And to think I used to be on the OTHER side of the examination spectrum.

Poetic justice? Perhaps.

In the meantime, my wife found an idea online on how to convert a regular lamp to a cordless one. They sell LEDs (light emitting diodes) on tape; you just cut off what you need and save the rest for later.

So we took an old table lamp, placed the handy self-sticking led tape to the top and bottom of the lampshade (on the inside, of course), ran it through the lamp to some batteries, and voila! A cordless lamp.

Actually, more of a very bright night light.

However, it fits in with all my hurricane preparation stuff, but does so with style.

And my wife likes it.

They rematerialized several hundred kilometers away and walked from the station to her home. He followed her inside and sat down as she removed her coat.

“What a nice night,” she offered. “I know lots of girls have sex with their dates just because it’s expected, but you really went out of your way to make me feel special, so I’m actually looking forward to it.

“Uhh, I’d rather not,” he replied.

“Are you breaking up with me?” she asked.

“No,” he replied. “But, we’ve known each other ever since we were kids, we’ve been spending a lot of time together and I think you’re special – really, really special.”

“You think I’m special so you don’t want to have sex with me?”

“Not exactly.” She looked at him puzzled as he continued.

“You know I’m working on my dissertation in anthropological history, and as I was doing research I came across some very old data files. I mean these date from before the twenty-first century. They were so old that they had originally been printed on paper in a form called a magazine.” He paused.

“You could at least come over and sit by me,” he offered. She hesitated and sat next to him making sure to leave space between the two of them.

“Anyway,” he continued, “They used to have a custom in which one man and one woman would make an agreement to spend their life together and share everything. They promised to stick together through the good and the bad. The only people they had sex with were each other.” She looked at him with interested amazement.

“Did that arrangement work?”

“Not always. Some couples parted when life got challenging. Some got bored with each other. Some had sex with other people – they called that ‘cheating’ and since it negated the exclusiveness it seriously endangered the marriage.”

“Why did they stop this marriage thing?”

“As near as I can tell, the celebrities were the trend setters and didn’t value marriage, so people lost interest. The definition of marriage changed and eventually marriage could include two or more people of whatever combination of sexes. Once it lost the sense of commitment, it eventually just faded away.”

“So how did this marriage thing originally work?” she asked.

“Well, a couple would date for a while – like we’ve been doing – and decide if they loved and liked each other enough to commit to each other exclusively. This led to something called an engagement, a period when they let others know that they were planning to be married. Finally, they would have a big ceremony with family and friends at which they would be declared married, followed by a huge party. Then they’d start their life as a couple.”

“That sounds wild and radical,” she began, then paused. “And very romantic.” She tried to move closer to him on the couch, but to her surprise he suddenly stood up, turned to face her and knelt on one knee.

“The engagement usually started with the man proposing and offering his intended partner a gift.” She watched as he opened a small box that contained a diamond ring. He asked her a question, but she didn’t really hear his words. All she knew was she answered with a yes.

http://www.biblekids.eu

From time to time, like all parents, I get frustrated with my kids. You know the drill – dirty socks in unlikely places; sudden disappearances when chores need to be done and convenient bouts of selective memory.

It makes me wonder what Mary and Joseph experienced when Jesus was a child. Although always divine, Jesus was nevertheless human, and as such needed to learn, just as every child does, by making mistakes.

I can picture Joseph searching his workshop for a tool that young Jesus had borrowed and not returned.

Mary wiping up Jesus’ spilled milk, bread crumbs or perhaps honey dripped on the table.

Mary probably wondered how one kid could get his clothes so dirty and Joseph was amazed at how quickly He outgrew sandals.

Makes me feel like I’m in good company.

All of us studied civics in school during which we learned about the three branches of the United States government, the difference between a republic and a democracy, and why we have the Electoral College. Other countries have different systems, of course, so it might be useful to understand how some of their systems work.

North Korea: The guy with the goofiest haircut gets to be in charge.

Italy: The male who throws the outrageous parties wins.

France: The man with the prettiest mistress, but of course.

Somalia: Actually, Somalia has no national government but it is doing far better than when It had one.

Ancient Israel: Whoever the high priest anointed with oil was in charge.

Modern Afghanistan: Whoever the CIA anoints with money is in charge.

Venezuela: The president of the Che Guevera fan club is also in the country’s president.

Russia: If you’re Vladimir Putin, you get to be in charge – regardless of what title you or anyone else are currently using.

insects.tamu.edu

The online news media has been anticipating the arrival of Brood II cicadas since the first daffodils bloomed. Here’s the coverage in a nutshell…

“There will be 30 million of them!”

“They’re coming! They’re coming!”

“Hundreds have been spotted in North Carolina” (which probably means an anonymous phone caller asked “I found this weird bug. What do you think it is?”)

“Really! They’re coming!”

“They’re hatching in southern Virginia!” (I live a few miles from the North Carolina border, which to me means southern Virginia. Ain’t seen, heard, nor smelt any yet.)

However, I like cicadas.

Anything that bumps politicians and celebrities off the news is a good thing.

I got sucked in by one of those online “news stories” that actually was at least 6 months old. The article purported that wealthy Americans were giving up their citizenship to avoid paying taxes particularly on money earned, kept or hidden overseas.

I’ve read that with our progressive tax system about half don’t pay any income tax and/or may receive a credit from the government. Likewise, reports indicate that the top one percent pay 30% of the taxes to the federal government. (I’m not saying these are correct, as Mark Twain reportedly said, “There’s lies, damned lies and statistics.”)

At first I thought it might be worth our while to try to induce these folks to stay around in order to catch the tax revenue, but then I dug a little deeper.

It appears that most of them don’t actually live here. I’m guessing many have dual citizenship, so they’re more like part time Americans.

Since money is more important than their citizenship, I figure they’re at best fair-weather Americans; at worst, American in name only.

I prefer us normal, not wealthy, plain old every day Americans, anyway.

To the rich who are turning in their passports, “Don’t let the bank vault door hit you in ass on your way out!”

animals.nationalgeographic.com

Yesterday was my first Mothers’ Day after the loss of my own mother. It was very strange not picking out a card for her or hearing her voice on the phone.

Regular readers may remember that when she died, I wrote about how she loved hummingbirds. If there was a tchotchke in the shape of a hummingbird, she had it. I had decided back then to plant some hummingbird friendly flowers in a particular part of the front garden. One of the kids’ schools had a fundraiser with “seed blankets;” you know, “just lay on the ground, cover with a little soil and in a matter of weeks you’ll enjoy the flowers.” I planted several of the seed blankets, including one for the hummingbird garden.

So far, nothing.

Mothers’ Day morning it was cold and raining. As I was leaving for church, I looked across the yard, and there was a hummingbird hovering over my neighbors’ flowers.

As soon as I saw it, it flew away.

Happy Mothers’ Day, Mom.

Feeling better, the young mother walked down the hall to look into the nursery at her newborn, when she noticed the well-dressed gentleman.

“Which baby is yours?” she asked. The stranger laughed.

“Oh, no, I’m not a parent,” he replied. “I’m a talent scout.”

“Scouting newborns?”

“Absolutely,” he replied. “I’ve got two positions I need to fill, and by the time children reach their first birthday, it’s far too late for grooming.” The new mother looked puzzled.

“Each generation needs to have its pre-teen heartthrobs, and that means the entertainment industry needs to identify candidates early. I’m currently on retainer to find both the male and female pre-teen heartthrobs this time around.”

“Pre-teen heartthrobs?” asked the mother.

“Oh, yes,” the talent scout replied. “Someone for the young girls to gush over; In the past we had Rudolf Valentino, Frank Sinatra, Donny Osmond, boy bands and now, Justin Bieber.”

“And the boys?”

“We take care of them, too. Over the years we provided Shirley Temple, Judy Garland, Annette Funicello, Lady Gaga. Hmmmm. That baby, third from the left might have potential.”

“No!” the mother stated firmly. “I didn’t go through 18 hours of labor so Hollywood could make a nutcase out of my son. I think it would be best for you to leave.

“Now!” she insisted as she walked into the nursery, picked up her son and held him tightly.

There are some wonderful quotes throughout history. However, what some people would say would be very different from such wonderful literary quotations.

“I want to die with you, Wendy, on the streets tonight in an everlasting kiss.” – Bruce Springsteen; “Born to Run”

“Hey, baby, you’re like, not-too-bad,”

“I came. I saw. I conquered.’ – Julius Casesar

“General, in accordance with reference (a) [OPORDER 12345], objective achieved 23hours 10 minutes Zulu.Over.”

“I regret that I have but one life to give for my country!”- Nathan Hale upon being hanged as a Yankee spy.

“Ngggh”

“The torch has been passed to a new generation…” John F. Kennedy, Inaugural speech.

“Hey, dude, you’re old, go away.”

“That’s one small step for (a) man; one giant leap for mankind.” – Neil Armsrtong, the first man on the moon.

“Ha! Take that Madonna, and Kanye and everybody else. I did it! Me! Ha! Take that you losers!”

Maybe that’s why we look up to those people who said it first, and better..

“America’s Greatest Flag Officer” by Chuck Steele which appears in the June 2013 issue of Naval History magazine, is fascinating. When most people thing of World War I they immediately think of John “Black Jack” Pershing. Pershing’s success and reputation is no accident; he chose assignments based on how well they would benefit his future success. While stationed at Fort Russell in Wyoming, he married Frances Warren the daughter of the most powerful politician in the state (also named Francis).

Pershing used his political clout with Teddy Roosevelt to be promoted from captain directly to brigadier general, skipping over 3 ranks and 860 senior officers. He achieved the highest rank ever awarded – “U.S. General of the Armies” equivalent to a six-star general. It was such a unique honor that Congress in 1976 posthumously promoted George Washington out of courtesy.

In the meantime, William S. Sims career was unfolding in somewhat a similar manner. The difference was that he tended to seek assignments that would better the ability of the Navy, taking chances that could have hurt his career but were nevertheless the right thing to do. He accepted assignments that exposed him to the British, French and Russian Navies, and when he realized that the US Navy was not an equal, he pressed against the bureaucracy for years to bring about improvements. It’s testimony to his ability that he was able to take on the establishment and still be promoted.

American entry into the world war was critical to its outcome, and it ended a year and a half later. During that time, Sims was a most effective officer, while Pershing managed to infuriate his French counterpart.

Today, history remembers Pershing and has all but forgotten Sims. However, Sims made his choices based on what was best for the Navy, and did not seek glory, so I think he’d be fine with that.

Came home from work, tired.

wx.findu.com/ke8yn

Scanners indicate potential meteorological event consisting of precipitation, changes in barometric pressure, surface winds and possible deadly electrical activity in the atmosphere.

Indications are that home surrounding of fescue (festuca) Pooideae (lawn grass) is growing outside of optimal parameters. Quickly utilized lawn tractor (shuttle) to ensure compliance to conform with regional norms.

Consulted with representative of other species (Alex – Monk parrot) and he advised me that upon completion of fescue mission, I should withdraw and conduct restorative maneuvers.

Poured wine.

Blogged.

Good night.

I must be missing out on a great part of life without even knowing it. While I know I’m missing “it,” I don’t know what “it” is. Others seem to be massively engaged, while I’m left out of the excitement.

I speak, of course, of the people who must constantly be talking on their cell phones. They drive with their phone to their ear, walk while talking on the phone and even shop while similarly engaged.

It must be important, because they seem to speak loudly and with great excitement.

I suppose a top legal expert or a neurosurgeon might have to consult at a moment’s notice, but since I see a lot of this activity at Wal-Mart, I suspect that these are not necessarily among the highest paid in-demand professionals.

Are they getting advice on which breakfast cereal has the highest fiber content? The best canned asparagus? Which box of wine is most highly rated?

Whatever it is, it sure must be important, and I feel left out.

The Bible
The History Channel
http://www.history.com/shows/the-bible

When we see family or tribal based societies, we have difficulty appreciating them. Many Muslim countries adhere to these relationships just as the Jews did throughout the Bible. The father, as head of the family could speak on behalf of the whole family – and the extended family. All who lived as part of his family were subject to his decisions. Joshua could, therefore, commit his entire household to serve the Lord God.

Imagine how such a commitment might play out today.

“I have committed this family to serve the Lord,” said Joshua as he walked into his suburban home outside a major American city.

“Now, Joshua,” replied his wife. “We’ve talked about you committing me to things without me agreeing to it, first. You can say whatever you want, but don’t expect me to blindly follow.”

“Dad!” replied his eldest son. “All the kids are into worshiping the Baals! I’m not going to be a social outcast, just because of you.”

“Hey, don’t look at me,” replied another child. “I’m your stepson. When I talk to my REAL dad, he’ll be honked off.”

Today the dynamics are different. In a faith centric family, the husband and wife are hopefully already on the same page. Two committed adults are stronger than one and better able to guide the family together. It’s different, in that each of us has more of a voice.

But that means each of us is called upon to commit ourself to God and his way individually as opposed to relying on someone else to commit us.

Put the tablet down. Step away from the computer. Show me your hands – and I don’t want to see a smartphone.

Go outside and look at the flowers, or new leaves, or the melting snow, depending where you live.

Walk over to your significant other, look them straight in the eye and just enjoy what beautiful eyes they have.

Hold hands with someone, unless you feel compelled to give them a hug.

Look at your kids and realize what a miracle they are – even if they do drop everything on the floor.

Compliment someone on something you enjoy about them.

Isn’t that better than reading a blog?

We are a data driven society. Polls are taken regarding virtually any subject and consume far more of the media than the actual events they attempt to predict. Reliable instant communications allows twenty-four hour news to feed us information on scandals far and wide. We are shocked by the collapse of a clothing factory in Bangladesh or by the suspected use of chemical weapons in Syria. We have access to unemployment data, Gross Domestic Product and how each affects Wall Street in real time.

We believe that if we decode all the data in DNA, we could recreate mammoths, or even dinosaurs.

Satellites feed us data to allow us to accurately predict the weather days in advance (except when the surprise severe storm appears.)

Does that make us powerful? I think not.

Knowledge is only powerful when it is used to make a decision and then execute that decision. If we read about a disaster and it causes us (and countless others) to make a donation to an organization that is helping out, that’s powerful. If knowing about a house fire causes us to check our smoke detectors and buy a fire extinguisher that means something.

Merely knowing is inconsequential. Knowing what to do with what you’ve learned is wherein the power lies.

for an appropriate illustration

but none of them were funny!

I don’t happen to believe in reincarnation, but the concept presents some interesting situations.

If you’re reincarnated, does deja vu feel different?

Could you be charged for 300 years overdue fines on the library book you lost in a previous life?

If you’re married in this life and have an affair with your spouse from a previous life, is it wrong?

If in a previous life you left everything to yourself in a next life, would you have to pay tax on the inheritance?

The worst thing of all?

All through whichever life you’re living, you’d know that when you come back you’d have to eat those awful tasting baby foods and suffer from diaper rash, all over again.

I’ve never understood sports, and even if I did understand sports, all it would take is the game of cricket to confuse me. I’m not sure anyone really understands cricket.

We drove 114 miles to watch my daughter play soccer today. After 1 hour of actual play, we drove 114 miles back.

I don’t understand soccer. They say even professional soccer players can’t quite figure out the off-sides rule, so I’m in good company.

But I do understand that I live and work for my family.

If that includes 2 hours each way (plus or minus) time to talk with my wife and whichever kid is playing; if that includes being there for my family and if that includes building memories my kids will carry with them, that I understand.

http://money.cnn.com/2013/04/25/news/economy/cancer-drug-cost/

The link above goes to a disturbing article about a drug company that has tripled the price of an anti-cancer drug because people literally can’t live without it.

There’s a huge difference between doing well and doing good. Novartis, the drug company is apparently doing well.

On the other hand, we have the example of Jesus curing everything up to – and including – death. The most He asked for was some hospitality.

I doubt that when we meet our maker, He’ll be impressed by our ROI (Return On Investment) or EBITDA (Earnings Before Interest, Tax, Depreciation, and Amortization).

I suspect He will judge us on WYDTLMB (Whatsoever You Do To the Least of My Brothers.)

Men and women are different. This has nothing to do with equality – it’s just a fact.

Women’s magazines stress the importance of men helping with the “hard k” sounding things – cleaning, cooking and kids. I have yet to see an article saying something like, “Bond with your husband by installing new wax seals for your toilets,” or “Love on a rooftop while replacing shingles.”

Women have a thing for bags and shoes. People have tried to explain this to me over the years. I nodded and smiled, but the vacant stare made it obvious that I just didn’t get it.

One told me that the popularity of shoes is due to the fact that the size remains the same.

Whatever.

I try to do my share of the “hard k” things on behalf of my family. When my wife and I first met, I was a single parent, so am fully qualified on laundry – including ironing and replacing buttons, and cook pretty well, if I do say so myself.

The other side of the equation is that guys like “hard g” sounding things – gadgets, grills, guns and guitars. Gadgets include tools, special purpose cooking utensils, and anything that uses fuel. I have a collection of guitars – acoustic, electric, six string, and twelve string. I have a Taylor that is my “church acoustic,” and yes, I have a “church electric, too. My everyday guitar sits next to my chair in the family room.

It’s a guy thing. At least I don’t need shoes to match each guitar.

Like I said, men and women are different.

Giant snails are invading Florida.

National Geographic
http://www.nationalgeographic.com

I lived in Florida for a few years, and remember my wife reading to me from a book about Florida. The book said you could describe Florida in one word.

Bugs.

Now I know snails are really terrestrial pulmonate gastropod molluscs, but anything that makes you want to squish it qualifies as a bug in my book.

These snails are particularly nasty. They are Giant African Land Snails and get as big as rats while eating their way through stucco and plaster.

I believe that instead of panicking, we should act.

First, chill four cases of chardonnay.

Mix 100 pounds of butter with a quart of minced garlic and the juice and zest of two dozen lemons. Fire up the big grill and invite your friends over for an all-you-can-eat escargot party.

Better chill more chardonnay and add a couple of cases of beer.

colbyandstacy.wordpress.com