Reporters seen here sniffing around the chimney of the Sistine Chapel, anxiously awaiting the first sign of smoke.
This just in. Cable News Headlines has just been informed that the Catholic Church still has no Pope! Reliable sources who spoke on the condition of anonymity have reported that the College of Cardinals has not even voted once!
Our reporter, Felix Paparazzi is live at the Vatican.
Felix: “It’s looking pretty grim here as the Catholic Church wanders aimlessly, leaderless, without direction. Catholics around the globe are distressed and in despair with the Church’s hierarchy refusing to act. It’s rumored that the cardinals’ paralysis is a direct result of global warming!
Earlier today I was able to interview Monsignor Nino Fabreze and here’s what he had to say.”
[Pre-recorded video]
Felix: “Why do the cardinals refuse to act? What are they waiting for?”
Monsignor Fabreze: “Well, this is a process steeped in hundreds of years of tradition. The first thing they are waiting for is for all of the cardinals to arrive here in Rome. Once everybody is here, then they can start the process.”
Felix: “Well, there you have it, the Catholic Church in crisis! Back to you in the studio.”
[Cut to commercial]
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