Danger! Doom! And Disaster!

Among all the doom and gloom that we read about every day, is one particularly troubling story.

Giant snails are invading Florida.

I lived in Florida for a few years, and remember my wife reading to me from a book about Florida. The book said you could describe Florida in one word.


Now I know snails are really terrestrial pulmonate gastropod molluscs, but anything that makes you want to squish it qualifies as a bug in my book.

These snails are particularly nasty. They are Giant African Land Snails and get as big as rats while eating their way through stucco and plaster.

I believe that instead of panicking, we should act.

First, chill four cases of chardonnay.

Mix 100 pounds of butter with a quart of minced garlic and the juice and zest of two dozen lemons. Fire up the big grill and invite your friends over for an all-you-can-eat escargot party.

Better chill more chardonnay and add a couple of cases of beer.



3 responses to “Danger! Doom! And Disaster!

  1. Hey Steve…If I volunteered to bring some great Mexican pastry, Flan, for dessert–would it be okay if I brought a few bottles of Don Julio, Te-Kill-ya? I can just imagine our barbeque now: Instead of a Fox hunt for the rich, we can have everyone round up snails and load a massive Pinata with them!

    • Tom mentioned that he was concerned about the snails carrying viruses or such. I think a dose of tequila to each snail before cookking would solve that!

  2. You forgot to mention that some of them carry a virus / disease . Florida says not to touch them but call animal control, they are that nasty. As for me I prefer Grilled Beef Steak.

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