In the late 1960’s, The Byrds told us;
“So you want to be a rock and roll star,
Then listen now to what I say.
Just get an electric guitar,
And take some time and learn how to play.”
Those were kinder, gentler times. If today you want to be a musical hit, you need a plan.
- Start doing commercials as a cute toddler
- Get hired for a cable television show aimed at tweens.
- Lip-synch vocals on the television show.
- Make an album. Don’t worry about talent – with autotune, overdub, and digital enhancement, talent is not required.
- Do some incredibly stupid things, preferably involving drugs and nudity (If you can do them on a “reality” show, even better.)
- Go into rehab
- Hit the talk show and fashion magazine circuit to apologize.
- Moan about how misunderstood you are.
- Repeat as necessary
Don’t be tacky and copy hackneyed old routines like owning a poodle, Chihuahua, or monkey. Same goes for wardrobe malfunctions or drinking your own bodily fluids.