Ladies and Gentlemen! May I have your attention, please. Please look right here at the back of the Medicine Wagon. May I introduce myself? I am Professor Randall, and I am here to show you some remarkable potions and elixirs to solve whatever problems you are facing.
I know what some of you are thinking! You’re thinking that my products are just like the vaccines that the government wants to give you for free. No, sirree—why would any government give anything away for free? You know they’re up to something! Don’t be fooled!
Do their free vaccines work? Who knows! Most people who get the government vaccine don’t get COVID so there’s no way to tell.
On the other hand, my friends, when you find yourself gasping for breath, you’ll be able to see our miracle elixirs at work. Traditionally, we’ve always advertised “One for a man—two for a horse,” but with COVID, we recommend that men get treated every bit as well as horses.
And don’t forget the side benefits of our products. You drink a bottle to cure COVID and I guarantee that you will deworm yourself at the same time.
And since I like you, I’m going to sell these, today only, for half the regular price. Just line up over here and have your cash or credit card ready.