Tag Archives: North Korea

I’m Not Paranoid, But…

I thought it was bad enough that governmental agencies were spying on us. I mean, the Chinese, Russians and North Koreans were no surprise, but when you have to worry about Luxemburg and Monaco, it’s a different story.

In any case, I read the other day that a software guru checked his LG television and found it was tracking his viewing habits and sending the information back to the company.

I can’t say I’m surprised.

I’ve been suspicious of my coffee pot for some time.

I know it’s watching me.

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Governments Around the World

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All of us studied civics in school during which we learned about the three branches of the United States government, the difference between a republic and a democracy, and why we have the Electoral College. Other countries have different systems, of course, so it might be useful to understand how some of their systems work.

North Korea: The guy with the goofiest haircut gets to be in charge.

Italy: The male who throws the outrageous parties wins.

France: The man with the prettiest mistress, but of course.

Somalia: Actually, Somalia has no national government but it is doing far better than when It had one.

Ancient Israel: Whoever the high priest anointed with oil was in charge.

Modern Afghanistan: Whoever the CIA anoints with money is in charge.

Venezuela: The president of the Che Guevera fan club is also in the country’s president.

Russia: If you’re Vladimir Putin, you get to be in charge – regardless of what title you or anyone else are currently using.

Wednesday Night Prime Time TV

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6:00 NETWORK NEWS: The world on the brink of war! Threats from North Korea! Trouble in Syria! Palestine and Israel! Special report on how this affects Lindsay Lohan.

7:00 TRAILER TRASH: Cute little “Doggie Doo Doo” wants to go to school, but Big Fat Mama says, “No! You need to stay stupid, so we can keep having our own TV show!”

8:00 REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MOSCOW: Olga suspects husband Ivan of pursuing widow next door when she finds pictures of neighbor’s tractor in Ivan’s workshop. Meanwhile Alyona’s new job at the museum goes awry when she accidentally locks Lenin’s body in a closet and must convince Alexei to impersonate the dead Russian leader until the locksmith arrives.

9:00 SO YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT TALENT: Special Edition! A hilarious lineup of tone deaf musicians, uncoordinated dancers and a juggler with limited mobility due to an unfortunate accident with a chainsaw during his audition. Celebrity judges Nancy Grace, Lady GaGa, Paris Hilton and Kanye West all in particularly nasty moods.

10:00 SURVIVOR – HOLLYWOOD: NEW! Having eliminated the cost of writers, Survivor takes the next logical step and films on the streets of Hollywood. Contestants must face a series of challenges armed only with a Gucci bag and a Green American Express Card.

11:00 LOCAL NEWS: Someone went into a neighborhood bar but came out feet first. We’ll tell you who.