Tag Archives: Emergency Department

Quickstart Guide for New Parents


Congratulations on starting your family. As a new parent you may be concerned about properly raising your child. There’s no need to worry, all of the documentation required is included with your new baby.

This Quickstart Guide will give you key information on raising your family until you have time to read the entire manual.

Your oldest child will act as a practice model. It is expected that you will be more attentive, more restrictive and generally more paranoid about this child. It is normal to check on a first baby every few minutes when sleeping to make sure he/she’s breathing. You can expect to favor healthy, possibly organic-locally grown and home pureed foods. You may decide to restrict television to educational channels or prohibit it entirely. Every bump and minor bruise will cause you to rush to the emergency room.

However, subsequent children will require less attention. For your second or later child you will permit them to eat whatever they want, watch television 23 hours a day, and only missing limbs or arterial blood spurts will capture your attention. In addition, these younger children come equipped with the highly developed ability to irritate your oldest child and cause him/her to misbehave badly. This sibling interaction will keep the entire family involved for hours.

It’s normal that you and your spouse will each have very specific ideas as to how the child should be raised. Each of you will expect the other to adapt on issues from cultural mores, manners, education, and hobbies right down to details, such as the correct way to fold clothes. Don’t worry, because you’re both wrong.

You may have received the optional “advice” feature for your child. Ideally this is provided through a maiden aunt who will be happy to provide unsolicited advice on how children should be raised and direction on all manner of parenting issues.

Again, this is only a Quickstart Guide. Remember to read the entire Child Rearing Handbook, which will save you much time and anguish. The Child Rearing Handbook is contained in the same envelope as your child’s warranty card, and receipt in case you decide to return or exchange the child. These items can be found conveniently located fg hu6th heiemn ded.

If you have any questions or problems, please contact us 1-8hg-stf-xd#@ or at http://www.&^hsg463nbgm.com/hasythr

Once again, congratulations on starting your family.

My Turn to Fume

I try to be positive and upbeat, but every once in a while I just have to engage in a temper tantrum because things just don’t make sense.

Right now there’s a lot of discussion about “Obamacare” or whatever you want to call it. First, let me say that after 30 years in healthcare, I have huge problems with the current medical industry business model. No one can tell you the price of anything in advance. Prices are set exorbitantly high so that insurance companies can get huge discounts. There is a disconnect among who decides what services will be used, who is the “customer” for those services and the third party that pays. Many can’t get primary care and basic prescriptions so their only option is to wait until things go from bad to worse and show up at the Emergency Department, after which there is no follow up.

Etc., etc., etc.

However, I also have concerns about the government running these programs.

(Before I continue, let me say to the business community – you blew it by putting your own short term profit interests ahead of the big picture. You could have proven yourself a better choice but you elected not to. If you had come up with something better, that’s what we’d be using. Know what value added is? Didn’t think so.)

The government has been involved with various service industries either directly or through quasi-corporations in the past. Let’s review a few of them.

There’s the United States Postal Service, whose primary customer is junk mail producers.

There’s Fannie-Mae and Freddie Mac who helped usher in the housing crisis.

There are the student loan programs that are making for-profit college owners rich while not actually leading to people (especially service members and veterans) getting degrees that will help them earn a living.

There’s AMTRAK which sells hamburgers for $9.50 (!) even though it costs AMTRAK $16.00 (!!!) to make each one.

I use the official prescription plan for military retirees. They don’t send me the prescriptions that my doctor has ordered but they do send me the ones that he has discontinued, even when I specifically request them not to.

Frustrated, I sent a note to the mail-order pharmacy through my user ID and password protected access to their site and they send me a response that required me to set up another separate user ID and password (yes, separate from the one I have) just to read their reply.

What ultra-secret words of wisdom did they have to share with me?

"Dear Mr. Nowak, 

Thank you for using XXXXXXX Pharmacy Program. We appreciate the opportunity to serve you.

Thank you for your feedback. XXXXXXX Scripts appreciates suggestions made by XXXXXXX beneficiaries as it allows us to improve our processes. Your feedback has been forwarded to the appropriate department for review.

If you have any further questions please email or contact us at 1-877-XXX-XXXX.

We apologize for any inconvenience you have experienced. Thank you for continuing to use XXXXXXX Pharmacy Program.


Shawn G.

I’m not sure how you read this, but to me it says, “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go away!”

Now I’ll bet you’re all excited about how the new healthcare system is going to make your life better, too.