Medical Miracle

“How are you feeling, son?”


Not so well. I’m a little bit confused.


“That’s understandable. Do you know where you are?”


I’m in some kind of hospital, aren’t I?


“It’s a long term care facility. You’ve been in a coma for quite a while. Tell me what you remember.”


I remember being in the car, driving down the road, and a truck was coming at me. That’s the last thing I remember.


“It was a terrible crash. Your entire car was destroyed but by some miracle you obviously survived. Your brain and your body kind of shut everything down for a while. They sometimes shut down to give the body a chance to heal, but in your case it took a long, long time for your body to reset itself. Do you happen to know what day this is?”


No, I really don’t. I’m not even sure what year this is. They leave the television on in my room and I remember hearing all kinds of things. It might even have helped me wake up. When I did I saw women with short skirts and bare midriffs. There was an ad for “Hawaii Five-Oh” and I saw what looked like US military in some godforsaken place, so naturally I thought I was back in the 1970s.


Then I saw an ad for the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movie and “Transformer” toys so I thought I must be in the 1980s. It’s very weird when you think you’re waking up in a different time.


“I can understand your confusion. You did not go back in time, but in a sense you did travel quite a ways forward in time while you were comatose. You did miss much of the past ten years, so your brain is desperately trying to fill in the blanks. It’s now the year 2012. Many of the things that you have known in the past have come back. They’ve made movies of ‘Charlie’s Angels.’ Batman has been back several times, as has Superman and Spiderman. It may be confusing but it’s nothing to worry about. What else have you seen or heard since you woke up?”


Well, I guess there’s a presidential election coming up. I’ve seen lots of political advertisements, and they’re, well they’re vicious. It seems like people need jobs but no one is helping. I hear about fights over healthcare. Everyone is calling everyone else names. That’s not anything I’ve ever seen before, or want to see again.


“Mm Hmm.”


So I have one question.


“Go ahead.”


If what I’ve seen so far is any indication of what the present is like…




Can you put me back into my coma, at least until after the elections are over?

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