Tag Archives: scam

My New Friend

 

scam

As I got older, my eyes began playing tricks on me. I believe I mentioned a long time ago that I looked at a sign in front of a motel and read, “Congratulations to our ghost of the week.” It actually said “guest,” of course. My eyes’ version is definitely funnier.

Like everyone else, I get an inordinate number of robocalls, and on my cell phone the screen displays, “Scam Likely.” I decided to blame my eyes and tell whoever it interrupted that the call is from my new friend “Stan Liekly.”

The scam-likely warning is better than nothing, but you would think that a nation in which every person under the age of thirty had a cellphone before they were potty trained could figure out how to stop these callers. Unfortunately, not.

I admit, knowing how many billions of dollars these con artists make, I’ve tried to figure out how I’d milk this cash cow. I could robocall millions of people and tell them that I’m an IRS agent holding a Nigerian Prince, and his bag full of money, hostage. Then I’d demand $10,000 in bit coin or I’ll force the Nigerian Prince to infect their computer and erase all their files.

On the other hand, it’s easier and more profitable just to work a legitimate job.

Less Spam

In an effort to save time for all concerned, the Associated Spammers’ Society (ASS) has combined several items into a single message. I was able to obtain a sample.

Greetings:

I am an Ethiopian prince who has a very successful business that sells Viagra from Canada. I have a very large amount of paid orders, but I do not have a bank account in North America. I will share half my current and future profits and assign you the rights as my exclusive franchise licensing agent in the United States. All I ask is that you take out an additional mortgage (I’ve arrange for an amazingly low interest rate) and send the money to cover tax, title and dealer preparation charges. To show my sincerity, I will also send you your credit score and help you lose wait while building muscle for free.

So I may begin preparation of the paperwork, at your earliest opportunity, please send me your full name, social security number and your mother’s maiden name (for verification purposes.)

I know you’re a careful person, so I’ve included a full financial analysis. Merely open the attached file “trashdrivetrojan.exe” to read these documents.

I know today is a day you’ll never forget.

 

“How about spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans and spam?”