Heavenly Entertainment

"Musical Angels" Religious Stained Glass Window
“It’s a jazz riff in B, watch for the changes, and try to keep up.”

We all have strange beliefs. Mine is that my life is entertainment for the dead.

When people die and get to heaven, at first, it’s busy—music lessons and practice. Harps are probably the main ones that must be taught. Harps are complex; on earth they tend to go out of tune at the slightest breeze, which shouldn’t be a problem in heaven. Many other instruments, such as the tambourine or timbrel are percussion and almost intuitive. There are no accordions.

From what I can tell, the angels have the horn section covered.

In any case, before too long, heaven could get boring. God anticipated this, of course, so He arranged for alternative activities. One of which is that they treat my life like a situation comedy. They look forward to the next exciting episode, asking, “I wonder what humorous situation he’ll face this week?”

I must be doing okay, because so far I haven’t been canceled, at least to the best of my knowledge.

I figure the Steve Show must be the only true reality entertainment. It’s kind of like the old Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. You knew which guests were scheduled, but have an idea as to what will happen.

I thought, if that’s the case, would it be better if it were scripted?

The Steve Show

Characters: The cats, the dog, the parrot, the woman, and the man (Steve).

It’s dark—too dark to see anything. Things become slightly visible as though eyes are adjusting to the dark. There is a beeping sound that increases in volume. A slit widens, showing a digital clock. A hand fumbles, attempting to find the switch to turn off the alarm.

The man: (groaning) Ohhhh.

Man sits on edge of bed to the accompaniment of cracking sounds.

                The woman: (Has obviously already had at least one cup of coffee downstairs.) Are you up? Yes? Good. Love you babe.

                The man: (groaning) Ohhhh.

Man walks into bathroom and turns on the light, walks into the water closet room and closes door. Sound of toilet flushing as door reopens. Man looks into the mirror but isn’t quite able to focus on the reflection. Asks his reflection.

                The man: (groaning) What day is this?

Turns water on in shower, takes off clothes, tosses them toward the dirty clothes hamper, misses. Stares at clothes on the floor before picking them up and dropping them into the hamper. Steps into shower. Intermittent splashing sounds heard.

                The man: (groaning) Makes indeterminate guy sounds.

On the other hand, maybe unscripted spontaneity is better.

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