Category Archives: Friends

Sex and Marriage in the Future

It was a very nice meal at one of those restaurants that people save for special occasions. It had included Cloned Breast of Duck with a delightful artificial orange flavoring, genetically engineered hydroponic rice and even a very nice bottle of Ohio’s finest hybrid sugar beet wine. Afterwards the couple walked along one of the main thoroughfares, down the escalator and into the public transportation dematerialization chamber.

They rematerialized several hundred kilometers away and walked from the station to her home. He followed her inside and sat down as she removed her coat.

“What a nice night,” she offered. “I know lots of girls have sex with their dates just because it’s expected, but you really went out of your way to make me feel special, so I’m actually looking forward to it.

“Uhh, I’d rather not,” he replied.

“Are you breaking up with me?” she asked.

“No,” he replied. “But, we’ve known each other ever since we were kids, we’ve been spending a lot of time together and I think you’re special – really, really special.”

“You think I’m special so you don’t want to have sex with me?”

“Not exactly.” She looked at him puzzled as he continued.

“You know I’m working on my dissertation in anthropological history, and as I was doing research I came across some very old data files. I mean these date from before the twenty-first century. They were so old that they had originally been printed on paper in a form called a magazine.” He paused.

“You could at least come over and sit by me,” he offered. She hesitated and sat next to him making sure to leave space between the two of them.

“Anyway,” he continued, “They used to have a custom in which one man and one woman would make an agreement to spend their life together and share everything. They promised to stick together through the good and the bad. The only people they had sex with were each other.” She looked at him with interested amazement.

“Did that arrangement work?”

“Not always. Some couples parted when life got challenging. Some got bored with each other. Some had sex with other people – they called that ‘cheating’ and since it negated the exclusiveness it seriously endangered the marriage.”

“Why did they stop this marriage thing?”

“As near as I can tell, the celebrities were the trend setters and didn’t value marriage, so people lost interest. The definition of marriage changed and eventually marriage could include two or more people of whatever combination of sexes. Once it lost the sense of commitment, it eventually just faded away.”

“So how did this marriage thing originally work?” she asked.

“Well, a couple would date for a while – like we’ve been doing – and decide if they loved and liked each other enough to commit to each other exclusively. This led to something called an engagement, a period when they let others know that they were planning to be married. Finally, they would have a big ceremony with family and friends at which they would be declared married, followed by a huge party. Then they’d start their life as a couple.”

“That sounds wild and radical,” she began, then paused. “And very romantic.” She tried to move closer to him on the couch, but to her surprise he suddenly stood up, turned to face her and knelt on one knee.

“The engagement usually started with the man proposing and offering his intended partner a gift.” She watched as he opened a small box that contained a diamond ring. He asked her a question, but she didn’t really hear his words. All she knew was she answered with a yes.

Things You and I Wouldn’t Really Say

balloon

There are some wonderful quotes throughout history. However, what some people would say would be very different from such wonderful literary quotations.

“I want to die with you, Wendy, on the streets tonight in an everlasting kiss.” – Bruce Springsteen; “Born to Run”

“Hey, baby, you’re like, not-too-bad,”

“I came. I saw. I conquered.’ – Julius Casesar

“General, in accordance with reference (a) [OPORDER 12345], objective achieved 23hours 10 minutes Zulu.Over.”

“I regret that I have but one life to give for my country!”- Nathan Hale upon being hanged as a Yankee spy.

“Ngggh”

“The torch has been passed to a new generation…” John F. Kennedy, Inaugural speech.

“Hey, dude, you’re old, go away.”

“That’s one small step for (a) man; one giant leap for mankind.” – Neil Armsrtong, the first man on the moon.

“Ha! Take that Madonna, and Kanye and everybody else. I did it! Me! Ha! Take that you losers!”

Maybe that’s why we look up to those people who said it first, and better..

Status Report

Stardate 2013.05072013.19.10

Came home from work, tired.

wx.findu.com/ke8yn

wx.findu.com/ke8yn

Scanners indicate potential meteorological event consisting of precipitation, changes in barometric pressure, surface winds and possible deadly electrical activity in the atmosphere.

Indications are that home surrounding of fescue (festuca) Pooideae (lawn grass) is growing outside of optimal parameters. Quickly utilized lawn tractor (shuttle) to ensure compliance to conform with regional norms.

Consulted with representative of other species (Alex – Monk parrot) and he advised me that upon completion of fescue mission, I should withdraw and conduct restorative maneuvers.

Poured wine.

Blogged.

Good night.

Who Speaks for Me?

theBible_poster_joshua_cc

The Bible
The History Channel
http://www.history.com/shows/the-bible

When we see family or tribal based societies, we have difficulty appreciating them. Many Muslim countries adhere to these relationships just as the Jews did throughout the Bible. The father, as head of the family could speak on behalf of the whole family – and the extended family. All who lived as part of his family were subject to his decisions. Joshua could, therefore, commit his entire household to serve the Lord God.

Imagine how such a commitment might play out today.

“I have committed this family to serve the Lord,” said Joshua as he walked into his suburban home outside a major American city.

“Now, Joshua,” replied his wife. “We’ve talked about you committing me to things without me agreeing to it, first. You can say whatever you want, but don’t expect me to blindly follow.”

“Dad!” replied his eldest son. “All the kids are into worshiping the Baals! I’m not going to be a social outcast, just because of you.”

“Hey, don’t look at me,” replied another child. “I’m your stepson. When I talk to my REAL dad, he’ll be honked off.”

Today the dynamics are different. In a faith centric family, the husband and wife are hopefully already on the same page. Two committed adults are stronger than one and better able to guide the family together. It’s different, in that each of us has more of a voice.

But that means each of us is called upon to commit ourself to God and his way individually as opposed to relying on someone else to commit us.

Random Musings on Reincarnation

I really, really looked

for an appropriate illustration

but none of them were funny!

 

 

I don’t happen to believe in reincarnation, but the concept presents some interesting situations.

If you’re reincarnated, does deja vu feel different?

Could you be charged for 300 years overdue fines on the library book you lost in a previous life?

If you’re married in this life and have an affair with your spouse from a previous life, is it wrong?

If in a previous life you left everything to yourself in a next life, would you have to pay tax on the inheritance?

The worst thing of all?

All through whichever life you’re living, you’d know that when you come back you’d have to eat those awful tasting baby foods and suffer from diaper rash, all over again.

Men and Women are Different

sign

Men and women are different. This has nothing to do with equality – it’s just a fact.

Women’s magazines stress the importance of men helping with the “hard k” sounding things – cleaning, cooking and kids. I have yet to see an article saying something like, “Bond with your husband by installing new wax seals for your toilets,” or “Love on a rooftop while replacing shingles.”

Women have a thing for bags and shoes. People have tried to explain this to me over the years. I nodded and smiled, but the vacant stare made it obvious that I just didn’t get it.

One told me that the popularity of shoes is due to the fact that the size remains the same.

Whatever.

I try to do my share of the “hard k” things on behalf of my family. When my wife and I first met, I was a single parent, so am fully qualified on laundry – including ironing and replacing buttons, and cook pretty well, if I do say so myself.

The other side of the equation is that guys like “hard g” sounding things – gadgets, grills, guns and guitars. Gadgets include tools, special purpose cooking utensils, and anything that uses fuel. I have a collection of guitars – acoustic, electric, six string, and twelve string. I have a Taylor that is my “church acoustic,” and yes, I have a “church electric, too. My everyday guitar sits next to my chair in the family room.

It’s a guy thing. At least I don’t need shoes to match each guitar.

Like I said, men and women are different.

Danger! Doom! And Disaster!

Among all the doom and gloom that we read about every day, is one particularly troubling story.

Giant snails are invading Florida.

I lived in Florida for a few years, and remember my wife reading to me from a book about Florida. The book said you could describe Florida in one word.

Bugs.

Now I know snails are really terrestrial pulmonate gastropod molluscs, but anything that makes you want to squish it qualifies as a bug in my book.

These snails are particularly nasty. They are Giant African Land Snails and get as big as rats while eating their way through stucco and plaster.

I believe that instead of panicking, we should act.

First, chill four cases of chardonnay.

Mix 100 pounds of butter with a quart of minced garlic and the juice and zest of two dozen lemons. Fire up the big grill and invite your friends over for an all-you-can-eat escargot party.

Better chill more chardonnay and add a couple of cases of beer.

grill

colbyandstacy.wordpress.com

Random Thoughts

It’s Friday (Okay, it’s actually Saturday morning, but it’s early Saturday morning) – time for some (very) random thoughts

rubik

I can understand the bumper stickers that proclaim your child is an honor student; the child is proud of his accomplishment and wants to show it off. On the other hand, I don’t quite understand the “I love my [dog breed]” stickers. Do these people understand that their dogs can’t read?

Now that we have automatic toilets, soap dispensers, faucets and hand driers, would these create problems for the Invisible Man?

Kids want to know with cellphones everywhere, why still have a “land line” phone. That’s easy — because “I can hear you now” as opposed to “Can you repeat that?”

My computer wanted to change the line above to “a land line phone have.” Sounds like Yoda. I guess everyone is excited about the upcoming Star Wars movies.

Remember when your mother thought that the way to make any dish a gourmet meal only required pouring Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup over it?

Why do men generally prefer to cook outdoors? Bigger flames, lots of smoke and beer.

Why do most women look in the mirror and notice every flaw, completely missing their attractiveness while most men look in the mirror and see someone slightly better looking than the latest Hollywood heartthrob? Might be due to the exposure to the flames,, smoke and beer.

Uncle Jerry

Toledo Blade

Toledo Blade

When I was attending Central Catholic High School in Toledo, I learned to play clarinet and then went on to tenor saxophone and bassoon. I was not a very talented musician, but it gave me the opportunity to learn more about music and be exposed to a wide range of music types.

My clarinet teacher, Gerald V. DePrisco was also the music and band director. Being the late 1960′s, and just being a teenager, I was a bit irreverent. Don’t get me wrong, we’re talking about someone who not only played in band, but participated in the Science Club and all the area science fairs. I attended Mass in the school chapel on a regular basis. I worked at the main library downtown after school, so we’re not talking about a James Dean, “Rebel Without a Cause” Type.

We had one of, if not the best band in the city. We played well, marched complex half time shows, participated in numerous parades and had a great time throughout.

The band met in a separate building that had been where the high school had started. Originally it had housed maybe a dozen classrooms, but the intermediate walls had been removed to provide rehearsal rooms for the band, orchestra and Glee Club. There were also a few offices, one of which was Mr. DePrisco’s. A number of us used to hang around the outer office.

Each day I’d greet the band director with, “Hello, Uncle Jerry!”

He’d respond with, “Don’t call me Uncle Jerry! And get those sideburns trimmed!”

“Right, Uncle Jerry!”

A few years ago, his daughter started contacting alumni of Central Catholic’s band to have a band banquet and Music Hall of Fame. I wasn’t able to attend what became an annual event, but I wrote him a letter. His daughter called and gave me his phone number and I did have a chance to talk with “Uncle Jerry” on the phone. Naturally I bragged to him that although the talent gene skipped me, my children were much better than I.

It was a nice chat.

Yesterday his daughter sent out an e-mail saying that Uncle Jerry had died.

However the love of music that he infused in me has stayed with me and I’ve done my best to pass it on to my family.

Thanks, Uncle Jerry. You will not be forgotten, and yes, you’re in our prayers.

The Church, Science and Mistakes

Pope Francis graduated as a chemical technician before moving on to study philosophy, psychology and theology. CNN (Link below)

Pope Francis graduated as a chemical technician before moving on to study philosophy, psychology and theology. CNN (Link below)

It seems as if many are watching the Vatican to see what Pope Francis is going to do. Lord knows there are mistakes to be cleaned up.

Being human, and being an expert at making mistakes, I accept the fact that churches and their leaders do the same.

My family is not particularly fond of my mistakes, and I’m not fond of the church’s mistakes.

The relationship between science and theology, for example. The church decided that the sun went around the earth, and when Galileo took a “responsible opposing view” the gloves came off.

The problem was that Galileo was right and the church was wrong.

CNN quoted Monsignor Tomasz Trafny, the Director of the Vatican’s Science and Faith Foundation as saying, “There was a time when theologians thought they understood everything… If you look at what is going on today you will see that theologians are very careful about what they are thinking or speaking about related to scientific issues.” [Click for CNN article]

This is good.

As much as I like the pastor at our church, he can’t seem to tell me why my car makes that funny noise, how to get my lawn to look better and we won’t even talk about how bad his advice was on my golf game.

Nevertheless, on spiritual matters he’s good to have around.

Far Out Vacation

Cheech & Chong(Back in the Day)

Cheech & Chong
(Back in the Day)

Some friends of mine decided to take a vacation trip to one of the states that has recently legalized marijuana. Not exactly my cup of tea, but to each his own.  They’ve never entirely left the sixties.

However, curiosity got the best of me so I stopped over to see if their trip had met their expectations.

“So how was the vacation?” I asked.

“Ummmm. I’m not sure. I sort of can’t remember it,” he said.

“Well, where did you finally decide to go?” I continued.

“I think was either Washington or Colorado,” he answered somewhat vaguely.

“I wish we’d taken pictures,” added his wife. “All I know is it’s a week later and we’ve each gained 20 pounds.”

As for me, I think I’ll stick with Universal Studios and Disney.

Enough!

It’s never enough.

monopoly_house

 

People who strive to be rich rarely reach the point where they decide that they’ve succeeded. They seem to need to own one more income property or make one more stock killing.

Then there are faces of women on the magazine covers by the checkout counter at the supermarket. Different magazines have the same supermodel/superstar on the cover. Seeing multiple versions of the same face staring at me give me the creepy feeling that I’m at a clone convention.

They go from the “It Girl” to yesterday’s news to the Paparazzi special with no makeup, workout clothes and the expression that precedes a sneeze.

On the other hand, the ordinary people who live paycheck to paycheck and are happy that they look better than their driver’s license photo know that a home and a family is quite enough.

Saturday – A Day of Rest

Church of the Holy Sepulchre

Church of the Holy Sepulchre

In the Old Testament, God the Father rested from Creation on the seventh day.

I suspect that it was no coincidence that after His death, Jesus His Son also rested on the seventh day.

God always shows us how His plan flows together in such a beautiful manner.

Sundown, Good Friday

PietaMichelangelo Buonarroti1499

Pieta
Michelangelo Buonarroti
1499

Satan had never been particularly fond of sundown on Friday, since it marked the beginning of the Jewish Sabbath. Perhaps, two millennia ago he was more comfortable because the Sabbath had become a burden, rather than a cause for joy. The Pharisees had defined most activities, including how far you could walk before you were violating the Sabbath. It was a set of complicated rules rather than a day of rest.

This particular Friday had to be especially disconcerting. Satan had seen Jesus ridiculed, beaten, abused, and tortured. No doubt this pleased him while simultaneously frightening him. Even he knew that things were not as they seemed. He had to wonder what was going to happen.

Many believe that when Jesus cried out, “My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?” was the point at which Jesus took on all the sins of the world. For the first time in eternity Jesus was not completely connected with the Father and it was terrifying and disorienting.

At that moment, Satan saw countless souls he had seduced, cajoled, lied to, and threatened slip through his very fingers. The justice they deserved was now paid in full, and they were reunited with God.

Jesus told us He had the ability to lay down His life and pick it up again. I think that once He had paid our debt, His job was done and He laid his life down. It was His choice to save us, and His choice to return the Father.

Satan had known from the very beginning that his quest was unachievable, but his ego was such that he continued anyway. I’m sure that even with our redemption, his arrogance demanded that he redouble his efforts. Even today you can see his efforts.

But it doesn’t matter. We have been saved. We have been forgiven. We are loved by our God and by His only begotten Son.

Give thanks. It is right and just.

An Imperfect World

This is an imperfect world.

It has been imperfect for thousands of years.

It was imperfect two millennia ago as Jesus was betrayed, unjustly condemned, tortured and killed.

But we are charged to be “in the world, but not of it.”

In other words we’re just passing through on our way to a better place.

Thanks to the love of a perfect Messiah.

Today’s Prayer

JESUS-NETWORK-MARKETING

We see in the Bible Jesus taking time and finding someplace quiet in order to pray. It’s a safe bet that prayer was part of His daily routine.

What might His prayer been like on this particular day many years ago?

“Well, Father, it starts soon. At sunset tonight it will be Thursday and …, well, let’s not talk about that until We have to. Today is My last normal day.

“I’ve tried to be a devoted son. I have spent my life among your Chosen People. I’ve reached out to Your other children, too, but I tried to do it in a way that didn’t minimize Your love of the Jews.

“It has been both strange and wonderful to spend My time here. Some of these people are really, really special, and it has been a joy to have spent my time with them. John has been a very good friend. I’m planning on asking him to look after My mother. Peter will be a great manager after, well, in the future.

“I plan on sharing the Passover preparation with my closest disciples tomorrow. Your special feast to share with those who have been special to Me. I’m focusing on the good things and trying not to dwell on what follows.

“Please, Father, let me enjoy my last normal day, if that is your will, and give me the strength for what I need to do after that.

“I love you, Father, and I know you love Me. For a few more hours, I am going to celebrate your love and the love of my friends. I’m afraid that when we talk tomorrow, I’ll be completely distracted by the task ahead of me. But for now, just know that Your Son loves you.”

The Women of Holy Week

Vladimir BorovikovskyThe Crucifixion

Vladimir Borovikovsky
The Crucifixion

Holy Week teaches us many things. Peter, James and John couldn’t even stay awake while Jesus prayed.

Peter, the “Rock” crumbled at the hint of danger and denied that he even knew Jesus.

Caiaphas the High Priest used his influence to maneuvers procedures so that Jesus was tried and condemned in an illegal proceeding before most people were even aware of it.

Herod was so shallow he that all he wanted was signs and wonders. In other words, he wanted Jesus to perform some entertaining magic tricks.

The most powerful man in the area, Pontius Pilate crumbled before the crowd. If their discontent had been aimed at Rome, he would not have hesitated to have the soldiers take care of them in a heartbeat. In Jesus case he took the easy way out.

Judas – and we can only wonder about Judas – betrayed Jesus, despaired and then died.

So many weaklings. Who was strong for Jesus?

The women.

His mother, of course. How heartbreaking for her to see her son treated this way, especially since she had known all along who He really is.

Mary Magdalene – who was as devoted a disciple as any of the men.

Veronica – who wiped the sweat, blood and dirt from Jesus face.

The women of Jerusalem who wept for Jesus on his trip to Calvary.

The only man we know to have stuck it through to the end was John, the apostle “Jesus loved” – Jesus’ his best friend. He entrusted his mother to John’s care, and John, friend that he was, took her into his home.

When Jesus cured the ten lepers, only one returned to thank him. Of the eleven remaining apostles, only one remained with Jesus throughout His ordeal.

But the women were there.

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You, Me and the Pharisees

Christ_PhariseesAs we approach Holy Week, we might think about the Pharisees, busily plotting how they would stop Jesus. We shake our heads and ask ourselves, how could they be so evil?

But were they?

These men were pillars of the community – they worshipped at the temple (THE Temple), faithfully studied scriptures and followed the Law to the letter.

If they were around today, we’d consider them good Bible reading, churchgoing men.

The law given to Moses prescribed many aspects of everyday life, and these men were law abiding citizens. In terms of that time in history they were the good guys. On the other hand, this Jesus was, in their eyes, and in the eyes of the Law, quite the sinner.

Imagine how we’d react to someone who had no visible means of support. Someone who wandered around the countryside, crashing on the couch of anyone who’d have him. A guy who hung around with hookers, street people (and diseased street people at that) and other seedy types.

That’s exactly how the Pharisees reacted.

Is it possible that without Faith we’d be just like the Pharisees?

Yet Another Magical Story

If you’ve heard the story once, you’ve probably heard it a thousand times. Guy goes down to thrift store, buys an old lamp, sometimes he thinks it’s a teapot, doesn’t matter. In any case he buys it and takes it home. Once home he decides it looks a little grungy so he starts to clean it up. Next thing you know, there’s a genie coming out of the lamp, or the gravy boat or whatever it actually is.

“You have released the Genie of the lamp! You are now entitled to a wish!”

“A wish? I thought it was three wishes.”

“Hey, times are tough. We had to cut back. You’re lucky we didn’t outsource everything back to India.”

“Okay, one wish.”

“And no wishing for more wishes, or…”

“Got it. I did my college thesis on Arabian Nights.”

“I read it. Pitiful! That’s why I thought you’d need the whole explanation.”

“Just what I need, a Genie who’s a critic.”

“I was adjunct faculty in literature for three thousand years. Old habits die hard.”

“I understand.”

“So your wish?”

“Hmmm. Give me a minute.”

“Take your time. It’s good to get out of the lamp and stretch my legs.”

“You don’t have legs.”

“Talk about critics.”

“Okay I’m ready. Here’s my wish. I wish I was satisfied.”

“Sounds like you’re wishing for more wishes.”

“No, I don’t want everything to go my way or have everything that I ever dreamed of. I just want to realize what I have is what I’ve always wanted.”

The genie thought for a minute, then snapped his fingers. “Done!” he said, and disappeared.

At the same moment the front door opened and my wife walked in with the kids.

“Daddy!” my daughter cried and gave me a hug. My son, being a teenager, offered a fist bump.

“And how are you?” my wife asked as she leaned over our daughter to kiss me.

“Satisfied,” I replied.

What the Elder Son Teaches Us

It was another soccer tournament weekend. It’s Monday and back to work, where at least the schedule is more predictable.

At least the games were spaced so I could catch church on Sunday.

Rembrandt van Rijn

Rembrandt van Rijn

The Gospel was the story of the Prodigal Son, which is often dissatisfying because it just doesn’t seem fair.

If the Prodigal Son story played out today, I’m sure there would be at least one lawsuit.

Our deacon gave the homily, and pointed out that the son who stayed home figured may not have merely been loyal and altruistic. The way he looked at it, he was taking care of his upcoming inheritance, so in effect, he was working for himself. Since he was focused on what he expected to get, he didn’t realize and appreciate all the things he had every day.

However, what he said next was what struck me. The deacon suggested that every night when the family gathers for dinner, we should start a litany of all the things we have to be thankful for. He suggested starting small, with such things as life, spouse, children. Each day add a couple of more things. By the end of Lent we may all realize just how blessed we are.

I thought it was a good enough idea that I should share it.