6:00 NETWORK NEWS: The world on the brink of war! Threats from North Korea! Trouble in Syria! Palestine and Israel! Special report on how this affects Lindsay Lohan.
7:00 TRAILER TRASH: Cute little “Doggie Doo Doo” wants to go to school, but Big Fat Mama says, “No! You need to stay stupid, so we can keep having our own TV show!”
8:00 REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MOSCOW: Olga suspects husband Ivan of pursuing widow next door when she finds pictures of neighbor’s tractor in Ivan’s workshop. Meanwhile Alyona’s new job at the museum goes awry when she accidentally locks Lenin’s body in a closet and must convince Alexei to impersonate the dead Russian leader until the locksmith arrives.
9:00 SO YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT TALENT: Special Edition! A hilarious lineup of tone deaf musicians, uncoordinated dancers and a juggler with limited mobility due to an unfortunate accident with a chainsaw during his audition. Celebrity judges Nancy Grace, Lady GaGa, Paris Hilton and Kanye West all in particularly nasty moods.
10:00 SURVIVOR – HOLLYWOOD: NEW! Having eliminated the cost of writers, Survivor takes the next logical step and films on the streets of Hollywood. Contestants must face a series of challenges armed only with a Gucci bag and a Green American Express Card.
11:00 LOCAL NEWS: Someone went into a neighborhood bar but came out feet first. We’ll tell you who.