I am reaching out to you, whether you are elected, running for election, retired or tossed out on your kiester in a previous election. In a nut shell, you’re getting on my nerves. It is probably safe to say you’re getting on almost everybody’s nerves; those whose nerves you are not affecting are either an incumbent or at best politician wannabe. Let me offer you a little fatherly device:
1. If you don’t have anything important to say, don’t say anything.
2. I know that if you’re a member of the legislature you can’t stand the members of the executive branch. I know if you’re a member of the executive branch you hate those in the judiciary. If you’re a judge, I know that you believe that those who make or sign the laws are a bunch of illiterate baboons whose gibberish takes multiple judges to interpret. I know if you’re a Republican you can’t stand the Democrats and vice versa. Doesn’t there seem to be something wrong with all that?
3. I’m tired of negative campaign ads. I’m tired of PACs, SUPERPACs, UBERPACs, BAKPACs and FANNYPACs. If the only way you can get elected is to say “My opponent is an even bigger bottom dwelling, scum sucking slime ball than I am!” you are a loser.
4. Most people who look for a job want to be with a top rated employer. Can you explain why you are willing to spend millions and millions of dollars to get a job that pays $174,000 per year working for an organization that has a 13% approval rating? Is it really that much of a thrill for someone who hates your guts to refer to you as “My Esteemed Colleague”?
Please feel free to share a copy of this letter with your opponent. Thank you.