I don’t know what all the kerfuffle is about in Washington, DC. The Democratic candidate claims he won, while the Republican candidate claims he won. How silly. We all know that my good friend, Buford Thorndyke won by a landslide, even though all the votes had to be write-in.
President Select Thorndyke ran on a solid platform. The platform was 10 by 12 feet and constructed of state-of-the-art composite board, made from recycled milk bottles. With such a solid, attractive, and eco-friendly platform, the other candidates did not stand a chance.
Most importantly, Buford pledged to keep his campaign promises, which include:
- Golfing whenever possible, weather permitting.
- Visiting only friendly countries to shower them with gifts. This will encourage all the other countries to start being friendly with us, so they can get free goodies, too.
- Ensuring that every desk in Congress will be equipped with a poo-poo cushion, a joy buzzer, and a case of Silly String to keep Senators and Representatives too busy to pass silly laws.
- Appointing the most obnoxious politicians as ambassadors to faraway countries, then losing the paperwork so they can’t come back.
He made many more promises, of course. In any case, it’s no wonder that he won by a landslide. We will be in good hands.