Category Archives: Arts

Mothers’ Day Message

animals.nationalgeographic.com

animals.nationalgeographic.com

Yesterday was my first Mothers’ Day after the loss of my own mother. It was very strange not picking out a card for her or hearing her voice on the phone.

Regular readers may remember that when she died, I wrote about how she loved hummingbirds. If there was a tchotchke in the shape of a hummingbird, she had it. I had decided back then to plant some hummingbird friendly flowers in a particular part of the front garden. One of the kids’ schools had a fundraiser with “seed blankets;” you know, “just lay on the ground, cover with a little soil and in a matter of weeks you’ll enjoy the flowers.” I planted several of the seed blankets, including one for the hummingbird garden.

So far, nothing.

Mothers’ Day morning it was cold and raining. As I was leaving for church, I looked across the yard, and there was a hummingbird hovering over my neighbors’ flowers.

As soon as I saw it, it flew away.

Happy Mothers’ Day, Mom.

Planning for the Future

sh

Feeling better, the young mother walked down the hall to look into the nursery at her newborn, when she noticed the well-dressed gentleman.

“Which baby is yours?” she asked. The stranger laughed.

“Oh, no, I’m not a parent,” he replied. “I’m a talent scout.”

“Scouting newborns?”

“Absolutely,” he replied. “I’ve got two positions I need to fill, and by the time children reach their first birthday, it’s far too late for grooming.” The new mother looked puzzled.

“Each generation needs to have its pre-teen heartthrobs, and that means the entertainment industry needs to identify candidates early. I’m currently on retainer to find both the male and female pre-teen heartthrobs this time around.”

“Pre-teen heartthrobs?” asked the mother.

“Oh, yes,” the talent scout replied. “Someone for the young girls to gush over; In the past we had Rudolf Valentino, Frank Sinatra, Donny Osmond, boy bands and now, Justin Bieber.”

“And the boys?”

“We take care of them, too. Over the years we provided Shirley Temple, Judy Garland, Annette Funicello, Lady Gaga. Hmmmm. That baby, third from the left might have potential.”

“No!” the mother stated firmly. “I didn’t go through 18 hours of labor so Hollywood could make a nutcase out of my son. I think it would be best for you to leave.

“Now!” she insisted as she walked into the nursery, picked up her son and held him tightly.

Things You and I Wouldn’t Really Say

balloon

There are some wonderful quotes throughout history. However, what some people would say would be very different from such wonderful literary quotations.

“I want to die with you, Wendy, on the streets tonight in an everlasting kiss.” – Bruce Springsteen; “Born to Run”

“Hey, baby, you’re like, not-too-bad,”

“I came. I saw. I conquered.’ – Julius Casesar

“General, in accordance with reference (a) [OPORDER 12345], objective achieved 23hours 10 minutes Zulu.Over.”

“I regret that I have but one life to give for my country!”- Nathan Hale upon being hanged as a Yankee spy.

“Ngggh”

“The torch has been passed to a new generation…” John F. Kennedy, Inaugural speech.

“Hey, dude, you’re old, go away.”

“That’s one small step for (a) man; one giant leap for mankind.” – Neil Armsrtong, the first man on the moon.

“Ha! Take that Madonna, and Kanye and everybody else. I did it! Me! Ha! Take that you losers!”

Maybe that’s why we look up to those people who said it first, and better..

What Am I Missing?

 

cell

I must be missing out on a great part of life without even knowing it. While I know I’m missing “it,” I don’t know what “it” is. Others seem to be massively engaged, while I’m left out of the excitement.

I speak, of course, of the people who must constantly be talking on their cell phones. They drive with their phone to their ear, walk while talking on the phone and even shop while similarly engaged.

It must be important, because they seem to speak loudly and with great excitement.

I suppose a top legal expert or a neurosurgeon might have to consult at a moment’s notice, but since I see a lot of this activity at Wal-Mart, I suspect that these are not necessarily among the highest paid in-demand professionals.

Are they getting advice on which breakfast cereal has the highest fiber content? The best canned asparagus? Which box of wine is most highly rated?

Whatever it is, it sure must be important, and I feel left out.

Who Speaks for Me?

theBible_poster_joshua_cc

The Bible
The History Channel
http://www.history.com/shows/the-bible

When we see family or tribal based societies, we have difficulty appreciating them. Many Muslim countries adhere to these relationships just as the Jews did throughout the Bible. The father, as head of the family could speak on behalf of the whole family – and the extended family. All who lived as part of his family were subject to his decisions. Joshua could, therefore, commit his entire household to serve the Lord God.

Imagine how such a commitment might play out today.

“I have committed this family to serve the Lord,” said Joshua as he walked into his suburban home outside a major American city.

“Now, Joshua,” replied his wife. “We’ve talked about you committing me to things without me agreeing to it, first. You can say whatever you want, but don’t expect me to blindly follow.”

“Dad!” replied his eldest son. “All the kids are into worshiping the Baals! I’m not going to be a social outcast, just because of you.”

“Hey, don’t look at me,” replied another child. “I’m your stepson. When I talk to my REAL dad, he’ll be honked off.”

Today the dynamics are different. In a faith centric family, the husband and wife are hopefully already on the same page. Two committed adults are stronger than one and better able to guide the family together. It’s different, in that each of us has more of a voice.

But that means each of us is called upon to commit ourself to God and his way individually as opposed to relying on someone else to commit us.

Is Knowledge Power?

phren

We are a data driven society. Polls are taken regarding virtually any subject and consume far more of the media than the actual events they attempt to predict. Reliable instant communications allows twenty-four hour news to feed us information on scandals far and wide. We are shocked by the collapse of a clothing factory in Bangladesh or by the suspected use of chemical weapons in Syria. We have access to unemployment data, Gross Domestic Product and how each affects Wall Street in real time.

We believe that if we decode all the data in DNA, we could recreate mammoths, or even dinosaurs.

Satellites feed us data to allow us to accurately predict the weather days in advance (except when the surprise severe storm appears.)

Does that make us powerful? I think not.

Knowledge is only powerful when it is used to make a decision and then execute that decision. If we read about a disaster and it causes us (and countless others) to make a donation to an organization that is helping out, that’s powerful. If knowing about a house fire causes us to check our smoke detectors and buy a fire extinguisher that means something.

Merely knowing is inconsequential. Knowing what to do with what you’ve learned is wherein the power lies.

Random Musings on Reincarnation

I really, really looked

for an appropriate illustration

but none of them were funny!

 

 

I don’t happen to believe in reincarnation, but the concept presents some interesting situations.

If you’re reincarnated, does deja vu feel different?

Could you be charged for 300 years overdue fines on the library book you lost in a previous life?

If you’re married in this life and have an affair with your spouse from a previous life, is it wrong?

If in a previous life you left everything to yourself in a next life, would you have to pay tax on the inheritance?

The worst thing of all?

All through whichever life you’re living, you’d know that when you come back you’d have to eat those awful tasting baby foods and suffer from diaper rash, all over again.

Men and Women are Different

sign

Men and women are different. This has nothing to do with equality – it’s just a fact.

Women’s magazines stress the importance of men helping with the “hard k” sounding things – cleaning, cooking and kids. I have yet to see an article saying something like, “Bond with your husband by installing new wax seals for your toilets,” or “Love on a rooftop while replacing shingles.”

Women have a thing for bags and shoes. People have tried to explain this to me over the years. I nodded and smiled, but the vacant stare made it obvious that I just didn’t get it.

One told me that the popularity of shoes is due to the fact that the size remains the same.

Whatever.

I try to do my share of the “hard k” things on behalf of my family. When my wife and I first met, I was a single parent, so am fully qualified on laundry – including ironing and replacing buttons, and cook pretty well, if I do say so myself.

The other side of the equation is that guys like “hard g” sounding things – gadgets, grills, guns and guitars. Gadgets include tools, special purpose cooking utensils, and anything that uses fuel. I have a collection of guitars – acoustic, electric, six string, and twelve string. I have a Taylor that is my “church acoustic,” and yes, I have a “church electric, too. My everyday guitar sits next to my chair in the family room.

It’s a guy thing. At least I don’t need shoes to match each guitar.

Like I said, men and women are different.

Science Fun

bird

I enjoy science, so naturally I enjoy the little scientifically based trinkets that demonstrate a scientific principle. In other words, they do something that can be done easier and more efficiently, but the trinkets do it in a creative way.

There’s the drinking bird that bobs as the liquid inside cools. There’s the Galileo thermometer with the different colored balls; which tell you the temperature. Then, of course, the radiometer – it looks like an old incandescent light bulb with four blades inside which spin wildly in sunlight – although there’s no way to harness the power. Finally, there’s the little frame with 5 balls hanging from it to demonstrate Newton’s Third Law – for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction.

Naturally, I’m fair game at certain stores.

I bought a “floating pen” that balances on its tip within a magnetic base.

I took it out of the box and told my wife that I used to have one of these and they are so cool.

I placed the magnetic base on the table in front of her, and set the pen into it.

Instead of standing up, it immediately fell over.

My wife laughed so hard, she almost fell over.

Hey, maybe this is one more way to demonstrate Newton’s Third Law!

Random Thoughts

It’s Friday (Okay, it’s actually Saturday morning, but it’s early Saturday morning) – time for some (very) random thoughts

rubik

I can understand the bumper stickers that proclaim your child is an honor student; the child is proud of his accomplishment and wants to show it off. On the other hand, I don’t quite understand the “I love my [dog breed]” stickers. Do these people understand that their dogs can’t read?

Now that we have automatic toilets, soap dispensers, faucets and hand driers, would these create problems for the Invisible Man?

Kids want to know with cellphones everywhere, why still have a “land line” phone. That’s easy — because “I can hear you now” as opposed to “Can you repeat that?”

My computer wanted to change the line above to “a land line phone have.” Sounds like Yoda. I guess everyone is excited about the upcoming Star Wars movies.

Remember when your mother thought that the way to make any dish a gourmet meal only required pouring Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup over it?

Why do men generally prefer to cook outdoors? Bigger flames, lots of smoke and beer.

Why do most women look in the mirror and notice every flaw, completely missing their attractiveness while most men look in the mirror and see someone slightly better looking than the latest Hollywood heartthrob? Might be due to the exposure to the flames,, smoke and beer.

Uncle Jerry

Toledo Blade

Toledo Blade

When I was attending Central Catholic High School in Toledo, I learned to play clarinet and then went on to tenor saxophone and bassoon. I was not a very talented musician, but it gave me the opportunity to learn more about music and be exposed to a wide range of music types.

My clarinet teacher, Gerald V. DePrisco was also the music and band director. Being the late 1960′s, and just being a teenager, I was a bit irreverent. Don’t get me wrong, we’re talking about someone who not only played in band, but participated in the Science Club and all the area science fairs. I attended Mass in the school chapel on a regular basis. I worked at the main library downtown after school, so we’re not talking about a James Dean, “Rebel Without a Cause” Type.

We had one of, if not the best band in the city. We played well, marched complex half time shows, participated in numerous parades and had a great time throughout.

The band met in a separate building that had been where the high school had started. Originally it had housed maybe a dozen classrooms, but the intermediate walls had been removed to provide rehearsal rooms for the band, orchestra and Glee Club. There were also a few offices, one of which was Mr. DePrisco’s. A number of us used to hang around the outer office.

Each day I’d greet the band director with, “Hello, Uncle Jerry!”

He’d respond with, “Don’t call me Uncle Jerry! And get those sideburns trimmed!”

“Right, Uncle Jerry!”

A few years ago, his daughter started contacting alumni of Central Catholic’s band to have a band banquet and Music Hall of Fame. I wasn’t able to attend what became an annual event, but I wrote him a letter. His daughter called and gave me his phone number and I did have a chance to talk with “Uncle Jerry” on the phone. Naturally I bragged to him that although the talent gene skipped me, my children were much better than I.

It was a nice chat.

Yesterday his daughter sent out an e-mail saying that Uncle Jerry had died.

However the love of music that he infused in me has stayed with me and I’ve done my best to pass it on to my family.

Thanks, Uncle Jerry. You will not be forgotten, and yes, you’re in our prayers.

Spring is Here

spring

Andy Warhol said something about someday everyone being famous for fifteen minutes. When asked about it, he intentionally misquoted himself, different each time.

But, as usual, I digress.

In Virginia, we get 15 minutes of Spring.

I think it was yesterday.

It was 90 degrees today.

Far Out Vacation

Cheech & Chong(Back in the Day)

Cheech & Chong
(Back in the Day)

Some friends of mine decided to take a vacation trip to one of the states that has recently legalized marijuana. Not exactly my cup of tea, but to each his own.  They’ve never entirely left the sixties.

However, curiosity got the best of me so I stopped over to see if their trip had met their expectations.

“So how was the vacation?” I asked.

“Ummmm. I’m not sure. I sort of can’t remember it,” he said.

“Well, where did you finally decide to go?” I continued.

“I think was either Washington or Colorado,” he answered somewhat vaguely.

“I wish we’d taken pictures,” added his wife. “All I know is it’s a week later and we’ve each gained 20 pounds.”

As for me, I think I’ll stick with Universal Studios and Disney.

Wednesday Night Prime Time TV

CC-logo [Converted]

6:00 NETWORK NEWS: The world on the brink of war! Threats from North Korea! Trouble in Syria! Palestine and Israel! Special report on how this affects Lindsay Lohan.

7:00 TRAILER TRASH: Cute little “Doggie Doo Doo” wants to go to school, but Big Fat Mama says, “No! You need to stay stupid, so we can keep having our own TV show!”

8:00 REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MOSCOW: Olga suspects husband Ivan of pursuing widow next door when she finds pictures of neighbor’s tractor in Ivan’s workshop. Meanwhile Alyona’s new job at the museum goes awry when she accidentally locks Lenin’s body in a closet and must convince Alexei to impersonate the dead Russian leader until the locksmith arrives.

9:00 SO YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT TALENT: Special Edition! A hilarious lineup of tone deaf musicians, uncoordinated dancers and a juggler with limited mobility due to an unfortunate accident with a chainsaw during his audition. Celebrity judges Nancy Grace, Lady GaGa, Paris Hilton and Kanye West all in particularly nasty moods.

10:00 SURVIVOR – HOLLYWOOD: NEW! Having eliminated the cost of writers, Survivor takes the next logical step and films on the streets of Hollywood. Contestants must face a series of challenges armed only with a Gucci bag and a Green American Express Card.

11:00 LOCAL NEWS: Someone went into a neighborhood bar but came out feet first. We’ll tell you who.

Enough!

It’s never enough.

monopoly_house

 

People who strive to be rich rarely reach the point where they decide that they’ve succeeded. They seem to need to own one more income property or make one more stock killing.

Then there are faces of women on the magazine covers by the checkout counter at the supermarket. Different magazines have the same supermodel/superstar on the cover. Seeing multiple versions of the same face staring at me give me the creepy feeling that I’m at a clone convention.

They go from the “It Girl” to yesterday’s news to the Paparazzi special with no makeup, workout clothes and the expression that precedes a sneeze.

On the other hand, the ordinary people who live paycheck to paycheck and are happy that they look better than their driver’s license photo know that a home and a family is quite enough.

Buzzards & Swallows

BuzzardTShirtToday is the day that the swallows return to Capistrano. Every year, like clockwork, they arrive on the feast of St. Joseph – March 19th.

Yesterday was Buzzard Day in northeast Ohio. That is when the buzzards return to Hinckley, Ohio – just a bit south of Cleveland. Buzzard Day is the Sunday following March 15.

Isn’t it amazing that all these birds know the exact date and where they’re supposed to be? Especially the buzzards who know to wait until the Sunday following the date.

I’m not buying it.

We have multibillion dollar airlines with state of the art airplanes and a federally operated air traffic control system. We have GPS, radar and autopilots.

Do we hit our scheduled arrival times as accurately?

Not a chance.

Most of the time they can’t even get you and your luggage to the same place at the same time.

Of course, the buzzards and swallows don’t have to print out their boarding passes at home, arrive at the point of departure an hour ahead of rime, pay for each piece of checked luggage and be searched by security.

Maybe that’s why they can keep a schedule.

(and, no, I don’t know why the font isn’t consistent!)

Bloggers’ Block

writerReal writers claim that they’re successful if they write a predetermined number of words per day before they quit. This is often split between whatever book or other project they are working on, and the cash cow writing. Cash cow writing includes the brochures, instruction booklets, magazine articles, or whatever that they’ve been able to attract; this type of writing provides a baseline income and makes the more creative writing possible without the need to starve.

Of course, if someone commissions a writer to produce a document extolling the virtues of Acme Tire Tread Enhancer (patent pending), there are usually some fairly explicit expectations as to what the writing will include. The creative works, on the other hand, are far more nebulous. It’s a sad fact that most writers have started a project, invested substantial time and effort only to realize that it either needs to be completely redone or abandoned altogether.

Bummer.

On the other hand, bloggers, or this blogger at least, can sit down and decide to write about nothing (as in not writing that day) or to write about nothing (as in some meaningless extemporania) or, on occasion to write something meaningful, pithy and inspiring.

Today is obviously a day of extemporaneousness.

Yet Another Magical Story

If you’ve heard the story once, you’ve probably heard it a thousand times. Guy goes down to thrift store, buys an old lamp, sometimes he thinks it’s a teapot, doesn’t matter. In any case he buys it and takes it home. Once home he decides it looks a little grungy so he starts to clean it up. Next thing you know, there’s a genie coming out of the lamp, or the gravy boat or whatever it actually is.

“You have released the Genie of the lamp! You are now entitled to a wish!”

“A wish? I thought it was three wishes.”

“Hey, times are tough. We had to cut back. You’re lucky we didn’t outsource everything back to India.”

“Okay, one wish.”

“And no wishing for more wishes, or…”

“Got it. I did my college thesis on Arabian Nights.”

“I read it. Pitiful! That’s why I thought you’d need the whole explanation.”

“Just what I need, a Genie who’s a critic.”

“I was adjunct faculty in literature for three thousand years. Old habits die hard.”

“I understand.”

“So your wish?”

“Hmmm. Give me a minute.”

“Take your time. It’s good to get out of the lamp and stretch my legs.”

“You don’t have legs.”

“Talk about critics.”

“Okay I’m ready. Here’s my wish. I wish I was satisfied.”

“Sounds like you’re wishing for more wishes.”

“No, I don’t want everything to go my way or have everything that I ever dreamed of. I just want to realize what I have is what I’ve always wanted.”

The genie thought for a minute, then snapped his fingers. “Done!” he said, and disappeared.

At the same moment the front door opened and my wife walked in with the kids.

“Daddy!” my daughter cried and gave me a hug. My son, being a teenager, offered a fist bump.

“And how are you?” my wife asked as she leaned over our daughter to kiss me.

“Satisfied,” I replied.

What the Elder Son Teaches Us

It was another soccer tournament weekend. It’s Monday and back to work, where at least the schedule is more predictable.

At least the games were spaced so I could catch church on Sunday.

Rembrandt van Rijn

Rembrandt van Rijn

The Gospel was the story of the Prodigal Son, which is often dissatisfying because it just doesn’t seem fair.

If the Prodigal Son story played out today, I’m sure there would be at least one lawsuit.

Our deacon gave the homily, and pointed out that the son who stayed home figured may not have merely been loyal and altruistic. The way he looked at it, he was taking care of his upcoming inheritance, so in effect, he was working for himself. Since he was focused on what he expected to get, he didn’t realize and appreciate all the things he had every day.

However, what he said next was what struck me. The deacon suggested that every night when the family gathers for dinner, we should start a litany of all the things we have to be thankful for. He suggested starting small, with such things as life, spouse, children. Each day add a couple of more things. By the end of Lent we may all realize just how blessed we are.

I thought it was a good enough idea that I should share it.

Judas Didn’t Get It

Superstar

As you may recall, during Lent, one thing I do is to listen to “Jesus Christ, Superstar.” The rock opera is entertainment, not scripture, and tells the story of Jesus final week from the perspective of Judas Iscariot, the betrayer. Although Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Weber took significant artistic license, I believe the Holy Spirit takes every opportunity to speak the truth to us. Besides, some stories are just so awe inspiring that the true message comes through no matter what.

The play begins with Judas singing “Heaven on Their Mind” which starts with the following lyrics.

“My mind is clearer now; At last I can see where we all soon will be.

If you strip away, the myth from the man; You will see where we all soon will be.”

I was always uncomfortable with the reference to Jesus as being part myth, and didn’t like these particular lyrics, until I had another thought.

Matthew, Mark and Luke all relate how Jesus asked who people thought he was.

“13Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, He was asking His disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” 14And they said, “Some say John the Baptist; and others, Elijah; but still others, Jeremiah, or one of the prophets.” 15He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” 16Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” 17And Jesus said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Barjona, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.”  (Matthew 16)

Jesus then warned them to tell no one that He is the Christ, at least not until after his resurrection.

Judas was never given the faith to believe in Jesus. I don’t think he ever could realize that Jesus was in fact the Messiah. He, like many others, wanted a Messiah who was a great leader in the manner of Moses, Joshua or David. In Jesus, without faith, Judas could only see an itinerant teacher with an interesting message. To Judas, Jesus divinity could only be myth.

How sad.

It makes me think of how blessed we all are who have been given Faith and been able to see the truth so easily that we take it for granted.