Exciting New Product

Bob – The following script was found outside a television production studio and may give you a glimpse of a future product.

Camera shows woman frantically searching through purse. Cut to same woman searching under cushions on the couch – obviously very frustrated.

Announcer: Has this ever happened to you?

Cut to same woman madly searching through car.

Announcer: You’ve looked everywhere and you can’t find your cell phone. Even worse, the battery is probably dead so you can’t call it to listen to it ring.

Music – First measures of “Also Spracht Zarathustra” (the 2001 – A Space Odyssey Theme)

Announcer: Now your troubles are over with this amazing new product from Bellco.

Camera shows product; tight spotlight. Star shaped glint of light from corner of product.

Announcer: You’ll never lose your phone again with our new WALL TELEPHONE. Yes that’s right. This telephone attaches permanently to your wall.

Camera shows woman lifting receiver from wall phone and answering with a huge smile.

Announcer: The heavy duty design of this phone makes it durable and reliable. The handy earpiece, microphone combination is securely attached to the wall phone base by a hand coiled cord.

Camera shows woman picking up receiver and dialing number. (Don’t forget huge smile)

Announcer: No tiny call and hang up buttons. No virtual keyboard on the screen. Just pick up the receiver, listen for a dial tone and dial your party’s number. It couldn’t be easier. The ergonomically designed handset easily balances on your shoulder, so you can talk without using your hands. You’ve never heard a cell phone with the clarity you get with this phone. No more repeating yourself because of bad telephone audio. And when you’re done with your call, merely replace the handset on the base and your call is disconnected.

Camera shows smiling teenage girl dialing phone (Huge smile).

Announcer: No waiting for a good cell signal. No embarrassing butt dialing. No batteries! This may be the last phone you ever need. Order now and we’ll also send you an address book so you can jot down your friends and relatives telephone numbers with the handy ball point pen, included at no extra charge.

Camera shows toll free number at bottom of screen.

You won’t find this phone in stores; it’s only available through this special offer, so call now.

Camera shows full screen toll free number, address and web page. End of advertisement.

We need to come up with something to compete ASAP. – Ralph

2 responses to “Exciting New Product

  1. I think I threw my back out carrying this phone around… 😦

  2. Er, wasn’t this the same phone we evolved from eons ago? lol!

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