Daily Archives: April 23, 2013

Danger! Doom! And Disaster!

Among all the doom and gloom that we read about every day, is one particularly troubling story.

Giant snails are invading Florida.

I lived in Florida for a few years, and remember my wife reading to me from a book about Florida. The book said you could describe Florida in one word.

Bugs.

Now I know snails are really terrestrial pulmonate gastropod molluscs, but anything that makes you want to squish it qualifies as a bug in my book.

These snails are particularly nasty. They are Giant African Land Snails and get as big as rats while eating their way through stucco and plaster.

I believe that instead of panicking, we should act.

First, chill four cases of chardonnay.

Mix 100 pounds of butter with a quart of minced garlic and the juice and zest of two dozen lemons. Fire up the big grill and invite your friends over for an all-you-can-eat escargot party.

Better chill more chardonnay and add a couple of cases of beer.

grill

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