Always Use a pencil!
Hi, I’m Steve and I’m temporally challenged.
There, I admitted it. I can’t keep time straight.
If an event, appointment, or whatever is not written down in my Day-Timer, I’m not responsible. I know the rest of the civilized world uses their smartphones, but where I work, electronic devices are not permitted (Don’t ask–it will only make your head hurt), so I rely on paper and pencil.
Unfortunately, however, my analog calendar is defective. I’ve replaced it many times, but it doesn’t help. My calendar says that the first day of summer is June 21st. However, everyone says that summer starts on Memorial Day.
When it’s 90 degrees Fahrenheit outside, I think it’s summer and look for shorts, the stores feature back to school items.
The day after Halloween, everybody is promoting Christmas.
When I need a coat or winter gloves the stores are displaying swimwear.
It’s obvious that my calendar is defective. Unfortunately, there’s no software patch for an analog, cellulose based, paper calendar.
Of course, it would be kind of difficult to have a headline telling everyone, “The World Ended!” I can see the story, “Just as predicted by the ancient Mayans, the world ended on December 21st, right on schedule. Efforts to interview Mayans were unsuccessful due to the fact that pureblooded Mayans have either died out or intermarried with people of other tribal or national groups. Several individuals claiming to be descended from the ancient Mayans expressed a common theme, translated more or less into, “We told you so!”
But since it DIDN’T end, what are the real implications?
- The news media’s relevance continues to decline for reporting one more inconsequential and irrelevant story.
- The malls and shopping centers are crammed with people who expected the world to end, but now have to get the Christmas shopping done in a hurry. (If you get a strange gift from Aunt Bertha, it’s probably because she was expecting the world to end. When she got to the mall, the choices for gifts were pretty small, so just be glad she remembered you at all.)
- Sales of Mayan calendars have plummeted. It doesn’t matter anyways – it’s now as useful as a paper calendar from 2005.
- People are scouring the Internet to find something else to worry about.
- I am pleased to report that our two cats were totally untroubled by the situation, and have maintained their daily quota of naps.
So the world continues on.
I’d write more, but the kids just came down and told me they’re out of clean clothes. It seems that “just in case” they didn’t see the need to take their dirty clothes to the laundry room.
Posted in Communications, History, Holidays, Humor, Media, People, Philosophy, Religion, Science
Tagged +, Calendar, Christmas, Christmas and holiday season, holidays, Maya calendar, Maya civilization, new age, Opinion, Shopping, superstition