Read This It’s Genius!

A Kardashian. I’m not sure which one.

Since the news is no longer the news—having been replaced by opinion and celebrity gossip, it’s important to realize that the photos in many online articles are frequently stock photos with no real relation to the story.

A Fire!

Once upon a time in traditional news, a story about a fire would include pictures or diagrams of that particular fire. Today’s stories probably include a stock photo of some type of fire, somewhere, but having nothing to do with the event in the article. As never proven in a recent medical study, a few titillating or gruesome photos are better than a metric long ton of facts any day.

It’s like reality television in print. What you see is as real as anything from Mother Goose or the Brothers Grimm. Why? Because like Reality TV, writers’ costs are minimal or nonexistent. Many people don’t care that it’s all bullshit, while others can’t tell. Besides, it’s cheap to produce.

WARNING!!!! Facts may bite you in the ass!!!!!

It helps that today’s media consumers couldn’t tell a fact if it bit them on the ass; however, for some reason, people will gobble it up, accept it as fact, “like” it, and forward it to their friends.

So, if you believe that what you see is real, the next thing you’ll be doing is explaining how on 1/6/2021 you were part of the crowd desperate to find the US Capitol Gift Shop. Somebody made a wrong turn and everybody else followed. Since there were many older white males in the crowd, they were just desperate to find the restroom.

Reality? What Reality?

Deepfakes are becoming more sophisticated and hard to tell from actual, factual images. Part of this is due to people seeming to prefer deepfakes over reality. For example, a recent deepfake supposedly shows an explosion at the Pentagon. The fact that the building looks nothing like the Pentagon does not dissuade many from downloading it, proclaiming it real, and–well, whatever conspiracy theorists do next. (They apparently do not have a consistent next step, so everybody just makes up their own.)

In the meantime, AI developers are desperately fighting smear campaigns. In particular they are vehemently protesting a recent photograph of Supreme Court Chief Justice and Grand Imperial Poobah John Roberts. The photo shows Roberts claiming that “He and the other justices were working to hold themselves to the ‘highest standards’ of ethical conduct.”

“This photo is not a deepfake,” claims an artificial intelligence expert who asked not to be named. “We have our standards, low though they may be. We would never attempt to portray such a ridiculous, unbelievable statement. I have no idea as to who is responsible, but they should be ashamed that they would stoop so low and promote such an egregious lie.”

Attempts to contact the Supreme Court for comments did not receive a reply. However, Diana Ross is reported to have asked everyone to not confuse the 1960’s Supremes musical group in any way with the Supreme Court.

The Queen Is Dead! Long Live the King!

For at least two or three months, we we have been subjected to countless news articles telling us that King Charles would soon be coronated (coronated? What the hell is wrong with crowned?) Eventually, Saturday 6 May 2023 dawned and the pomp and circumstance and ceremony and more pomp etc., had wall-to-wall coverage of the event on American television.

(Didn’t we fight Great Britain and King George III for over 10 years to be freed?)

Since then, everyday, we continue to get stories about King Charles and Queen Camilla on the Internet, on TV, and in papers and magazines.)


The best I can figure out is that this is a tribute to Chevy Chase and Saturday Night Live. In the first season of SNL, whenever Chevy presented the Weekend Update, the top story was “Generalissimo Francisco Franco” is still dead!”

So, I guess that today’s news is to proclaim that Charles is still King.

Of course, given that his mother held onto the throne until her dying breath, Charles probably repeatedly needs to hear that he is still (and finally) King.

Wimps with Guns

It doesn’t matter how pro-gun you are; some things just don’t make sense.

Gun safety rules are fairly basic:

  • Every gun is treated as loaded until you personally verify that it is unloaded—both the magazine and the chamber. Unload your weapon when not in use.
  • Do not put your finger inside the trigger guard, much less on the trigger, unless you are ready to shoot.
  • Do not point the gun at anything you do not intend to shoot or kill. Keep the muzzle pointed in a safe direction at all times.

It does not take a genius to practice gun safety, but lately it seems as though people at the opposite end of the bell-shaped curve (i.e., idiots) are in the news for gun usage.

  • In Davies, FL, an Instacart driver attempting to deliver groceries had trouble finding the address, pulled into the wrong driveway and the owner fired three shots, striking the car.
  • Ralph Yarlwas (age 16) was shot by 84-year-old Andrew Daniel Lester in Kansas City, Missouri, when the teen went to the wrong house to pick up his siblings.
  • In upstate New York, Kaylin Gillis was a passenger in a vehicle that pulled into the wrong driveway while looking for a friend’s house. The resident, 65-year-old Kevin Monahan, fired two shots from his front porch, Washington County Sheriff Jeffrey Murphy said in a news conference Monday.
  • The list goes on and on.

When I was in Southwest Asia, I was trained on every weapon I might need to use, M-16 rifle and M9 pistol. I then had to qualify as competent with the weapon on a range while stateside and again when I was overseas. How many of these people have had training or had to prove their competence?

The last case really concerns me. The Akron police attempted to stop Jayland Walker for the heinous crime of a broken tail light, although Driving while Black cannot be discounted. He MAY have had a gun, which he MAY have fired during a vehicle chase, but did not have the gun when he was shot 46 times; some reports indicate that 94 rounds were fired by police. Three officers fired 18 rounds in 6.7 seconds. The police in the Akron case were not charged or indicted. What may be legal is not necessarily ethical or moral.

Are people such wimps that any indiscretion needs to be responded with deadly force? Are they so afraid that they cannot function any other way? What the hell is going on? Discharging a weapon is supposed to be restricted to responding to an immediate threat to life or property, not a paranoid fantasy of what might happen.

All I can add is that I’m damn glad none of these yayhoos deployed with me to a combat zone. Any action of this type and they would have endangered others. They would then have been yanked back, their weapon confiscated, and potentially brought up on charges.

When Jesus Was Dead

When He was here on earth, Jesus experienced almost everything that we do. I say almost because He did not experience life as a privileged person. He did not experience wealth or power. However, He did experience friendship, good food and drink, and celebrations. He also experienced hunger, thirst, betrayal, pain, and ultimately, death.

While we know about his suffering and death, we do not know much about what it was like for Jesus to be dead in the tomb. I believe that he experienced death in a manner similarly to how all humans do because in John’s gospel He told Mary Magdalene that He had not yet ascended to the Father.

Was He aware from the time He was laid in the tomb until He rose? Again, we do not know, but it makes me believe that He experienced the human condition from birth, through childhood, the awkward teenage years, working as a day laborer, His ministry, and finally, death.

When we pray, we can never say, “You don’t understand.”

Jesus, to use the vernacular, has “been there and done that.” When we ask for help He truly understands, although He may not provide the particular answer we wish. But I believe that His answer is the best one.

An Obvious Trump Joke

Sorry, but sometimes there’s an obvious joke—such an obvious joke that it just begs to be told. If I were arrested for this, I’d tell the judge, “Honest, your honor, there was this huge straight line headed right at me. I had no choice but to defend myself!”

So, in the spirit of satire, here goes:

Donald Trump was indicted (not indicated) today, however, he spoke to reporters and fans from Mara Lago after he returned from New York.

“The grand jury was the BIGGEST grand jury ever assembled. Not only that, but no other president has ever had so many charges against them. It’s like my inauguration crowd—HUGE! And like the hundreds of thousands of people at every one of my rallies!

“No other president has ever had SO MANY AND SO MUCH. It’s mind boggling!”

Incidentally, should Trump be sentenced to prison, his secret service detail would remain with him. So as not to interfere with prison operations, they are being asked to wear the same color orange as the prisoners, but cut as a Brooks Brothers’ suit rather than as a coverall. The suits will have SS on the back to avoid any confusion.

Who Condemned Jesus?

This year, three major religions have important holy days around the same time. Many Christians will celebrate Easter on 9 April (some Orthodox Christians will celebrate it on 16 April). Jews will celebrate Pesach (Passover) from dusk on 5 April until after nightfall on April 13. Muslims are already observing Ramadan, with Eid al Fitr on 21 April.

This may be a good time to reflect on a few things. For example, on Palm Sunday, Jesus rode into Jerusalem to cheers and adulation. Today, we might say that the crowds went wild! And by all reports, they did. How many of these people were followers of Jesus? Probably not too many, but they got caught up in the event and the emotions.

Not too many days later, Jesus was subjected to a trial—illegal because it was held in the middle of the night and condemned to death. Crowds, given the opportunity to have him released, instead demanding that Jesus to be crucified.

How many of the crowd that cheered his arrival but later jeered at his suffering and death?

The reason I bring this up is that this was most likely due to groupthink. Groupthink is a psychological phenomenon that occurs within a group of people in which the desire for harmony or conformity in the group results in an irrational or dysfunctional decision-making outcome. Cohesiveness, or the desire for cohesiveness, in a group may produce a tendency among its members to agree at all costs. This causes the group to minimize conflict and reach a consensus decision without critical evaluation.*

Regardless of your personal beliefs, the reason I mention this is because in today’s world, there seems to be a lot of groupthink. The key part is that decisions are made due to peer pressure without personal evaluation. Those who practice Christianity tend to believe that they would never have been the ones to cheer Jesus’ demise. Similarly, many of us believe we would never, ever be among those who jeered at Jesus at his “trial,” trip to Golgotha, and suffering on the cross.

However, we all are subject to groupthink, especially in this day and age. When we submit our own judgement to the rule of popular opinion, we not only sacrifice our individual will, but also subscribe to whatever the mob decides without even evaluating it for right or wrong.

I respectfully suggest that we all use this time when holy days coincide to ponder this and see if we can’t do better in the future.


Old Farts Sharing History

In my wildest dreams, I would never have imagined this scenario:

“Back in the day, when I was young and just out of high school, we landed men on the moon.

“Don’t look at me like I’m crazy.

No really. 1969–over 50 years ago.”

“Why haven’t we done anything on the moon, since?” Pop-Pop.

I swear. I don’t know.

“I do. Not. Know.”


Why do cities let property owners plant dense hedges or other large obstructions on street corners so it’s impossible to see oncoming traffic?

Why do dentists—or their hygienists—stuff your mouth with all kinds of things and then a conversation?

It has to be more than bad luck that Wells Fargo Bank seems to have more major problems than their competitors—the most recent being that direct deposits aren’t showing up in people’s accounts.

Tim Burchett, Republican Congressman from Tennessee has announced that he believes that we have alien spaceships that we are reverse engineering, but it’s being hushed up. “I don’t trust government,” he added. Maybe someone should tell him that Congress IS the government.

And, finally—what does it say when The Simpsons is one of the most honest and reliable programs on Fox?

Girls Basketball Team Denied Trophy after Beating Boys for Championship

Whenever I think of Alabama—especially regarding issues like this—I cannot help but remember Vinny Gambini (Joe Pesci) saying, “Hey Stan, you’re in Ala-F***in-Bama.” Having lived in the Deep South, I can attest that things are different down there.

According to the article, an Alabama fifth-grade girls basketball team, which had played in the girls’ basketball league for three years, was told that they could not use the city’s gym unless they joined the city’s recreational league. This meant they would be playing the boys teams.

They joined the league and paid their dues. They played the boys. They did well and went all the way to the championship but were told that regardless of the outcome, they wouldn’t get the trophy or be named champions

The girls won. The boys’ team lost and was awarded both the title and the trophy.


The only reason was because they are girls!

This opens a whole new area of opportunities. In Alabama and other red states, after an election is over and the votes are all counted, in the unlikely event that a Democrat wins, they can give the victory to the GOP (Good Old [Boys’] Party) through the same logic. “They aren’t allowed to win—they’re Democrats!”

Here’s the article:

[Cue Tom Lehrer’s I Want to Go Back to Dixie]

Mr. Speaker??

As you probably know, Kevin McCarthy, Speaker of the House of Representatives, released 41,000 hours of video from the January 6 insurrection to Tucker Carlson at Fox Gnus. These videos not only show what was happening but will also disclose the location and capabilities of all the security systems in the Capitol Building. This permits Carlson to cherry pick sections of the videos to support any preconceived views of Rupert Murdoch and Fox News as well as being an homage to Vladimir Putin an RT (Russia Today) television. These tapes provide priceless information to anyone considering future assaults on the Capitol. It’s likely that Fox will make arrangements to provide coverage of future insurrections emphasizing tourists looking for the gift shop.

At birth, Kevin McCarthy was not named after former senator Joe McCarthy, responsible for the red scare and blackballing of innocent individuals accused of being communists. Being a member of the communist party was never illegal until 1954, after Joe McCarthy’s tirade. However, he apparently adulates his namesake.

Kevin McCarthy explained that the reason he disclosed this sensitive video information to Carlson was because he had promised to do so (although, he apparently never mentioned Fox News). McCarthy made numerous promises before and during the record setting 16 (!) ballots before he squeaked into the Speaker’s chair.

It is ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE that George Santos, Ron Johnson, Anna Paulina Luna, Andy Ogles, and other GOP members of Congress disclosed additional private promises that Kevin McCarthy made in order to become Speaker. These DID NOT include:

  • Marjorie Taylor Green being named Vice Speaker and Master of the World, requiring McCarthy to genuflect in her presence.
  • Backdated “Real ID” cards indicating adulthood for any underage girls Matt Gaetz “dated.” He will also receive an entire deck of Get Out of Jail Free cards.
  • The Department of Energy will be instructed to begin construction on an extension cord for Ted Cruz so he can vacation in the Caribbean the next time the Texas power grid crashes.
  • Jim Jordan will be named Mr. Congeniality, and will be allowed to celebrate “Casual Friday” every day. He will never have to wear a coat and tie again.
  • Lauren Boebert will receive sessions with professional stylists to dye her hair, provide a makeover, and appropriate(??) clothing to allow her to more closely emulate MTG.
  • All GOP representatives will be authorized to carry weapons, up to and including a .50 caliber M2 machine gun, in committee rooms. Due to crowded conditions, they will be requested to limit themselves to AR-15s or smaller in the House Chambers to allow everyone room to pack heat.

Fortunately, no member of the Party of Lincoln would embrace racism, tell lies, or demand a quid-pro-quo for the honor of serving in the legislature. Oddly, a noticeable whirring sound has been emanating from Abraham Lincoln’s tomb; this began during the speaker selection process.

Warning to Russians

A word of advice to all senior Russian officials.

Don’t go near the windows in tall buildings.

Sixteen and still counting . . . .

The Demise of the Chinese Balloon

Courtesy Wikipedia

Republicans are critical of President Biden for waiting to destroy the Chinese spy balloon. The President directed the Pentagon to destroy it at the earliest opportunity. The Pentagon advised waiting until it was no longer over occupied areas to avoid killing or injuring Americans as well as causing destruction of American property.

It is likely that the Pentagon was carefully monitoring the balloon’s activities. While a balloon is more-or-less going to travel where the winds dictate, the payload is under fewer restrictions. Does it transmit? If it does, does the transmission type or rate change? Is it more active when over “sensitive” areas?

Of course, with the military’s weather prediction capabilities, the balloon’s path would be absolutely no mystery. When the balloon was over bases or other government installations, the DoD likely hid whichever of their toys they did not want seen and put out the ones that they did. (“Look! The American Navy is still using Stearman biplanes!”)

And as I write this, Navy divers are probably relaxing after recovering the payload while intelligence types are going over everything with a fine tooth comb . President Biden’s intelligence briefings for the past few days have probably been the NSA version of “show-and-tell.”

So what are the Republicans complaining about? Apparently, since shooting down the balloon might have resulted in damage, destruction, and even death, they weren’t suggesting it be shot down just anywhere. Preferably, they wanted it shot down over a blue state.



Dystopia – adjective    dys·​to·​pi·​an —  variants or less commonly dystopic
of, relating to, or being an imagined world or society in which people lead dehumanized, fearful lives : relating to or characteristic of a dystopia

I was clicking around Netflix the other day trying to find a movie that appealed to me. Since I like science fiction I naturally gravitated toward those. One of the most common words I saw in the descriptions was dystopian. Many movies were described in terms such as “In a dystopian world,” or “A dystopian tale.”

One of my favorite movies is Blade Runner, which I believe is the gold standard for dystopian[i]. Los Angeles is portrayed as a decaying derelict, although it does have many animated billboards flashing crass commercial messages. However, I don’t see the need for a plethora of depressing, hopeless dramas.

However, it is my opinion that creating a truly dystopian movie, in light of today’s reality, is going to be hard without it seeming like just another reality show. Everywhere you look—politics, business, international relations, medicine, etc. is, to put it bluntly, dystopian—as in fucked up. Otherwise, how can we explain the following:

  • Political parties that seem to believe that whoever tells the most lies wins.
  • Congress is willing to commit to expenditures, but when the bill becomes due, they balk at paying it.
  • One hundred fifty-eight years after the end of the Civil War, people still spout white supremacy and fly the Confederate battle flag (It is not the flag of the Confederacy).
  • Only about 7 percent of Americans have served in the military, yet we have too many people and groups claiming to be patriots or militias. In fact, over 71 percent of America’s youth aged 17-24 don’t qualify for military service. Only 1 percent are both qualified and interested in serving.
  • People actually believe that if a piece of information was on the internet, it must be true.
  • Although there were supply chain issues and inflation, some industries—including big grocery companies—are enjoying record profits, while poor Americans struggle.
  • Everyone decides that there is a huge difference between Us and Them. Notice how many groups add their own special color to the middle of the American flag as a symbol of that separation.

The sad part is that every one of these issues could be quickly resolved if people wanted to. Instead, far too many emphatically do not want to. Hence, Dystopia.

[i] The original author of the short story on which it is based, Philip K. Dick—who also wrote the stories that became Total Recall, Minority Report, etc.—died in relative poverty. How’s that for dystopian?

Workplace Reality

“I want to play a game with you Dr. Floyd”
“I don’t have time for games.”
“This is a good game. It is called the truth.”
2010:The Year We Make Contact

The truth is often difficult. Many times it is even difficult for those who already have the most. Especially for those who have the most.

For example, why is there so much emphasis on minimizing work from home and getting people back into the office?

It is to placate the fragile egos of senior managers.

If a company manufactures tangible products, obviously, it cannot performed remotely. Likewise, for face-to-face customer service. But many organizations deal primarily with information, and can conduct all, or mostly all functions with employees at home.

We all know that there is now a major difference in pay between senior managers and productive workers. However, senior managers rely on a variety of other theatrics to massage their egos and let the regular employees know their place. Perhaps the most egregious are the general working conditions. For example, cubicles are the worst, especially the playpen sized cubicles that became popular in the late two-thousand teens. These are the ones that measure about 4 or 5 feet on a side and are only about 4 foot high.

Playpen cubicles reduce productivity by up to 50 percent. The idea was that it would encourage interaction, although it is rare for employees working toward similar results to be proximate. This may have been the case when the cubicles were installed, but, soon, people move onto different projects and the cluster is broken up.

Cubicles do result in a great deal of non-productive noise, making concentration difficult. However, many people become knowledgeable as to who is having marital problems, who is buying which kind of automobile, appliance, or firearm, not to mention others political and religious views. In many offices, the switch to such cubicles was just before COVID-19 hit and allowed for more efficient infection of coworkers.

However, the managers can open the door of their office, step out and a walk through the area to view a sea of faces for eight hours a day, for 200-250 days per year.

Of those eight hours, how many are productive? Somewhere between four and six-and this is if you count the hours spent creating PowerPoint slides, internal reports, etc. It is more important for managers to have “asses in chairs” than to produce results. This is one of the reasons that there are so many routinely scheduled meetings that accomplish next to nothing. As one cartoon years ago indicated “Meetings – the logical alternative to work.”

Working from home, on the other hand, must and does focus on accomplishing things. Unfortunately, the corporate vice presidents or one-star generals do not receive adequate ego massaging from results. When faced with a choice between productivity and senior managers’ egos, we all know what wins.

I love Dan Piraro’s Bizarro

Putin’s Windows

“Are you thinking about home improvements for the New Year? Are you trying to make your home more appealing for yourself or for potential buyers. Then, this message is for you.

“Hi, I’m Vladimir Putin, but you can call me Vlad. If you are thinking about fixing up the old dacha, I’m here to help.

“Russian winters are cold, so we appreciate the need for top notch windows in order to stay warm and Vlad’s award-winning windows are world famous. They are double glazed to keep the warm air in and the cold air out. Even more important, they are guaranteed to last 20 years, or for the first 10 ‘accidents’ that may befall rivals and enemies.

“Our patented oligarch-accident feature is guaranteed to pop the glass out to allow for the convenient disposal of undesirables. But wait—there’s more!

“After the body has cleared the window, the Vlad award-winning window automatically returns the glass to its proper location. There is rarely even a smudge and the action is so quick that your room will still stay toasty and warm in winter or cool in summer.

“These are especially appropriate for upper floor windows.

“So don’t delay, call today for a free estimate. And if you’re after a bargain, our low prices are especially appealing if you pay in US dollars. Call.  You won’t regret it. And don’t forget to ask about our Novichok  coated doorknobs to keep pesky salesmen and neighbors from interrupting your family meals.

“Tell them, Vlad sent you and  use code ‘1984’ for free delivery!”

Stories Behind the Headlines

Ted Cruz Speaks Out Over Joe Biden’s Vacation During Winter Storm (CNN) – Apparently, Ted’s flight to Costa Rica got cancelled by Southwest Airlines this year, so he’s pissed. He doesn’t want to remain in Texas in case the electrical grid goes down again this year.

Football World Shocked By Cheez-It Bowl Announcement (MSN) – The representative told Carter Karels of the Tallahassee Democrat that there is no such thing as “Cheez-Its.” Apparently, one Cheez-It is a Cheez-It, and two or more of the Cheez-It are called “Cheez-It crackers.”

I’m certainly glad that we got that straightened out. Now, perhaps, the world can truly be a better place.

Russian troops fighting in Ukraine can freeze their sperm for free (CNN) – Given the winter weather in Ukraine, wouldn’t this just happen naturally to the underequipped Russian soldiers who lack proper cold-weather gear? On the other hand, if the Russian military is anything like the American military, I can just picture the sperm-ex:

Noncomm – “Alright men, line up. Svetlana and Tatiana, you ladies are excused, unless you want to assist or just watch.

“Each of you has been given a plastic vial. Make sure your name and service number are clearly written on the label. Right handers, hold the vial in your left hand. Left handers, hold it in your right hand. On my command, unzip your fly and begin. If you see a Ukrainian drone, take cover, but do not spill the vial.

“Begin! Think of Mother Russia and make her proud!

“When you finish, cap your vial and place it on this table. Medics will then treat you for frostbite and you are then to return to duty.”

Power Players and You

I just thought I’d mention this. If Vladimir Putin wants to be best friend—run, don’t walk to the nearest exit, and keep on running.

Yet another Putin ally, Dmitry Zelenov, met an untimely end. On vacation, he was feeling under the weather, and fell down the stairs. Naturally, he suffered fatal injuries.

Go figure.

And, in my personal opinion, avoid close friendships with any and all politicians. They may have all the power in the world today, but tomorrow—who knows?

Management, Fads, and Gimmicks

The business world has always fascinated me, which is why my degrees are in business. One part that I always enjoyed was the amazing management tool du jour. There was quality management, then quality circles, then—actually, there have been so many that I’m not sure which came next.

Laurence J. Peters gave us the Peter Principle, which says that a person with ability will be promoted until they no longer could succeed; it was often paraphrased as the cream rises until it sours. There was the Sixty Second Manager, followed by The 59 Second Employee

Then came the Sine Qua Non; the golden fleece; the masterpiece—nay, the perfection—of management, Six Sigma. General Electric championed it (even though an engineer at Motorola created it). If GE says so, it has to be good—right?

There are different degrees of six sigma, identified as “belts” as seen in Judo or Karate. Six sigma was gospel; in fact it was better that gospel—after all it was from GE—right?

After all the hoopla, most of it has been relegated to the island of last years’ business models.

GE suffered through, and survived, Jack Welsh—known as  Neutron Jack. This was in honor of neutron bombs, which are designed to kill all the people, but leave the buildings standing. GE Capital, which had been profitable AND supported GE’s other product lines was mostly sold off. Much of the medical manufacturing was shipped off to China. Appliances carrying the GE brand are often, if not mostly, manufactured by some other company who pays GE to use its trademark.*

GE recently announced that it was spinning off its entire health care division. It will be interesting to see if this is to make it easier to sell off. Jack Walsh would approve, but I don’t know how the decision would score in six sigma.

*I had a GE portable television about 10 years ago, which needed new batteries. I contacted GE and at first they said that they didn’t know who made it. In any case, I never found a compatible battery, and hooking a lithium ion battery to a charger that wasn’t designed for it can be quite messy with the explosion and all.


Thoughts on the beginning of the Holiday Season:

  • Let’s give credit where credit is due. The Pilgrims were style setters with the men introducing the new world to Goth styles of clothes.
  • Likewise, wearing a buckle and belt on one’s hat may have been the inspiration for teenagers to wear their belts low enough for their underwear to show. (For some people, belts belong anywhere except around the waist).
  • The pilgrims (who didn’t refer to themselves as pilgrims) had originally set sail planning to land elsewhere in the New World. Some say it was New Yor while others say it was Virginia—both English settlements—in any case they ended up in Massachusetts. Some say it was due to winter storms, while others claim that despite the wives’ warning, the men refused to ask for directions. (Maybe, as Bugs Bunny says, they should have made the turn at Albuquerque.)
  • Interestingly, although the “First Thanksgiving” in Massachusetts took place in 1621, Virginians celebrated Thanksgiving in 1619. It’s a good thing that there was no Twitter because the hate tweets would have flowed quickly between both states. Sometimes it’s an advantage to have snail mail (and the snail was much slower back then).

In any case, as we begin the holiday season, whether you prefer Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, or whatever, my advice is to celebrate every single holiday on the calendar.