective.  Just like we often do, even today.  I guess it’s only human to do so, and on one level that may be just fine.  Jesus was God incarnate, with all that entails, but he was also human. So when we celebrate the human oriented side, that’s good.  If we celebrate the spiritual side, that’s better.  If we celebrate both, that’s best.

So nearly 2,000 years later there’s something about Christmas that puts us in a special, once a year mood.  There are other holidays to enjoy, but none quite like this.  So as we enter Christmas week – feel free to enjoy and celebrate.

I believe that even when diluted by the commercialism or whatever that there is such an inherent goodness that it can’t be ignored.  Jesus was probably not born on December 25th.  However, when we celebrate God becoming man and dwelling among us, it doesn’t have to be historically accurate.  It might even be a way in which God connects with us – all of us.

So go enjoy this time of year.  It’s part of the most special gift we could ever receive from the most loving being ever.

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Posted in Culture, History, Holidays, People, Philosophy, Religion

Sunday

Posted on December 18, 2011 | Leave a comment

There’s just something about Sundays.  I plan for one thing – perhaps a list of things I really want to get done – but it always seems to go in a different direction.

After church today I planned on getting office/radio/music room in order.  Instead the wife and I had a wonderful time Christmas shopping.  (Although I don’t think my kids read my blog, no details will be shared.)

Maybe we no longer worry about how far we are allowed to walk on the Sabbath, or what might constitute work.  However, I suspect the Good Lord still claims this as His day and tries to make it as refreshing as possible.

Thanks, God, for a great day.

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Facing Problems

Posted on December 16, 2011 | 1 Comment

I had a co-worker who pointed out when he perceived that people were “stuck in awareness.”  I suspect that he may have written his doctoral dissertation on this and therefore it was near and dear to his heart. In my case he proclaimed that I was “stuck in the 60’s” meaning I remained committed to ideals that most had discarded due to their complete impracticality.

But let’s explore “stuck in awareness.”  In a nutshell there are several stages in solving problems with the first being that one becomes aware that a problem exists.  Next one determines possible solutions and decides on one to try.  The solution is attempted and results measured.  If the problem is solved, the process is complete.  If not, a different solution is tried until either the problem is solved or no more solutions are apparent and the problem is therefore considered unsolvable.

It’s easy finding problems.  Solving them is what separates effective people from ineffective ones.

Take the example of a sinking ship.  The preferred solution is to get the ship to a properly equipped shipyard and have the damaged segments of the hull removed and replaced.  However, if the ship is in the middle of the ocean, the only option may be to drive wooden plugs into the smaller holes and stuff mattresses backed up by bracing up against the larger ones. Then you run the pumps to remove the water coming in through the manageable but still present leaks.  This allows you to keep the ship afloat until it can make its way, be towed or be transported to the appropriate shipyard.

Occupy [fill in the blank] has pointed out many problems.

The Tea Party has pointed out many problems.

The Democrats have pointed out many problems.

The Republicans have pointed out many problems.

(Are you catching a trend here?)

The Executive Branch of the government has pointed out many problems.

The Legislative Branch of the government has pointed out many problems.

It’s time to come up with some solutions.  If the government needs money do you go to the poor people to get it?  Do you look to the unemployed or the retired? No.  You look to the rich.

As Willy Sutton said when asked why he robbed banks, “That’s where the money is!”

I don’t want to pay more taxes, but sometimes we must do what is right whether it pleases us or not.  I don’t like to watch my diet and I’m not particularly fond of getting up at 4:00 AM to get some exercise time in either.  Same principle.

As we used to say, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem!”

I guess I am stuck in the 60’s after all!

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Posted in Culture, Future, Government, History, Leadership, People, Philosophy, Politics, Taxes, Wealthy

Saving Face

Posted on December 15, 2011 | Leave a comment

Back in college I was taught that there is a concept among Oriental cultures called “face.” Face is like ego but perhaps in a more civilized context.

Interactions are supposedly arranged in most cases to allow both parties to retain face. If one of the parties needs to change position or even back down, it is much easier to do so if they do not lose face. Obviously it is easier to win if your opponent can give ground without looking like they’ve lost.

We Americans sometimes refer to “saving face” but that seems more like hanging on to a few threads. It’s more like a child, after being scolded, sticking out his tongue behind the parent’s back.

I’ve decided that what we need is to elect leaders who understand that there is more than one way to win. Yes, the image of David holding Goliath’s head is impressive. So too are the pictures of St. George on his horse with the lance sticking out of the dragon*. There’s just one small difference. David and Goliath were enemies, as were St. George and the dragon. Do we really want to have our elected representatives view one another as enemies? I would hope not.

Of course, this goes a long way in explaining why Washington does not get a lot done. Yes they can take credit for a whole lot of laws, declarations, committees, reports and hearings, but do any of these things make life for the average American any better?

I suspect that not every person who joined in to raise a neighbor’s barn was “best friends forever.” However, people in America once realized that to get things done it was necessary to work together and focus on results.

Maybe a giant leap backwards is in order. A good first step would be to find people who can respect one another enough to let everyone keep “face” even when they disagree.

 

*Disclaimer – Dragons do not really exist. St. George is believed to have existed. The most common reference to him is the British Flag which has the crosses of St. George and St Andrew. I know that the absence of the dragon messes things up for the British, but facts are facts.  Sorry.

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Posted in Communications, Culture, Government, History, Leadership, Politics

Communicating Effectively

Posted on December 9, 2011 | 2 Comments

Since I am allegedly a writer, I naturally have a certain fascination with words.  Most of the time we just take words for granted.  We expect people to know enough about words to be able to convey something useful and in an interesting way.  When man first developed the ability to speak (yes I said “man” – if I’d said “When woman first developed the ability to speak,” someone would have taken issue with me.).

Let me start over.

When man first developed the ability to speak, I believe that the first order of business was nouns.

“Food.”

“Fire.”

“Bear.”

Our ancestors would wander around pointing and making up appropriate words.  Life was good.  They knew what to call things in the presence of one another.  Alas, the thrill was short-lived.  When someone pointed to food and said, “Food,” did that mean they were aware of its existence?  That they were offering it?  They were going to eat it?  If it was a teenage boy, there would be no doubt, but with others, some clarification was in order. In any case, with only nouns, communication was ineffective, meaning was blurred and sooner or later fights broke out.

Then someone decided we needed to describe action.  We needed verbs. Verbs were useful in an unfriendly world, even without nouns.

“Run!”

“Hide!”

Soon people began  to realize that using nouns and verbs together was even better.

“Run!  Bear!”

“Hide! Bear!”

Life was pretty functional with nouns and verbs, and people were fairly content.  Then, unfortunately,  someone had to go and invent adjectives.  This then caused men to start comparing things with the expected outcome.

“Big bear!” one man would say, followed by one of the listeners snorting and pointing to himself.

“My bear bigger!”

Adverbs, in my opinion were a reach, and from there it rapidly went downhill.  Soon we had people who realized that the more words available, the less likely it was for people to understand what was being said.  You could use all kinds of words while virtually eliminating communications!  This lead to such abuses of language as:

“The party of the first part, hereinafter referred to as the petitioner…”  Why not just use a name, such as “Bob Smith?”

“Crepitus is observed in the cervical region upon extension…” which can also be said as “when he tips his head way back, you can hear his neck crack.”

“Well, if we add a terrabyte drive and add 4 gig SDRAM,” instead of ,  “We’ll add memory to your computer.”

However there is hope.  Samuel Clemens once wrote, “I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English–it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don’t let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don’t mean utterly, but kill most of them–then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.”
- Letter to D. W. Bowser, 3/20/1880   [http://www.twainquotes.com/Adjectives.html]

This is sound advice, and we all should adhere to it.  If the purpose is to communicate, communicate.  Don’t try to impress people.  It works.

Here’s proof.  Imagine a scene reminiscent of National Geographic.  We’re silently creeping toward a man-cave.  As we peer in, careful so as not to disturb the occupants we see several men clustered around a large screen television.  Chips overflow bowls on a table and are scattered around the floor.  Empty cans in various stages of crush surround the men.  They are staring intently at the television with a look of disgust on their face.  Now listen.

“Fumbled ball!”  The disgusted look is replaced by a more peaceful one.

“Beer good!”

“Want pizza!”

See – you knew exactly what they meant.

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Communications, Culture, History, Humor, People, Philosophy, Writing

Action Heroes of the Bible!

Posted on December 5, 2011 | 2 Comments

We all have our favorite characters in books, movies or other stories.  I have favorite characters from all sorts of literature, including the Bible.  If you haven’t actually read the Bible, it’s actually a library of books- poetry, historical, inspirational, and yes, some that are a bit hard to follow. On the other hand it has intrigue, sex, murder, sex, double dealing, sex, lying, cheating, stealing, sex  and everything else you could imagine.

I remember being an altar boy and being told by the older acolytes that if the readings included the Story of Ruth, be sure to watch the nuns who would all bury their faces in their missals.  I never had that particular reading at the Mass the nuns attended, so I can’t verify that story.

However, I am willing to share some of my favorite Bible figures with you.  No, it’s not because they were so holy. Actually it’s because they were so – well – human.

First, there’s Adam.  God made him exactly the way he wanted and used to walk with him in the Garden of Eden.  I guess when you hang out with God it’s easy to take one’s self a little too seriously.  Adam figured that THE rule (as in one rule.  Only one.  Not two or more.) didn’t apply to him, so he screwed up and got evicted.

Then there’s Moses – it’s a wonder he wasn’t bipolar.  He’s born (Yay!) and is supposed to be killed (Aww!), so his family puts him in a basket and floats him down the Nile (Aww!  – I wonder what Child Protective Services would say about that!)  He’s found by the Pharaoh’s daughter (Yay!) who hires Moses’ own mother to care for him (Yay!).  He sees an Egyptian beating an Israelite (Boo!) and takes him on, killing him (Oops!)  A fellow Israelite rats him out (Boo!) so he runs away, finds a lady and marries her (Yay!) and spends the next sixty (give or take) years herding goats for his father in law.  Instead of living happily ever after (Aww!) God shows up (Yay!) and tells him to go to the most powerful man in the world – the Pharaoh – and tell him to let the Israelites go (say what?!).  Every time the Pharaoh relents (ay!) he changes his mind (Boo!) and God sends a plague (Ouch!)  Eventually the Israelites escape (Yay!) but they turn out to be the biggest bunch of complainers you could imagine (Aww!)  God appears and talks face to face with Moses (Wow!) on a regular basis, but even Moses doesn’t have quite enough faith and messes up when God tells him how to produce a fresh water spring for the Israelites (Oops!). He gets to the Promised Land (Yay!), but 10 of the 12 scouts he sends out don’t believe God when He says that they can win over the current occupants and come back sounding like Eeyore (Boo!) so the Israelites end up going back to the desert to kill time until all the current adults die off and a new generation can inherit the Promised Land (Aww!)  Moses takes them to the border, but because of that little episode at the spring, Moses isn’t allowed to enter (Aww!) and dies within sight of it (Aww!)

Then there’s David.  God tells Samuel the prophet that one of Jesse’s sons will be the new king to replace Saul.  Samuel goes to Jesse and each of Jesse’s sons comes before Samuel.  Some look like good candidates, but God says no.  Samuel asks Jesse if he has any more sons. Oh yeah, there’s the youngest tending the sheep.

We don’t know if Jesse just lost track of how many sons he had, if he wasn’t fond of David or if he thought the safety of the sheep was more important than finding the right person to be king. In any case, Samuel anoints David as the new king.

There’s just one problem –  remember Saul the king?  Well, Saul’s still alive.

David is chosen to play music for Saul (the other, other king).  He becomes Saul’s shield bearer.  He becomes best friends with Jonathon, Saul’s son.  When everyone else is paralyzed with fear, he kills Goliath.  He fights other battles.

Saul is living the life of a king, while David ends up hiding out in caves or foreign lands.

One might wonder if old Samuel got his prophesy a little confused.

He has several opportunities to kill Saul.  Remember the cave that David is hiding in, Saul decides to use that as a bathroom and when doing so is standing (squatting?) so close to David that David is able to cut off a corner of Saul’s cloak.  On several other occasions David ends up dangerously close to Saul, once even driving a spear next to where Saul slept, but David refuses to harm him.  David believed that since Saul was anointed, it would be sinful to harm him regardless of any other issues.  In fact, when Saul does die, a sycophant who claims (falsely) to have killed Saul is put to death by David’s command.

David eventually takes his throne and has a beautiful palace constructed.  He feels badly that God’s   Ark of the Covenant is still in a tent while he has a palace, but God tells him that building the temple isn’t his job.  He’s a man of war, and a son who will be a man of peace will build the temple.

David was a great musician and a greater warrior.  As great a king as he was, he had a l-i-t-t-l-e problem with his testosterone.  When he found one particularly comely lass he went through all kinds of intrigues, ultimately sending her husband to lead a charge in which the troops were ordered not to follow.  The husband died a hero’s death and David took extremely personal care of the widow.

Where else can you find a cast of characters to match these?  Where else will you see such interesting plots?

Heaven knows.

 

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Posted in Culture, History, Humor, Leadership, Military, Music, People, Philosophy, Religion, Writing

I’m Still Here

Posted on December 1, 2011 | Leave a comment

To those who may be hoping that I’ve given up blogging – no such luck.  I’m up in the DC area at a meeting.  It’s a work assignment, and the day runs long.

No, I haven’t seen the president (or any of the sites you think of when you think Washington DC.)

No, I’m not here on behalf of either the pro or anti “Occupy” or “Tea Party” folks.

I will say that in DC the commercials are a trip.  Many of them are lobbying efforts, so instead of hearing why people should buy a certain detergent, they tell why this form of energy will be the future of the country or why a certain political position (as in vote this way on that bill) is important.

So, time to get to work.

 

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