Just a Day at the Investment Bank

“Uh, Boss. I’ve got a little problem.”

“Sure, John, what is it?”

“Well, I was doing one of those investment things, you know, and well…”

“It’s okay, John, go on.”

“Well I sort of lost $2 Billion dollars.”

“And just how did you manage to do that?”

“Well it was a hedge fund, and I invested in it, but it turned out all wrong.”

“John, do you know how hedge funds work?”

“Well, I read everything I could find about them and thought I had it figured out, but I guess not. So honestly, I have to say I don’t know how hedge funds work.”

“Well, let that be a lesson to you, John. No one knows how hedge funds work. It’s kind of like television. It’s sort of like magic.”

“So, what should I do?”

“Well, basically nothing. We all make mistakes.”

“But Two Billion Dollars! Isn’t that like a huge mistake?”

“Well, of course it is. But that’s how we learn – from our mistakes. Besides, it’s not your money or my money. It’s the investors’ money. If they can afford to invest in this lousy economy they have plenty more where that came from.”

“Am I going to get fired or something?”

“Of course not! Someone who’s already got their retirement papers in will publicly take the blame and retire and enjoy life for a change. Probably end up on half a dozen corporate boards of directors. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Well I guess I feel better and worse all at the same time.”

“John, lighten up. It’s only money – other people’s money. Now c’mon I’ll take you to a fancy restaurantto take your mind off the problem.”

“Wow! Really?”

“Of course. And the best part is since we’ve been talking business, I can charge it to my corporate expense account!


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