Category Archives: Media

Unintended Consequence

I managed to hang onto most of my hair until relatively recently. I felt pretty good about that, especially since one of my sons is follicly challenged to the point where he shaves those lonely hairs on his head. Nevertheless, things are catching up with me now.

In the sixties and seventies (the 1960s and 1970s–not my 60s and 70s) long hair was in vogue. My hair was curly, so I never looked as cool as Sir Paul McCartney. In those days, unfortunately, Brian May (Queen’s outrageously talented lead guitarist) was recognized for his musical talent–not his hair–so straight hair was far more cool.

Due to work rules, I kept my hair short for year, but I promised myself that when I was no longer limited, I’d regrow my Van Dyke beard and add a ponytail to my hair.

Alas, it was not to be. The beard was a nonstarter. I let it grow for a week once when we were on vacation, but it was an ugly shade of grey that made me look at least 30 years older than I was. If you had put me and Obi Wan Kenobi together, he would have looked like an innocent youngster compared to me.

With COVID-19, I’ve been self-isolating for nearly two months. I still shave most days, but no haircuts. So how does this work out for my decades-long desire to look cool? Not very well

When I get up in the morning and look in the mirror, I must admit that I look quite a bit like a movie star celebrity.

Between the balding and the curly hair, I look like a chubby version of Larry from the Three Stooges.

 

Yes, But Is It Funny?

Humor is the ability to lead the reader or listener down one thought and suddenly surprise them with a hard left turn.

A priest, a Rabbi, and a Protestant minister walk into a bar.
“What is this,” the bartender asks, “some kind of a joke?”

Today, with everything going on in the world, it’s hard to think of anything funny to write about, especially if one tries to avoid rubbing salt into somebody’s emotional wounds.

I have desperately tried to find the humor in things, but lately have failed.

As soon as I think of something humorous, I’ll write about it.

Make Me Laugh

We’re all getting a bit squirrely being stuck at home–especially if you have kids–trying to telework, and being bombarded by  the continuing banter of the various experts predicting the future. It’s difficult to find humor in the situation, but I’ll try.

Maintaining social distance—-“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Turning to the groom, he continued, “You may now wave at your wife who is an appropriate six-feet away.”

If restaurants reopen, wait staff will have to wear masks and use disposable menus—–“Who was that masked waiter?”
“I don’t know, but he left this silver tip tray.”

A politician, an elected official, and a cable news personality walked into a bar. The bartender looked at them and asked, “Is this a joke?”
One of them replied, “Nope, just business as usual.”

 

The Blog Must Go On!

Here’s the deal. The storms that were supposed to be west of us didn’t follow the forecasters directions and went through here this morning. The winds were incredible. In my backyard, they snapped off the top 20 feet of a tree (including any branches with leaves) and dropped it on my fence. We can’t let the dog out because he has a habit of running and exploring until he gets in trouble, then he comes home.

Similar occurrences in other nearby neighborhoods managed to take out the electrical feeds. It’s 80 degrees outside with no air conditioning. I have a generator, which is powering the refrigerators, a light or two, some fans, but not much more.

I’m typing this on my laptop with a kerosene lamp to be able to see the keys–just like young Abe Lincoln did so many years ago. Nevertheless, as in show business, the blog must go on! Without further ado –today’s blog.

I know there are a lot of phony conspiracy theories floating around, but a few of them are almost true.

For example, it’s not 5G that causes coronavirus, it’s coronavirus that causes 5G. As people first became infected with COVID-19, suddenly strange cell telephone towers appeared mysteriously. AT&T called Verizon and asked if they were responsible. Verizon denied it and AT&T reiterated that the towers weren’t theirs.

Sprint called T-Mobile and accused them of erecting the towers. T-Mobile’s CEO was so irritated at being falsely accused that he immediately bought Sprint out of spite. (Spite is one of the many small islands of Langerhans.)

Nevertheless, as COVID-19 spread, the towers continued to mysteriously appear. No one knows where they come from.

Admit it! It’s a conspiracy! There are two choices, join in and have fun or deny. It’s up to you.

As for me, if the conspirators provide doughnuts in the morning and hors de oeuvres in the evening (and rumor says they do), I’m  in.

NOTE: ANY ERRORS ARE NOT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE AUTHOR BUT ARE DUE TO INSUFFICIENT ILLUMINATION FROM A KEROSENE LAMP.

Conspiracy!

Photo CNN

In England, vandals have set cellular towers on fire because they believe, thanks to internet, that the new 5G cellular system causes coronavirus. I can–but won’t–speculate on how they came up with this.

I suggest that everyone who has clicked on such links be banned from the internet and required to write a ten page essay, complete with footnotes and bibliography, proving the cause and effect relationship between 5G and coronavirus. Manifestos and anecdotes would not be allowed.

Alternately, each could be required to repeat sixth grade science class–in a real sixth grade class with genuine sixth-graders, complete with sixth-grade size desks.

I also suggest that internet sites that allow such blatantly false information to be posted would forfeit gross revenue for the length of time that the postings were hosted. The forfeited money could be used to improve public education.

Numeralocracy

The Target Breach, By the Numbers — Krebs on Security

There is somebody, somewhere–or more likely a whole group of somebodies–who define laws dealing with numbers. I’m not talking about the Pythagorean Theorem or natural logarithms. I’m talking about people who decide important numbers for the rest of us. These do not appear to be based on science, religion, or anything else–you know exactly what I mean.

An early American example is that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. We tend to blame that one on Ben Franklin, who also started the US Postal Service. Coincidence? I think not.

Who decided we need to drink 8 glasses of water a day?  If we’re talking about 12 ounce glasses, that’s a gallon and a half. Correct or not, where did the number come from.

A cup is 8 ounces, unless we’re talking about coffee makers, in which case a cup is 5 ounces.*

We’re told that dogs always turn around 3 times before lying down. My dog must be mathematically challenged, because–based on actual, real-life observations–the number of turns seems to depend on how tired or bored he is.

Then, of course, there’s the salacious seven-year itch. Is this a warning or an excuse for how people behave after 7 years of marriage?

Forget the New World Order, the Illuminati, the Knights Templar, the military-industrial complex, or even the Mafia. The real power is held by the people who control the numbers.

You have been warned!

 

* Imagine the riots and violence if everyone were limited to 5 ounces of coffee at a time.

Do Not Feed the Living Languages!

Language changes with the times. This is why the Romance languages, that is those that evolved from Rome’s Latin, eventually differentiated into French, Spanish, Italian, etc. In times such as ours, there are many changes due to advances in technology, or even threats like the novel corona virus.

When I was in school, we were taught that words were categorized by gender while people were described by sex. Sometime, oddly enough either during or shortly after the Sexual Revolution, someone decided that using the words people and sex together was unsightly, offensive, or something. People suddenly were categorized by gender, just like words.

By doing so, even your great-great-aunt Prudence wouldn’t be offended. Of course she grew up referring to people by sex and probably lived on a farm on which the animals repeatedly engaged in scandalous behavior.

In any case, we have it all modernized.

However, in other languages the gender and word thing didn’t go away. The Romance languages still assign a gender to nouns as do the German language. In German, a fork is feminine, a spoon masculine and a knife neutral.

We still have vestiges of the gender comment in modern English. A ship, for example, is referred to as she.

But what’s important is that we keep people and sex apart.*

 

I wonder if any guy has told his significant other, “Wow! You look really gendery tonight?”

 

HEADLINES!

The RMS Titanic and it's passengers | Just another ...

In newspapers, major event headlines were spread across the front page with large type. Day to day major-ish events had headlines in large–but not-so-large–type placed approximately mid-page to the right margin. Lesser events that either deserved front page coverage, or, on a slow news day were better than nothing, went to the left with (yawn) somewhat large type, but so what?

Notice the above. Major margin-to-margin headline, with sub-headlines for supporting stories below, on the right. The left? “Police Order Dorr’s Arrest.” I know the Titanic, but who the heck is Dorr? I Googled Dorr, but unless that Door was an attorney, I struck out.

So, to recap:
Across the Top=IMPORTANT.
Center to right side=Sort of, kind of important.
Left side=Not so much, but we want you to read it anyways.

However, now, in the marvelous 21st century, online news sites place their major stories on the left.

I guess we can claim that as progress.

Heroes

When I was growing up, there were heroes I looked up to.

  • Chuck Yeager–the first person to break the sound barrier in level flight.
  • John Glenn–the first American to orbit the earth and later US Senator
  • Neil Armstrong–The first man on the moon
  • Gene Kranz–NASA Flight Director for Gemini and Apollo

Each of these people did something noteworthy–PLUS three of the four are from my home state of Ohio. Gene Kranz graduated from the same high school I did.

Women who did great things in the 1960s didn’t get the spotlight, or even worse, the credit went to a male instead of the female who actually did the work. VADM Grace Hopper, NASA’s Mary Jackson, Katherine Johnson, and their colleagues would not be publicly acknowledged until decades after they had achieved great things..

The closest I came to considering a celebrity as a hero was Jimmy Stewart. I liked his laid back style, but I admired the fact that he enlisted in the Army as a private as soon as he could, became a pilot, and volunteered to fly B-24s over Europe. After the war, he remained in the Air Force Reserve, attaining the rank of brigadier general.

Who are today’s heroes? Who do our children and grandchildren look up to? Who inspires them?

Rules of Acquisition

The Ferengi appeared as aliens in several Star Trek iterations. They were the ultimate business people who frequently quoted from their 286 rules of acquisition. I’ve heard they were originally planned as the villains for Star Trek: The Next Generation, but came across as more silly than intimidating.

In my favorite interaction, one Frengi asks, “What if this becomes a war?” The other replies, “Rule 34.”

The first responds “Ahhh, war is good for business. But, but, what if it doesn’t lead to war?” The response is “Rule 35.”

“Ahhh, peace is good for business.”

Today there are real Ferengi; not as exotic looking, but every bit as greedy:

  • People pretending to be employees with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are knocking on doors, wearing white lab coats, telling residents that they’re testing for COVID-19. Then they rob them.
  • A former White House advisor asked if people staying home to avoid the virus is worth the economic consequences.
  • Senators dumped stocks after being briefed on the coronavirus, but before that information was released to the general population.
  • All kinds of scammers are selling phony medications or religious talismans.

Oh, wait. Rule 14.  “Anything stolen is pure profit.”

Premeditated Twinkie Offenses

I have no inherent dislike or paranoia about guns. I served in a war zone and carried a weapon. I like to go to a range and plunk at targets.

However, there are those today who are purchasing guns to protect their “stuff” in the event of shortages. It’s disturbing to think that anyone would kill another person over a loaf of bread, a side of beef, or a twinkie.* Talk about premeditated murder.

Somewhere around 250-280 AD, there was a pandemic–probably smallpox. The Roman death rate was around 30 percent, but in areas with a Christian presence it dropped to 10 percent. Why? The Romans deserted their sick friends and relatives to avoid catching the disease. Christians, even knowing that they might catch the disease, cared for one another.

 

* These are probably the same people who physically fought their way through the crowd to grab 18 cases of toilet paper.

Medical Mayhem

One of the problems with medical issues is that scientists’ and physicians’ assessments must constantly be revised. As additional facts are uncovered, logical conclusions are changed. That is difficult for some people to accept.

For example, 1.2 + 1.2 when rounded is two. However, if additional research adds a mere .1 to the equation, the answer would be rounded up to three. This is how science works.

This is how reality works. This is how life works.

The view of the effects of coronavirus is changing as more data are available.  This is good. This is how the intellectual process works. This is a time for thought, not emotion.

Viruses are unaffected by opinions, polls, or politics. So too are suffering and death. It is by keeping an open mind, examining the facts, re-examining the facts, and focusing on facts that we can progress.

Numbers Never Lie?

Innumeracy (book) - Wikipedia

 

Innumeracy is like illiteracy, only with numbers. There’s a lot of it going around–hopefully it won’t reach pandemic proportions.

I’m not talking calculus, trigonometry, or even  quadratic equations. I’m talking simple, easy, yet important math concepts.

Let’s use round numbers and examine the stock market’s recent actions. Before the coronavirus spooked the market, the Dow Jones Industrial Average was at 29,000 points (rounded). After the virus scare, it dropped to about 25,000 points (also rounded), a loss of 4,000 points.* The loss of 4,000 points in this case is about 14 percent (1- [25000/29000]).

If the market, while at its low point, gains 14 percent  it seem like the market has recovered all its losses. Down 14 percent. Up 14 percent. (14-14=0)

However,  (25000*1.14) = 28,500, not 29,000. It’s still 500 points below its high mark, which is still a loss of 2 percent. It would take an increase of 16 percent to recover all its value.

Well, I found it interesting.

 

*Did you ever try to spend a point? Don’t!

 

The More Things Change, the More They Remain the Same

Jim Bakker is in the news; we’d say again, but he might say finally. Apparently he’s been promoting a coronavirus miracle cure (emphasis on miraculous).

Don’t know who Jim Bakker is? Maybe this will jog your memory.

New York Attorney General Letitia James sent a cease-and-desist order to Jim Bakker Tuesday ordering him to stop promoting “Silver Solution” as a remedy for the coronavirus.

My faith teaches that Jesus will come again, not PT Barnum.

Bring on the NANOBOTS!

See the source image

I love nanobots.

Nanobots are microscopic robots that can do anything from curing disease to treating injuries or providing energy to weapons. There’s just one minor problem with nanobots . . . .

They don’t exist in the real world.

But they are a staple in science fiction. Have an insurmountable problem? Write how nanaobots resolved it—it’s the best Deus ex machina* tool ever. For example:

Powerful, evil dudes attack good people, who are powerless to resist.
Nanobots are released that change the mental and emotional state of the bad guys. Soon, everybody sings Kumbaya.

However, there may be technology on the horizon that provides the benefits of nanobots using existing materials. The first, albeit tiny, steps are being taken in utilizing a virus to edit genes in a patient by using the CRISPR technique. It’s not as sexy as the nanobots in a John Scalzi novel, but this is real world technology, which is rarely sexy.

Will it work, or like so many other ideas, fail to execute as imagined.

Stay tuned!

 

 

* Deus ex machina (/ˌdeɪəs ɛks ˈmækɪnə, – ˈmɑːk-/ DAY-əs ex-MA(H)K-in-ə,[1] Latin[ˈdɛ.ʊs ɛks ˈmaːkʰɪnaː]; plural: dei ex machina; English ‘god from the machine’) is a plot device whereby a seemingly unsolvable problem in a story is suddenly and abruptly resolved by an unexpected and unlikely occurrence.[2][3] Its function can be to resolve an otherwise irresolvable plot situation, to surprise the audience, to bring the tale to a happy ending, or act as a comedic device.

Corona Virus Side Effects

There is a lot of angst regarding the corona virus (COVID-19). Oddly, most news coverage focuses on its impact on the stock market.

The news media, critically important for a democratic society, focuses on stories that sell newspapers, encourage internet clicks, or result in more pharmaceutical advertising during the evening news.

However, it’s best to put things in perspective.

According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) there are now 459 COVID-19 [link] cases in the United States. There was a death  today, which although is regrettable, makes a total of one.

On the other hand, influenza (the flu) has sickened at least 19 million across the U.S. and led to 10,000 deaths and 180,000 hospitalizations. This does not seem as significant because we encounter influenza every year. The Spanish flu in 1918 killed between 50 and 100 million people around the world.

The disease that infects millions and kills thousands is no big deal because we see it every year. A new disease, because it is novel, scares us to (near) death.

I’m not minimizing the potential of the virus. However, COVID-19 has been sensationalized, so the threat and probability of encountering it are more prominent in our mind, regardless of likelihood. Each of is, at least at this point, far more likely to be seriously affected by or to die from influenza, yet we focus on COVID-19.

I wish each of you good health–and a speedy recovery for your equity holdings.

 

Newspapers

I am one of those Luddites who still enjoys reading via pigment on cellulose (i.e., ink and paper). Several times in the past, I subscribed to more than one newspaper–usually a local paper, then another from the main city of the metropolitan area. I wanted the local news, but also the regional news.

How did I choose the newspaper? The local paper was geographic while the metropolitan newspaper was based on the funnies.

van halen

Why? Because if a newspaper treats the funnies as important, they will treat everything else they print as important. It’s kind of like Van Halen (and I RARELY get to compare myself to Van Halen in any way, shape or form). Van Halen specified in their contracts with their performance venues that there would be M&Ms in the dressing room, but all the brown M&Ms would be removed.

While it initially sounds like a 20th century ridiculous prima donna demand, there was a method to their madness. If, when they got to the site, the M&M requirement was met, they felt that they could safely assume that the other requirements were met. If there were brown M&Ms, they knew that there was sloppiness on other issues, like how safe and sturdy the stage was, security, and other real world issues. The M&Ms were like the canary in the mine shaft–an early warning system.

But I digress.

My local paper, The Virginian-Pilot (now owned by Tribune Publishing*) has continued to shrink over the past few years. The newspaper has gotten thinner, the lower quality newsprint pis allowed more space today than a year ago? The obituaries. You’d think that they would not want to feature how their readers are dying off, but since they’re all paid obituaries . . . .

Why do I like real newspapers? First, I’ll take a newspaper into situations such as rain, a bath tub, etc. where I would never take my computer or tablet. Second, it just feels more reliable. How many times, when reading online, do you see updates every few minutes. They don’t have to be accurate because they can always correct errers errors. Newspapers should (and I hope–I HOPE) do more fact checking before they publish because they can’t do updates.

I’ll have more to say, the next time I can sit down and write this blog.

 

 

 

*Tribune Publishing Company (formerly Tronc, Inc.) is an American newspaper print and online media publishing company based in Chicago, Illinois. The company’s portfolio includes the Chicago Tribune, the New York Daily News, The Baltimore Sun, the Orlando Sentinel, South Florida’s Sun-Sentinel, the Hartford Courant, additional titles in Pennsylvania and Virginia, syndication operations, and websites.

 

Win a House!

St. Jude’s Research Hospital for Children has a very clever method for raising money. Why? Because they do not charge patients for services.

Danny Thomas, the 1950’s television star, was born Amos Jacobs back in Toledo, Ohio (my hometown). He prayed that God would point him to the career God intended. He promised to build a hospital if God answered. God answered. The hospital is St. Jude’s.

Please note that Danny Thomas did not ask for success, only to be pointed in the right direction.

St. Jude’s prime fundraiser, at least around here, is to raffle off a house at $100 per ticket. Apparently, the house is constructed with each trade or contractor contributing their time, effort, and materials. The winner  gets a house and the money goes to the hospital to help the kids.

However, as nice as the house is, St. Jude could possibly double their money if they wanted to. The current house being built here has four bedrooms and three bathrooms–perfect for a young family. However, for this year we did not buy a ticket because we’re trying to downsize.

As we many,, many, many Baby Boomers age, maybe a second house raffle for a single floor ranch would be attractive. I know I’d buy a ticket (or two or three).

Oh, and build it somewhere without covenants, conditions, and restrictions. I don’t want Gladys Kravits isn’t a neighbor. (If you don’t get the reference, you wouldn’t be interested in a single floor ranch.)

Facebook–Say What?

Among many others

Moderators for YouTube must now sign a document acknowledging that they might suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder by reviewing YouTube posts.

Excuse me?

When a website creates stress similar to a combat experience, it’s time to just stop and ask ourselves what the hell we’re doing. We expected Facebook, YouTube, and other social media sites to be an opportunity to share ideas. Now, at best, they share thousands of pictures people take of themselves or pictures of their latest meal. At worst–they post images so disturbing that they can cause PTSD. Something is wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.

I have a better idea. Make it a policy that postings are hateful, disgusting, or otherwise inappropriate for polite society, the social media site will respect their First Amendment rights, so long as they include their (verified) name, address,cell phone number, photo, and e-mail.

Decent people have no use for a coward.

Christmas Thoughts

This blog is written from the perspective of a Christian, with no intended slight to my friends and readers of other faiths.

It’s highly likely that Jesus was not born on December 25th. In fact, we have no evidence as to what His birthday might be. Early Christians were not historians and shared their thoughts to convey the theological message rather than to chronicle events as journalists. Many, if not most, early Christians expected Jesus to return during their lifetime, so they saw little reason to record an accurate history.

It’s only fair that we don’t know Jesus exact birthday. Those who came before His birth didn’t know when He would come, so it puts all of us in the same boat.

Did Christians co-opt a midwinter pagan festival? Probably. I think it was an early form of ecumenism. The word gospel means “Good News,” and shutting down peoples’ holidays would not be perceived as good news. Instead, additional content was added to the existing event.

So in that same spirit, enjoy a wonderful Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, or any other holiday you can find between now and New Years.

Oh, and here’s another interesting fact about Christmas. Many people take offense at it being referred to as Xmas and see it as removing Christ from Christmas. Actually the X is not an X. It is the Greek letter chi, the first letter of the Greek word Christos–Christ.

Christos

Christos