School? Days

Here in beautiful Virginia, school is not allowed to start until after Labor Day. Why? Because Virginia is an attractive area to visit with our beaches, historic sites, and, of course, outlet malls. Keeping high school kids employed at their (minimum wage) jobs until the end of tourist season is important. Economically it’s kind of like slavery, only kinder and gentler.

Colleges on the other hand, are under no such restrictions, so tuition payments were due several weeks ago and fall semester starts next Monday. This means that moving day is this weekend. The outcome is that the tourists have almost three weeks during which they no longer have the “A” team (college kids) serving them, but have to settle for the “B” team (high school kids).

From a business standpoint, I see this as a great risk. What if the cotton candy or funnel cakes at the amusement parks do not meet the same fine standards? Will Virginia Beach’s salt-water taffy and candy shops be able to maintain their quality? What about the hermit crab, tacky tee-shirt, and cheap sunglass industry? Will it survive? All it takes is one bad experience and the tourists will all head to Nebraska to spend their vacation dollars.

I sense a plot. The Chinese are probably secretly dumping shiploads of sand on the outer banks with the intent to construct islands, claim them as Chinese territory, and build factories to produce cheap, genetically altered hermit crabs and tee shirts with misspellings like “SEKS.” They plan to introduce these products at lower prices to undercut the cheap Chinese products our Virginia vendors sell. This could lead to ruination.

However, I have hope! I also believe that this year’s election antics are a carefully scripted performance orchestrated by the CIA to dissuade the Chinese from coming anywhere near our shore.

It seems to have worked so far.

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