From: MicroHard Executive Suite
To: Software Engineers, Designers and Other Assorted and Sundry Geeks
We keep hearing about features in our 8.x operating system that customers actually like. We cannot allow this to continue. Our Operating System 7 was far too popular with customers. Why in the world would people spend hundreds of dollars every other year for a new OS if they’re happy with what they’ve got? We’ve successfully discontinued support for our successful Expee system. Its successor “Scenic” was a phenomenal success in that every user couldn’t wait to replace it. However, Seven continues to haunt us with users who refuse to upgrade because they’re happy.
Our founder and guiding light, “Willie” would not approve. Just because he’s helping people in Africa doesn’t mean that we are to stop, shall we say, “having conjugal knowledge” of our customers.
Let me make this perfectly clear – if you don’t make it so that everyone (and I do mean EVERYONE) is happy to drop a couple of hundred bucks on our next operating system, the following steps will be taken IMMEDIATELY!
- All software employees will work from 8:00 AM until 5:00 PM with an hour for lunch. No eating at your desk, so you’ll have to leave the building and mingle with other people!
- There will be NO telecommuting, so kiss your bunny slippers goodbye.
- Daily baths/showers will be mandatory; the company nurse will conduct inspections as appropriate.
- A new dress code will be implemented requiring pressed and starched white shirts, dark dress trousers for males and dark skirts (1″ below the knee) for females with practical black leather POLISHED shoes.
In other words, make our customers seek happiness in our NEXT software release.