The Speech

Dear Candidate:

I wrote the “stump speech” you requested. I’m not clear on some of your views, so you’ll have to pick one of the choices where indicated. If the past is any guide, you’ll need to change to one of the other choices as we get closer to the election.

Your speechwriter,



I am so proud to be here today speaking to {group name here} in the beautiful city of {City name here}. I came here during my last campaign and cannot express my gratitude for your hospitality. As I told you then, this city {(A) I visited many times in my youth; (B) Reminds me of where I grew up; (C) Is the type of place where I dreamed of growing up.}

As you know, I am firmly committed to decrease taxes {(A) on the middle class; (B) on those who can create jobs} while eliminating the deficit during my {(A) term in office; (B) next term in office}. I know I have your support in this commitment. I also intend to increase spending on {(A) Social programs; (B) Defense; (C) New programs designed to solve our problems}.

This is America’s {(A) finest hour (B) greatest crisis} so we need to act and do so today.

My opponent, as you know is committed to {(A) throwing your grandparents into the street when they get sick; (B) bankrupting your children and grandchildren}. I know that you have no intention of allowing that to happen. So I need your vote. I need you to show up at the polling place and cast your ballot for me.

{At this point, wave your hand in the Jedi Mind trick style and add “These aren’t the campaign promises you’ll remember.”}

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