Cable Television

I was flipping channels the other day. You have to realize that I have more channels on my cable than there are loopholes in the U.S. tax code. There are about 600,000 sports channels – which means every professional athlete could have his or her own channel as well as a channel for any teams on which they play.

The number of shopping channels has gone down because it’s much faster to spend money online – whether you mean to or not, but look hard enough and you’ll find them.

There are government channels showing Congress at work – or their version thereof. I never knew that Congress worked in shifts with only two or three on duty at any given time. However, every night I see one person in a suit giving speeches to an empty chamber. Maybe – just maybe if the members of Congress concentrated less on talking and more on listening, we’d get farther.

But I digress.

There are channels dedicated to the news, but it really isn’t the news-news. It’s stories about the news or opinions about the news. Same with the weather channels – they mainly focus on big storms that once were rather than tomorrow’s weather. Storms are cool, forecasts are boring.

Food channels – foods you love. Foods you hate. Foods you love to hate and hate to love. Chefs you hate who make foods you love. Chefs you love making foods you hate (Imagine Rachel Ray having a special on balut….)

There are history and military channels – my favorite, of course. Where else can you see a program counting down the top ten machine guns of all time? Too bad Casey Kasem’s not interested in that gig – but then he’s too busy doing the voice of Shaggy on Scooby Doo. He’d do such a great job telling us, “And now, with the all-time favorite multi-barrel machine gun…”

I’ve written in the past about “Shreveporting.” When I used to cover Shreveport, LA in my job, I’d check into the hotel and turn on the television. They had about twelve channels, so I’d flip through and then keep flipping as though some new channel would magically appear. I find I do the same with a gazillion channels.

Shows about paranormal activity (No, really, there ARE ghosts!) Well at least all preteen viewers believe the show is real.

Shows about pawn shops. Shows about people who buy the contents of abandoned storage lockers. Shows about people who sell the contents of abandoned storage lockers to pawn shops. Shows about dog trainers. Shows about people with unusual fetishes – “A woman who eats concrete – every day. I’m sure there’s a show about a woman who eats concrete in a storage locker on her way to the pawn shop, but it probably comes on about two AM.

Now here’s the interesting part. All the people involved with those shows get paid! The “actors,” the technical people, the camera operators, the Foley operators, key grips, gaffers, the executive producers, and all those other people with interesting titles that don’t tell you what they actually do. If they get paid, why couldn’t we do something like that and get paid?

All we need is the idea for the right television program that has yet to be made. It can’t be something that has ever been done, so nothing like “Gilligan’s Island in a Storage Locker with the Top Ten Machine Guns.”

Any suggestions?

One response to “Cable Television

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