Tag Archives: United States

The Candidates (Revised)

After being politically correct for the past few weeks (some by omission), here we go.

The Clintons at the Trumps’ 2005 Wedding

 

Now that the presumptive candidates (and, they’re both quite presumptuous, thank you [rim shot—bada-bing]) are in place, the world is beginning to react.

Great Britain: “I say, old chap, do you miss King George the Third yet?”

Vladimir Putin (AKA Russia): “Of course this is all according to my plan, but I assure you that no Russian military troops were involved!”

Mexico: “Here’s our counter offer:

  1. “We are willing to pay to build a wall, but we propose a different—but better—location. The wall would be more beneficial to the citizens of both countries if it were constructed about fifty meters outside the right-hand lane of I-495, thereby encircling Washington, DC. This would help maintain control of politicians’ entry into the United States of America mainland.
  2. “The wall will be funded by charging a toll for travel through the numerous tunnels that already exist under the border between our two countries. Since the tunnels are well-engineered, structurally sound, well lit, and either paved or equipped with rail service, it should be easy to add electronic toll transponders. Of course, after the election, there may be many US citizens who will utilize the tunnels to head south in a search for a more placid place to call home, and they would be responsible for paying the toll as well. Please ensure that the EZ-Pass transponder system deposits the fees into Los Estados Unidos de Mexico National Bank.
  3. “Incidentally, we revised our immigration laws in 2011. If you’d like a copy, you can easily get it online.”

North Korea: “As a gesture of confidence in our future relations, we would be most willing to host any of your e-mail servers. I assure you that the DPRK has many well-trained computer specialists, and we would treat your computer as we would treat one of our own.”

Canada: “Hey! No way, hoser! Take off, ay? There are reasons that we prefer to be neighbors rather than family. We like our prime minister just fine, thank you, since he’s cultured and refined. Besides, our beer is much better than yours!”

To My Loyal Constituents – From Your Congressman

flagFrom the Desk of:

Edwin “Duke” Long

United States Representative

114th Congress of the United States of America

 

I am back in Washington, DC, our nation’s capital and already working for all of you back home. As I promised—and as a loyal, ultra-conservative tea-bagger—I stood up to that Ohioan, Congressman John Boehner, and proudly voted against him for Speaker of the House of Representatives. As I promised, I put principles ahead of progress, and commitment over compromise.

 

In the meantime, my staff is busy setting up my new office. It’s a 5 room suite, although they keep saying something about “4 stalls and a closet.” No worries- we’ll get it figured out.

 

I had hoped to continue to serve on the Ways and Means Committee, the Armed Services Committee, and the Finance Committee, but my talents are needed elsewhere. I’ve been selected by Speaker Boehner to bring some sanity to the eleven liberal Democrats on the Climate Committee, where I will be a special congressional representative to the Surgeon General in order to address the serious problem of bovine flatulence.

 

So, remember, stand firm! Stick to your guns whether they make sense or not, and never, ever compromise, even if you actually agree with the other person.

 

Duke


Light Bulbury 2014

xtal

Crystal AM Radio
(During the Second World War, Prisoners of War used a razor blade and a pencil lead in place of the crystal to make secret  radios.)

Along with the demise of the incandescent light bulb (as mentioned yesterday) there have been other fundamental changes in technology. A century ago a radio receiver could be assembled by virtually anyone using items such as a galena crystal, and some wire wrapped around a toilet paper (or similar) tube. The only component you really needed to purchase was a set of headphones.

A transmitter required a bit more – an ignition coil from a car, a tuning coil wrapped around an oatmeal box. The telegraph key was the main purchase item. Incidentally, the construction was called “breadboarding” since the parts were mounted on a piece of wood, such as the board used to cut bread.

Fifty years ago you could tune your car with a set of basic tools usually twice a year. Oil and filter, set of sparkplugs and ignition points, and every so often a new set of sparkplug wires.

Today most people don’t work on their own cars; they take it to a shop where (for $79) the mechanic hooks a device to the car’s computer and the computer reports what the car needs. If that clunking noise isn’t something that the computer tracks, it must not be important.

Electronics – the same way. As a kid if the television wasn’t working right, I’d take the tubes out, ride my bicycle to the Rexall Drugstore, use their tube tester and purchase a replacement tube right there.

Today’s devices aren’t home-repair or experimenter friendly. First, the manufacturers glue everything shut; second, there’s very little in the way of documentation.

I guess I’d like to point to today’s kids and complain that they spend all their time playing video games and texting, but can’t. If there’s no 21st century equivalent of a mechanical alarm clock begging to be taken apart, just to see how it works, how can we get them excited? Kids are still naturally curious – now we have to figure out how to feed their curiosity.

How Do I See the End of 2013?

It is with some degree of sadness that I mark the passing of the incandescent light bulb.

Actually it is for one reason in particular – you could understand, and therefore teach others how a light bulb work. If you run electricity through a high resistance wire, the electric energy becomes heat and light.

You could tell your kids how Thomas Alva Edison knew he needed the resistance, and a vacuum would keep the filament from burning out immediately. How, as he tried different materials for the filament, he said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” How Edison then went on to invent many things – how to record sound, motion pictures, medical fluoroscopy and how these inventions spawned whole industries.

How it was this date in 1879 when Edison first demonstrated the light bulb to the public and that one of those basic light bulbs has been glowing almost continuously for 112 years.

How when you add a second electrode to an incandescent light bulb and you have a diode rectifier; add a third, making a triode that can amplify an electric signal – an important step leading to the proliferation of radio and eventually television.

What a great teaching tool!

Gone.

Can you clearly explain how an energy efficient compact fluorescent bulb works? How about an LEDs (light emitting diode)?

Didn’t think so – me either.

Gettysburg

g

It used to be a common requirement for students to memorize Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. If you’re not familiar with it, try this link. http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/gtsburgaddress.htm

The Battle of Gettysburg is generally accepted as the turning point in America’s Civil War. The Confederacy’s Army of Northern Virginia crossed into the Northern states of Maryland and Pennsylvania, with the first engagement on 1 July 1863. On 4 July, General Lee called for the Confederate Army to retreat. Over 50 thousand soldiers – representing both sides – were killed, wounded or missing. It took nearly two weeks to bury the dead. The priority was to bury the Northern dead, so many Confederate soldiers were unable to be moved due to the summer heat and decomposition, so they were buried where they fell. The Union soldiers did not fare much better, originally being buried in shallow graves. A proper cemetery was deemed appropriate.

The National Cemetery was dedicated on 19 November 1863. President Abraham Lincoln’s speech followed a rousing two hour oration by Edward Everett. Lincoln’s speech was barely two minutes.

Few today know who Everett was much less what he said.

Lincoln’s few words are remembered and revered.

Vote for ME!

vote

Election Day is around the corner, and here’s what I want from my elected officials.

You should look like me; as a matter of fact if you’re Polish-German-Catholic-American with greying hair and hazel eyes, even better. In fact, it would probably be best if you had grown up in my neighborhood.

I want all the people who earn more than I do to pay more taxes, but index it so if someday I earn more, those taxes won’t affect me.

And while you’re at it, stop giving food stamps, unemployment, health care or any other kind of help to those who earn less than I do. They should just drag their respirators and dialysis machines and get back to work.

I want my taxes to go down, the school where my kids are to get more money and we need better roads – at least the ones that I drive on a regular basis. Oh, and no tolls on the roads, bridges or tunnels that I use.

You know my views on global warming, abortion and gun control, so don’t screw those up.

Now, remember, that this election isn’t a biggie, so if it’s raining, or windy, or I just feel like sleeping in, I may not make it to the polling booth. Even so, I expect you to bend over backwards to represent me.

After all, I’m a voter, and you need me.

American Superstitions

ladder

Every culture has its beliefs and superstitions, and they cling to them against all logic or persuasion.

The Romans believed that spilling salt was bad. The Druids believed that when you spoke of something you hoped for it was important to knock on wood to garner the sprits’ support.

America has its own strange and implausible superstitions:

  • No matter how full the dishwasher is, somehow, the coffee cup you’re holding will magically fit.
  • If you look at a leftover and decide it looks a bit old, putting it back in the refrigerator will make it so somebody else will actually eat it.
  • Milk tastes better if you drink it directly from the jug rather than using a glass.
  • As soon as you throw the single mismatched sock into the trash, its mate will show up.
  • If you pick up a pen and it won’t write, you should put it back where you found it because it will magically work in the future.
  • Rental vehicles are built to a higher engineering standard than those sold to the public; this is why you can subject them to things like driving through open fields or shifting into reverse at highway speeds.
  • Talk show hosts are bound to strict ethical standards, so you can trust what they say.

And my personal favorite:

  • If you read it on the Internet, it has to be true.

The Flag and Other Symbols

 

Like many Americans, I fly the flag from my porch. Even with a high quality sewn nylon flag, after about a year, it begins to look a bit tired and starts to fade. Yesterday I replaced the old one, and my son asked me, “What’s the big deal about a flag? I could see it if we were in the 14th century charging on horseback with spears and swords, but why is it such a big deal?”

Interesting question, and I’m not sure I was able to adequately answer, but here’s what I tried.

There are certain things that are bigger than we are, and they often are beliefs. It could be faith, patriotism or some other value – we can’t discern them directly, so we use symbols to represent them. It’s not the flag itself but the ideals that it stands for that makes the flag important.

He wasn’t entirely satisfied with that explanation, but I believe that’s to be expected. It takes a certain maturity and wisdom to understand that there are ideas and values more important than any one person. Sadly, it seems as though some people never make that leap and are doomed to being limited to loving power or wealth or other material things.

Thinking Out Loud

balloon

Sometimes ideas in my mind sound totally different when I say them out loud.

Often, I’ll have a great idea when in the shower, and after getting to work I excitedly share it with someone.

But once I say it out loud, it sounds like the stupidest thing I could have ever said.

That’s why I like working as part of a team. Bad ideas can be dispensed with quickly, or better yet, someone will respond with something like, “That’s stupid, but if we turn it sideways and paint it blue, it just might work.” That’s how ideas grow.

Yesterday on my way home from work, I was talking with my father on the telephone. Like everyone else who works for the government, I’m less than enthralled with Congress. As we were talking, I blurted out that even though it was disruptive to be furloughed again, I’m still blessed to have a job when many of my chronological peers are not so blessed.

It’s easy to forget the good stuff.

My advice – Don’t.

The Government is Shutting Down!

You’ve reached the United States Government. We’re closed right now.  If you receive this message during regular working hours, it means that we were not funded. Please try your call later. Thank you.

It’s the lead story on the news, it’s the end of life as we know it! (Details at eleven) And, of course, it’s someone else’s fault.

What will we do? What will we do?

Unless God wills otherwise, tomorrow, the sun will come up.

Most of those with a job will go to work. Children will go to school.

People will eat and sleep. Children will play at recess. Babies will be born. And yes, someone’s grandpa may die.

So what will be different?

If you were planning a luxurious trip to some exotic island, your passport may be delayed.

Your government grant for studying the nocturnal feeding habits of black footed ferrets in the high plains won’t be funded just yet.

Our lives will go on.

And maybe some people will realize that the politicians are neither as important nor as powerful as they’d have us believe.

On the other hand, God is.

Time for a Little Political Philosophy

It’s a bit long – sorry.

After the Civil War, the South had a habit of avoiding Republicans. Lincoln was a Republican. After the war, the radical Republicans in the US Congress wanted the “Reconstruction” of the South to be as long and painful as possible. Oh, and profitable for them and their cronies.

Until the mid-1960s – literally a century after the war, elections in the South often dispensed with any Republican candidate in the general election leading to a runoff between the Democrats. The “Solid South” could thus be counted on to elect many Democrats to local, state and federal offices.

Not all Southern Democrats were alike. There were radical conservatives like the Dixiecrats, who were anti-black, anti-Catholic, anti-Semitic and some say the political arm of the Ku Klux Klan. However, most Democrats were moderates or liberals.

This was an advantage in politics. If two people or two parties are going to strike a deal, they have to negotiate an arrangement that each finds acceptable. With Democrats representing a range of attitudes, it was the idea that drove political negotiation, not the political affiliation. This was repeated to a certain extent in the mid-1990s, when conservative Democrats caucused as “Blue Dog” Democrats. Once again this provided the opportunity for successful negotiations within the Congress.

Today, too many politicians – screaming liberals and the ultra-conservative Tea Partiers alike – are so focused on performing political theatrics for their political base that they ignore their duty to do what is in the best interest of the nation as a whole.

Why do I bring this up?

I’m seeing a trend among both voters and candidates who are leaving the Republican Party in favor of becoming moderate or even conservative Democrats. In discussions with them, I am led to believe that these are critical thinkers. This is a key point.

In our system our system of government, correctly called a democratic-republic the people vote for their representatives who go to Washington DC to, well, represent. When we elect these people, some voters will never waver from their position; they are loyal to the party or position regardless of any other circumstances. This may be due to a single issue (abortion, gun rights, marijuana) or to an overall stance (think Archie Bunker.)

The decisions, therefore, belong to those “swing voters” who make a decision based on other factors. They are the key to winning, which is why, during the last presidential election, both the candidates and the media focused to an extraordinary degree on the swing states. The Democrats didn’t worry about New York and the Republicans didn’t worry about Texas. Instead, everyone focused on the swing states of Colorado, Florida, Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Ohio, Virginia and Wisconsin.

We may be seeing the emergence of swing voters who are moving from the Republican Party to the Democrats but representing a more rational than ideological position.

Could be interesting.

Workers’ Day

Labor Day was not created to mark the end of summer. Those who labor to produce the products and services that fuel the American economy are far more important than we often think. We fall into the trap of thinking that my job is important, but the guy or gal who does [fill in the blank] is not quite as valuable.

We need to celebrate and honor all honest labor. If you don’t believe me, ask someone who’s dealt with a strike by the garbage collectors.

We college graduates like to think that our great thoughts are important, but compare that to someone who can make a car engine purr, or work with structural steel hundreds of feet in the air. How do you compete with that?

You don’t. You learn to stop and look and appreciate such work and those who can do such things.

There’s an old saying that “The worker is worth his wages.” We were taught that by a carpenter, who learned his trade from his father. He worked with his hands, then went on to change the world.

Fresh Sets of Eyes

The comedian Gallagher pointed out that to really understand something you need a fresh set of eyes.  He’d use examples of his daughter’s description of things, such as calling a restaurant a “dinner store.”

We’re in Washington, DC.  As our nation’s capital, it is somewhat surprising to see how cosmopolitan it is.  Take every dialect, every style of clothing, evidence of every religion, mix thoroughly and you have the District.

I’m not naïve, and have seen parking lots covered with the cones the police use to mark bullet casings and other evidence.  That happens with every large city.

But with Washington, the thing that has struck me this trip is talking with the people who are first generation Americans.  There is a common theme.  They came to raise their children – many who were not yet born when they arrived. How they learned the language.  How they learned to coordinate – to fit in without losing themselves and their heritage.

I guess as a melting pot America does not reduce its people to a homogenous consommé, but instead to a rich collection of flavors that contrast with one another.  The spicy with the tart; the savory with the subtle in a wonderful blend.

But the best part is that as we’ve talked to people, so many have expressed a common theme.  They came here – they became Americans because of opportunity.  Not a guarantee or a promise – but a chance.

And then I remembered being told that my own great-grandfather came here from Poland in the 19th century for the same reasons, with the same challenges, and the same dreams.

Economy Turns!

school

In spite of the Federal Reserve, the US Department of the Treasury, the World Monetary Fund, Bernie Madoff, Congress and even Donald Trump, indications are that the last few weeks have shown an incredible turnaround in the economy.

However, based on in depth analysis, most of this is due to buying back-to-school supplies and clothes, and can be expected to be a relatively short term phenomenon.

Several parents were interviewed outside various retail stores. Most had the deer-in-the-headlight look, and several were staring in disbelief at empty wallets. One father suffered second degree burns after putting his credit card directly back into his pocket immediately after outfitting his six kids.

Although politicians have claimed credit, economists have pointed instead to the American school teacher as the cause. Although the back to school season will soon be over, any good news is – well – good news.

Let’s Fix the Post Office

It's Mr. Zip! He'll fix it!

It’s Mr. Zip! He’ll fix it!

 

We really need to do something about the United States Postal Service (USPS).

1. Their business plan has been to focus on junk mail because it is more profitable in the short run. Never mind that the junk mail goes immediately from the mailbox to the trash or recycling 99% of the time, and eliminating it might be the single largest contribution to solving global warming. Think of all the carbon released making paper, delivering paper to the printer, printing the junk mail, delivering it to the post office, forwarding it from there to the receiving post office and delivering it. Oh, and don’t forget the exhaust from garbage or recycling truck that then takes it away.

How many big businesses went under because to focusing on the short term?

2. The Postal Service is closing facilities in the name of efficiency while sacrificing effectiveness. A birthday card from my house to a neighbor no longer goes 6 miles to downtown Norfolk and back in one day. All that mail now goes 105 miles to Richmond and back in two days. Did I mention how all this transportation by the USPS contributes to global warming?

Plus it takes longer to deliver.

3. The latest brainstorm for the USPS is to compete with FedEx, UPS, and the other successful package delivery systems. So how’s that going?

  • I ordered an item from Mumbai, India on August 15. The Indian postal system showed the item dropped off at the Mumbai Airport Sorting Office on August 17 and arrived in New York (7809 miles) on August 18, at which point it:
    • was handed off to the USPS
    • status on its progress is no longer available
  • I ordered another item from Ames, Iowa, USA on August 13. This item was put into the mail on August 14 and sent to the USPS sorting facility in Des Moines, IA the same day (distance, 34 miles). This morning (August 21) it departed the Des Moines, IA sorting facility after a fun-filled, all expense paid week there.

Mind you, when I ship something, I use the USPS whenever possible. If I sell something on eBay, I send it Priority Mail (2-3 days) in a “if it fits, it ships” box. I purchase the postage on-line and print out an official USPS barcoded label. I’m trying to do my part.

So, c’mon guys. Dump the junk mail and compete like you want to win.

Thieves, Scoundrels and Billionaires

 

baronsOur current economy is due, to a large part, to those who had the knowledge, the ability and the guile to work the system.

The executives of companies “too big to fail” who skimmed the profits, got a government bailout and paid themselves bonuses out of the bailout.

The mortgage company executives who made questionable loans and bundled them so that the risk was no longer identifiable.

The derivative traders who made the investment instruments so complicated that no one knew what they were worth.

We’ve always had those types.

But somehow the Medicis and their contemporaries gave us the art of the Renaissance.

The robber barons gave us coast to coast railroads and telegraphs.

I don’t credit the rich and powerful for these benefits. Instead, I think this is God’s “will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Even the greediest, most despicable person’s actions will ultimately reflect God’s will.

It’s a comforting thought.

It’s a Wonderful Life

Frank Capra

Frank Capra

I happened to run across some information about Frank Capra the academy award winning  motion picture director. You may know him for “It’s a Wonderful Life,” starring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed – a Christmas staple. If you grew up in the fifties or sixties you may also have enjoyed a reprieve from your science textbook to watch the sixteen millimeter films “Our Mr. Sun,” and “Hemo the Magnificant,” also directed by Frank Capra.

Capra came to America from Italy at the age of six, and was the embodiment of the American dream.

He believed in democracy, freedom and that man could and should do good.

Toward the end of his career he regretted the film industry’s attitude of anything for a buck. He abhorred its reliance on shock to attract audiences. He condemned its focus on nudity, violence and especially in dredging up the evil in men.

Today, almost all media has taken this path. Cable television. The Internet. The “News.”

I understand that evil is in this world, but things become evil when the goodness is removed, just as we have darkness when the light is removed.

This world as God intended was created good. Fortunately, there will always be people who aspire to do good; who try to treat others with respect; who value decency, and freedom, and who see the good in the world and their fellow man. Who try to fill the void of evil with good.

Frank Capra was one such man.

You Should Be Fired

I intentionally try to avoid political topics – Lord knows our nation is divided enough. From time to time, though I feel I need to point out the obvious.

fired

If I contract with somebody to build a house for me, and after selling my existing home, I find that my new home is not only not complete, but barely started, what will I do? I don’t care if the electricians blame the plumbers. I don’t care if the plumbers all say it’s the carpenters’ fault. I hired a contractor to build me a house, and there’s no house.

If we send people to Congress, we likewise expect that they are going to do what we sent them to do. I don’t care if the Republicans blame the Democrats, the Democrats blame the Republicans. The Congress has not done their job.

People who don’t do their jobs should be fired.

Do we have a workable budget? No.

We’re sending money to countries that don’t even have a government while we’re making the employees of our government take time off without pay.

Except, of course, for Congress.

Therefore I suggest that we call Congress on the carpet and fire them. Every one of them.

Yes, I know your Congressman was able to get his/her district funding for [Insert your pet project here]. I don’t care, and neither should you if your project is at the expense of the nation as a whole.

We’re not a series of independent and competing congressional districts. We’re a nation. “One nation, under God, indivisible.”

Send an letter/e-mail/whatever to your senators and congressional representative and tell them that based on the performance of Congress as a whole, unless things change you’re going to vote against all incumbents at the federal level in hopes that the next Congress understands for whom they work, and what is expected.

Independence Day

1776 Ben Frnaklin telling John Adams, "Don't worry, the history books will clean it up."

1776
Ben Franklin telling John Adams, “Don’t worry, the history books will clean it up.”

It’s July 2nd – the day in 1776 when the Continental Congress voted for independence. John Adams predicted fairly accurately how we’d celebrate Independence Day, with parades, fireworks and such, but he figured that we’d celebrate the second, not the fourth.

The Declaration of Independence was approved on July 4th, which is why that date appears at the top of the document; “In Congress, July 4, 1776”, but the motion was voted on and approves on the second.

Incidentally, most of the delegates signed the Declaration on August 4th, not July 4th, with the last signature, Thomas McKean not being added until 1781.

However, this is all trivia. It makes things interesting, but does not detract from the importance of the event. A handful of accomplished but very human (i.e. flawed) men worked through their differences and created this great country of ours.

When we despair at the political antics we see today, perhaps it is good to remember that beloved Thomas Jefferson came in second to John Adams and therefore was Adams’ vice president. The next election cycle he hired an expert to run a vicious campaign against Adams accusing him of being a hermaphrodite, among other things. (For an interesting Mental Floss/CNN article, click [HERE]).

Our democratic republic is hardly perfect, but I argue that it’s as good as we humans can do.

P.S. As you know, I enjoy the Musical/Movie “1776” and have tried to make it a family tradition to watch it the weekend closest to the 4th. Unfortunately, there’s not too much enthusiasm, and in a year when I’m down to one child without a driver’s license, the chance for it becoming a tradition will be gone.

Despicable People

Gollum The Lord of the Rings

Gollum
The Lord of the Rings

There have always been evil people. Nero. Genghis Khan. You know the type.

But there are some people who defy description when it comes to being devious.

Like the guy who decided to put the candy at eye (and hand level) for kids sitting in the grocery buggy seat.

The evil genius who decided that towels in public restrooms should be dispensed so that you have to tug on the paper towel with soggy hands.

The fiend who decided that the lever on some cars used to shift gears would control the wipers on others.

The American publisher who decided that news articles would not occupy a single page but would be continued on page 10.

So be careful – you never know what they’ll come up with next.