To quote Tom Lehrer, “Spring is here! Spring is here!”
(Those of you who are Lehrer or Dr. Demento fans know the rest of the song, but that’s not where I’m going….)
It seems like every day the weatherman on TV points out that “there’s a chance of thunderstorms….IF this cold front currently over Kyrgyzstan and IF this low pressure system in Chile coalesce with the effect of butterfly wing flapping in South Africa.”
So I debate. Should I spray weed killer on the eighteen foot dandelion in the front yard that keeps ringing the doorbell? If the rain comes, it will wash the weed killer away, but if I don’t spray, the weeds will take over.
I’ve always found that I do best if I sit back and think about a problem, so I went to the front porch and sat on one of the two white Cracker Barrel rocking chairs. I tried my best to think and logically assess the situation.
Then I saw it
A sporty BMW pulled up in front of the house. The driver looked around; when he didn’t see anyone watching, he jumped out and walked across my lawn without even turning the engine off The giant dandelion spoke first..
“Here’s what I promised you,” it said, handing the weatherman a roll of banknotes. “You were never here, and we never met.” The weatherman did a quick count and started to turn back to his car.
I pounced from my chair, weed killer in hand and began to spray the dandelion and watch it wilt. Surprisingly, just from the overspray, the weatherman began to wilt in exactly the same way, and soon both were merely smudges on the front lawn.
The weatherman was dead! What should I do?
I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket, dialed the police department, and calmly reported, “Hey, there’s a BMW running in front of my house with no one in it.”