Stories Behind the Headlines

Ted Cruz Speaks Out Over Joe Biden’s Vacation During Winter Storm (CNN) – Apparently, Ted’s flight to Costa Rica got cancelled by Southwest Airlines this year, so he’s pissed. He doesn’t want to remain in Texas in case the electrical grid goes down again this year.

Football World Shocked By Cheez-It Bowl Announcement (MSN) – The representative told Carter Karels of the Tallahassee Democrat that there is no such thing as “Cheez-Its.” Apparently, one Cheez-It is a Cheez-It, and two or more of the Cheez-It are called “Cheez-It crackers.”

I’m certainly glad that we got that straightened out. Now, perhaps, the world can truly be a better place.

Russian troops fighting in Ukraine can freeze their sperm for free (CNN) – Given the winter weather in Ukraine, wouldn’t this just happen naturally to the underequipped Russian soldiers who lack proper cold-weather gear? On the other hand, if the Russian military is anything like the American military, I can just picture the sperm-ex:

Noncomm – “Alright men, line up. Svetlana and Tatiana, you ladies are excused, unless you want to assist or just watch.

“Each of you has been given a plastic vial. Make sure your name and service number are clearly written on the label. Right handers, hold the vial in your left hand. Left handers, hold it in your right hand. On my command, unzip your fly and begin. If you see a Ukrainian drone, take cover, but do not spill the vial.

“Begin! Think of Mother Russia and make her proud!

“When you finish, cap your vial and place it on this table. Medics will then treat you for frostbite and you are then to return to duty.”

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