Dear MSN, CNN, Fox, etc.:
I flipped through today’s headlines. Please be advised that I have absolutely no interest in the following stories:
- Khloe Kardashian Goes ‘90s Chic in Nothing but Ripped Jeans & High Heels
- Chris Harrison Shares Plans to Return to Bachelor after Controversy
- The Sussexes’ Friends Think the Palace’s Response to Bullying Claims Is “Retaliation” for Oprah Tell-All
- What Life Was Like in the Roaring Twenties
- William Shatner Fast Facts
- The Worst Angelina Jolie Movie of All Time, According to Critics
- Paul Bettany Didn’t Think ‘Kooky’ WandaVision Would Be a Hit: ‘It’s Been Really Extraordinary’
- Side Effects of Eating Too Many Potatoes
- Experts Share 11 Ways You Could Be Confusing Your Dog, and How to Stop
- Pregnant Ashley Tisdale Reunites with Hight School Musical Costar Vanessa Hudgens: “It’s Taken 9 Months.”
- Lamar on “KUWTK” Ending, Kimye Split Rumors
I realize much of the real news is depressing or frightening, but this human is totally not interested in these human interest stories.
Not that you really care. Thank you.