An Interview with God

Bloggers take great pride in interviewing famous personages.  I’ve decided that I’m going to go right to the very top and interview God.  Obviously, no further introduction is necessary.

“May I call you ‘God’?”

“God” is fine.  So is “Lord.”  Many years ago I gave my proper name to Moses, but I told him to only let it be used on special occasions.  I like to have my name treated with respect.  “God” is fine.

“I don’t know where to begin…”

Given that I had no beginning, that’s understandable.

“Most of what we know about you comes from the Bible.  Is that actually your word?”

Let’s just call it “The Book.”  Some of my children call it “the Talmud” and since they have always been my chosen people, I want to make sure they feel included as well.

In any case, I didn’t actually write it myself.  I’ve got people to do that.  I inspired them and they wrote it.  All in all, they did a pretty good job, although not perfect.  The problem is that I’m perfect but people are not, so it sometimes loses something in the translation.  Here’s a way you might understand.  Say your wife wanted to have the kitchen remodeled and you hire a contractor and the appropriate craftsmen.  Your wife explains exactly what she wants it to look like in great detail.  They take a lot of time doing the work and when it’s done it’s beautiful.  But it’s never exactly as your wife imagined it.  It’s kind of the same thing.

“What about creation?  Is the Bible’s record of creation accurate?”

The Book; The Book!  The Book is not a stockholders’ report.  No one is in a position to tell Me that I have to explain how I created the universe.  I did it?  Me! Without help!  If I may say so it was the greatest do-it-yourself project ever imagined.

Now look at it from my perspective.  You can’t figure out how to use all the features on your smart phone.  Your kids can’t figure out how to load a dishwasher, but you think that you could understand how I created the universe?  I hardly think so. 

I created it.  All of it.  That’s what you need to know and that’s the message that The Book gives.  However if a large part of Genesis were reduced to “God created everything” it would not only make for a much shorter book but a far less interesting one.  Back when people weren’t in such a hurry they liked to hear a story, not just sound bites.  Tell your news people –“Here are the sound bites from God.  ‘I created it. All of it. It’s mine.’”

“The Book speaks of many prophets who came in your name.  How did you see them from your perspective?”

Many times when I’ve tried to talk with people they panic and don’t hear a word that I say.  Some fall over dead from the mere sight of me so I had to find people to carry my message. 

I liked Moses; he’d come up on the mountain and we could just talk.  Think about the divine version of sitting down with an old and trusted friend over a couple of cold beers.  We could chat.  That was good.

“What did you chat about?”

I had a lot of instructions I had to give him, of course, but since our personal conversations were personal, I’m not going to rat out my friend.  If you interview Moses, maybe he’ll tell you.  I can tell you one thing, though.  He was always asking why I waited until he was 85 years old, settled with his wife and family happily herding goats before I tagged him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.  Finally I gave him the best version of an answer that he could comprehend.  “Moses,” I asked, “Do you have a sense of humor?”  Naturally he answered that he did.  “And were you created in my image and likeness?”  It was an “Ah ha” moment for him.

“How about the others?”

There were, are and will be many messengers that I send.  David was a hoot.  It was awesome to see such an underdog take out Goliath.  Don’t forget that it wasn’t the stone that killed Goliath, that merely put him down; David took Goliath’s own sword and removed Goliath’s head.  That was when everyone watching got it.  Goliath’s sword was as big as he was.  Great kid, David.  His dancing before the Ark of the Covenant pleased me far more than it irritated his wife.  I think he knew that.  If he only could have kept his urges under control. 

Jonah was a piece of work; My work, but a piece of work nevertheless.  Then of course there was Elijah – talk about the hardest working man in the world – he truly was.  Great guy; one of my better creations, if I do say so myself.

“And Jesus?”

You humans talk about your kids being a part of you.  In my universe my Son is even more than a part of me.  As He said, He and I are one.  You’ll understand creation long before you understand the Trinity, so don’t even try.  At best you’ll get a headache. 

I sent Jesus to pay off the debt you all have run up through sin.  You think your Congress spends a lot of money.  If sin was money, Congress spends loose change.  They’re not even into the petty cash yet. When we talk about humans and sin we’re talking imperfection raised to perfection.  There was only one way to deal with it and that was to do something so cataclysmically wonderful to offset everything evil your species had done or would do.  You have no idea how much He loves you or even as I sit here, how much I love you. 

The part that’s frustrating is that He taught many good lessons.  Even if someone is not a Christian, it’s worthwhile to listen to him.  I made that clear while He was on earth, ‘This is my Son in whom I am pleased, listen to Him!’  It’s as true today as it was then.

“Love God above all things and your neighbor as yourself.  If someone asks for your coat, give him your cloak as well.  Feed the hungry.  Love one another as I have loved you.  Forgive your brother.”  You can’t find fault with any of those because there is no fault.

“I hate to say this…”

I know, you have to go.  What kind of God would I be if I didn’t know these things?  I know what you need and look out for you.  That includes knowing even that.  Let me leave you with one last thought.

A few years ago they were putting up stark black and white billboards that said such things as, “That bit about loving your neighbor – I meant that.  – God.”  That was good and it’s an important message.  I’ve told you what you need to do.  My son came down here personally and explained it carefully and even used stories to help you remember.  I’ve laid it all out for you.

I’m here.  Feel free to talk with me.  I may not have much to say because I’ve already told you everything you need to know.  They all are part of one message, and that is that I love you.



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