Gravity Wells

I find that there are days during which I seem to disrupt the force of gravity in my immediate vicinity. Although I could afford to lose a few pounds, I don’t believe that I approach the amount of mass to exert such force.

Nevertheless, at times I open the closet or pantry door and things spontaneously begin to fall. Cans and boxes of food drop. Tools jump off my workbench. Papers fly off my desk. I was beginning to get some type of deep emotional complex with the associated scars.

However, I am an avid reader.

Lately, I’ve been reading how astronomers and physicists have been making all kinds of exciting discoveries about black holes.

Then it hit me.

I must be generating my own singularity – my very own, personal black hole.

It explains a lot.

The only problem is that now I’ve discovered this, everyone is going to want their own black holes.

Then I won’t be special any more.

It’s easier to pick things up off the floor and put them back on the shelf when you believe it’s because you’re special.

Oh, well.