The New (and IMPROVED!) Christmas Story

This Good  News is brought to you by Luke’s

(For the best deal on a new car, no one does it better than Luke.  Buy a new car before Christmas and we’ll give you a new iTablet computer absolutely free!)Chapter 2

In those days an advertisement went out into the newspapers, magazines and television stations from the Caesars Advertising Agency that the whole world would go shopping.  This “Black Friday” was the first big shopping event of the year, even though the Christmas goods had been on the shelves for nearly a month.   So all went shopping, each to the store of his or her preference.  

 (Don’t find yourself facing no room at the inn over the busy holidays.  Make your reservations online with Hotelocity.  You could end up sleeping in a stable if you don’t have a reservation!  Hotelocity, the best rates for the best rooms!)

 And, lo, parents bought their daughters dolls made of plastic that they could wrap in designer clothes and lay in Dolly’s Designer Bed (Dolly’s Designer Clothes and Bed sold separately.)  And the Shepherd family made a field trip of the event, having erected a tent and spending the night in front of the store so that they could be among the first to get those amazing Black Friday deals.  The Shepherds were quite comfortable in the Adventurer ® tent and electrify® generator watching their Tru-View® television.  So the Shepherds waited throughout the night for something wonderful to happen.

 And the manager of the store appeared before them with the lights of the store shining behind him as he told them, “Do not be afraid, for behold I proclaim to you the good news of great joy for all the people.  For today, we are opening our store at midnight rather than waiting until morning!”  And there will be many signs telling you of the bargain prices on large screen televisions, appliances, toys  and every treasure desired by man.”

 And the store’s music system played a multitude of Christmas Carols to encourage the shoppers.  And the Shepherds said “Let us go, then, into the store to see these marvelous sale prices and to grab what we want before others can beat us to it.  And the shepherds were among the first to acquire many of the goods and sang the praises of the Black Friday sale.  And the checkout lines proceeded and the optical scanners beeped as people loaded up with Christmas goodies.

 Now there were three retail executives from the east who were viewed as kings in the world of business.  And they could see what a rising star the Black Friday Sale had become.  The kings counted their gold and gave one another exotic gifts and lavish bonuses.

 So, in these troubled times, remember the true meaning of Christmas.  It’s to get the economy moving.  For every thousand minimum wage retail clerks, there is a business executive struggling to keep his trophy wife happy.   You think the kids’ soccer is expensive?  You cannot imagine dues and fees for a decent country club.  And service for Jaguars?  Don’t get me started!

This story has been brought to you by Gahanna Airlines, the only airlines where you travel less expensively than your luggage!

Merry Christmas!



One response to “The New (and IMPROVED!) Christmas Story

  1. Pingback: A Cristmas Story in Dormont | World (and Lunar) Domination

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