Tag Archives: Health


There are a couple of things that are particularly difficult about aging. The first is when your body begins to betray you. It starts with the pulled muscle that used to heal in a couple of days, but now is not quite right after a couple of months.

Eventually various parts stop working properly, and you amass quite a collection of pills and potions around the bathroom sink. Your heart isn’t doing this right. Your kidneys don’t do that right; and your brain? Something about the brain – I forget.

The second is that there are things that you either can’t or shouldn’t do. Can’t as in you can’t just pick up that hundred pounds and put it up on a shelf. Shouldn’t as in anything involving an extension ladder. I don’t mind hiring out some of the repairs I used to be able to do myself; I do mind the fact that when I assign something to the kids and they don’t follow through, I can’t just do it myself.

It seems like only yesterday I was the nerdy high school kid worrying about bell bottoms. Back then when I thought of getting older I mainly worried about balding and wrinkles.

The Government is Shutting Down!

You’ve reached the United States Government. We’re closed right now.  If you receive this message during regular working hours, it means that we were not funded. Please try your call later. Thank you.

It’s the lead story on the news, it’s the end of life as we know it! (Details at eleven) And, of course, it’s someone else’s fault.

What will we do? What will we do?

Unless God wills otherwise, tomorrow, the sun will come up.

Most of those with a job will go to work. Children will go to school.

People will eat and sleep. Children will play at recess. Babies will be born. And yes, someone’s grandpa may die.

So what will be different?

If you were planning a luxurious trip to some exotic island, your passport may be delayed.

Your government grant for studying the nocturnal feeding habits of black footed ferrets in the high plains won’t be funded just yet.

Our lives will go on.

And maybe some people will realize that the politicians are neither as important nor as powerful as they’d have us believe.

On the other hand, God is.


Guess What You Can Buy on Craigslist?


Women selling positive pregnancy tests on Craigslist Posted on: 9:24 am, September 4, 2013, by Matt Knight CLICK TO LINK


Just when I think I’ve heard it all, someone, somewhere, somehow manages to shock the hell out of me. Apparently, you can now buy positive pregnancy tests on Craigslist.

But don’t worry – many of the sellers promise not to pass judgment on what you do with it.

At least that’s reassuring. But what WOULD someone use it for?

1. Getting him to finally pop the question? (Suggestion – when you pick up the wedding license, grab a set of the paperwork for the divorce – it’ll save time in the not-too-distant future.)

2. Causing your parents to experience myocardial infarctions and or a cerebral vascular accident? (It’s like the ultimate joy buzzer and whoopee cushion all rolled into one!)

3. Showing your 96 year old husband that at 88 you’ve still got it? (See #2, above.)

Of course, you have to wonder even more about the sellers of these, uh, slightly used products. After all, pregnancy tests show a positive result when they detect the presence of human chorionic gonadotropin in a pregnant woman’s urine.

When a customer wants to buy a positive pregnancy test, does the seller deliver? Do they meet their customers in a public location, like in front of the Maternity Shoppe at the local mall?

Do they send it by mail? I hope they at least use an envelope that doesn’t require licking the flap.

Or maybe it doesn’t matter to them.


Quickstart Guide for New Parents


Congratulations on starting your family. As a new parent you may be concerned about properly raising your child. There’s no need to worry, all of the documentation required is included with your new baby.

This Quickstart Guide will give you key information on raising your family until you have time to read the entire manual.

Your oldest child will act as a practice model. It is expected that you will be more attentive, more restrictive and generally more paranoid about this child. It is normal to check on a first baby every few minutes when sleeping to make sure he/she’s breathing. You can expect to favor healthy, possibly organic-locally grown and home pureed foods. You may decide to restrict television to educational channels or prohibit it entirely. Every bump and minor bruise will cause you to rush to the emergency room.

However, subsequent children will require less attention. For your second or later child you will permit them to eat whatever they want, watch television 23 hours a day, and only missing limbs or arterial blood spurts will capture your attention. In addition, these younger children come equipped with the highly developed ability to irritate your oldest child and cause him/her to misbehave badly. This sibling interaction will keep the entire family involved for hours.

It’s normal that you and your spouse will each have very specific ideas as to how the child should be raised. Each of you will expect the other to adapt on issues from cultural mores, manners, education, and hobbies right down to details, such as the correct way to fold clothes. Don’t worry, because you’re both wrong.

You may have received the optional “advice” feature for your child. Ideally this is provided through a maiden aunt who will be happy to provide unsolicited advice on how children should be raised and direction on all manner of parenting issues.

Again, this is only a Quickstart Guide. Remember to read the entire Child Rearing Handbook, which will save you much time and anguish. The Child Rearing Handbook is contained in the same envelope as your child’s warranty card, and receipt in case you decide to return or exchange the child. These items can be found conveniently located fg hu6th heiemn ded.

If you have any questions or problems, please contact us 1-8hg-stf-xd#@ or at http://www.&^hsg463nbgm.com/hasythr

Once again, congratulations on starting your family.

It’s Not Safe!


Sorry to have to tell you this, but it’s not safe.

Crossing the street.


Cooking with an open flame.

Going outside.

Staying inside.

Sorry – they all could lead to death, destruction, cancer, loss of self-esteem, or even a warped sense of humor.

However, look at how much we miss when we’re over-concerned with safety.

Beautiful sunrises and sunsets.


Great food.

The chance to make a friend.

The chance to fall in love.

The ability to have a relationship with God.



Federal Furlough Friday

Federal Furlough Friday

I get a three day weekend every week for the next eleven weeks, HOWEVER, the extra day will be without pay.

In the meantime, here are a few HOWEVERs I learned from the mainstream media.

Justin Bieber, was videoed urinating in a mop bucket, HOWEVER, he did call Bill Clinton to apologize.

Fish oil is going to kill me through prostate cancer, HOWEVER, having cancer may save me from Alzheimers.

My cats are going to kill me through microbes in their litter box, HOWEVER, they make great companion animals for people who are dying.

Americans, are exercising more, HOWEVER, they’re still getting more obese.

To lose weight many people drink diet soda, HOWEVER, it may actually make you crave more calories.

I could write more, HOWEVER, I’m out of ideas.

A Healthcare Mystery



W-a-a-a-y back in November 2010 I wrote one of my early blogs about the healthcare business model [link]. Recently there have been numerous discussions as to how hospitals operate like Fortune 500 companies. Executive compensation in the 7 figures are not unheard of. Malpractice suits are met by countersuits by hospitals to tie everything up in court or win by attrition. Pittsburgh is even challenging one hospital chain’s “not for profit” status.

The discussion is probably overdue.

Which leads me to today’s question…

“Why is it that if you call a hospital and ask how much a particular procedure will cost, they can’t tell you. However, when you go to that same hospital for the procedure, they know to the penny what your co-pay will be and expect to be paid before they begin the procedure.”

Curious, ain’t it?

A Sunnier Outlook

December 21st, the Winter Solstice is behind us, that means that every day we have a little more daylight.

NASA Photo

NASA Photo

As we head toward the cold, wintry months of January, February and early March, it’s reassuring that every day is just a little brighter. It makes the cold easier to tolerate.

Life is kind of like that. When we face the coldest times, there’s always something to remind us that it is getting better.

Nowhere Man (Part 2)

Artist ​Daniel Arsham  sculptures -compressed, shattered glass.

Artist – ​Daniel Arsham

So I was nowhere. I thought back to college and my philosophy class. Boy would the professor have had a ball with this. The metaphysical implications were enough to not only keep the discussions in his class going for years, but they’d also be interesting. The discussions would last even longer if they started conducting philosophy classes at pubs. Pubs, mind you, not bars – there’s a difference.

My mind flashed on all those signs you see on maps at malls, parks and other public places that detail the surrounding area with the red “X” explaining, “You are here.”

Of course, “Here” defines where I am wherever I am. I’m here, you’re there – it’s as simple as that. I had the red “X” but lacked the rest of the map.

I decided that for the time being, I’d consider myself to be here rather than nowhere. It seemed like a good place to start.

Okay, now that I’ve got that settled, what was next? Usually when I find myself some place I try to find out who else is there. Of course I was at a disadvantage since none of my five senses seemed to be working. Okay, now let’s think this through.

There was nothing to see, hear, feel, smell or taste. That would fit with “here” being nowhere. It seemed unlikely that all five senses would fail completely all at once. That left two possibilities; either my brain was not receiving information or else the connection between my nerves and my brain was not functioning. Kind of like when the cable is cut and the television stops working.

I seemed to recall that when people die the last sense to fail is their hearing, so I started straining to see if I could hear anything. Nothing. This was not the path to success, so I tried to think of another approach.

I felt whole, which made no sense, but still felt right. Instead of inventorying my senses I decided that since I felt whole I needed to think in terms of my body being where it was supposed to be. I concentrated on my right hand, imagining I could see it. I clenched and unclenched what I thought would be my hand. I opened my eyes and looked where my hand should be and saw a pale, translucent hand moving at my command.

It hadn’t yet hit me that I had eyes. It seemed natural to be able to see. I didn’t think of my eyes because I was now too busy trying to imagine my left hand, then my arms. Little by little I could see a body forming. I considered it as my own, but it was vague enough that it could have belonged to anyone. The best I can do to describe it is to call it vague. Vague, but nevertheless perceptible.

By the time I could see both hands and arms, I was exhausted. I closed my eyes and slept.

(To be continued)