Tag Archives: Washington

The Washington Redskins Dilemma Solved!

 

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As you know, I’m not much of a sports fan. I also think that most sports teams have strange names.

“The Mighty Ducks?” It’s a good thing it’s not a theological college, or else it might have been “The Almighty Ducks!”

In college I had a nodding interest in football since I was in marching band at the University of Toledo. Toledo’s mascot was “The Rockets—not too bad, really. I thought Kent State University had the weirdest nickname – “The Golden Flashes”; the band cheer when playing Kent was, “What the hell’s a golden flash?”

But then I did my graduate studies at the University of Akron – the home of the “Zips.”

I understand the Washington football team’s problem. Imagine if they were the “Honkies?” – or “the Micks”, “the Wops”, or “the United States Congress!” However, if they are dead set on keeping the name “Redskins” all they have to do is

(Wait for it)

Change the graphics to redskin peanuts!

Imagine the sports commentators, being able to say such things as:

“Well, Washington’s offensive strategy is a typical nut job once again this week.”

“The quarterback is getting ready to pass! There goes the Peanut into the pocket!”

“The Peanuts sacked the Browns quarterback!”

“Washington is favored by at least 7 points against the Ravens, so it’s fair to say that the Ravens are suffering from a severe case of Peanuts envy.”

Far Out Vacation

Cheech & Chong(Back in the Day)

Cheech & Chong
(Back in the Day)

Some friends of mine decided to take a vacation trip to one of the states that has recently legalized marijuana. Not exactly my cup of tea, but to each his own.  They’ve never entirely left the sixties.

However, curiosity got the best of me so I stopped over to see if their trip had met their expectations.

“So how was the vacation?” I asked.

“Ummmm. I’m not sure. I sort of can’t remember it,” he said.

“Well, where did you finally decide to go?” I continued.

“I think was either Washington or Colorado,” he answered somewhat vaguely.

“I wish we’d taken pictures,” added his wife. “All I know is it’s a week later and we’ve each gained 20 pounds.”

As for me, I think I’ll stick with Universal Studios and Disney.

There’s Nothing to Write About

Okay, I actually have been very busy with Thanksgiving, setting up the Christmas decorations, soccer tournaments, etc., but I keep looking for something new to write about. In the last month we’ve had elections, economic reports, coups, countercoups, threats, counter threats, but what is really different?

Economists are saying recovery is just around the corner again/still.

The economy is still in the dumper again/still.

Washington is gridlocked again/still.

Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again/still.

Our president is the president again/still.

Everyone says we have to solve the tax / deficit / immigration / jobs / global warming problem again/still.

No one is actually willing to do anything about the tax / deficit / immigration / jobs / global warming problem again/still.

I keep looking for something – anything – that is new enough to inspire me, but, alas, I continue to fail. And I mean really fail. I’ve tried to write another science fiction serial, but there needs to be something, instead of nothing, which is what we’ve got.

(Even the graphic I tried to put here showed up as nothing…..)Fortunately, there is enough nothing to go around. If every American had his fill of nothing every day through the holidays and well into next year, there would still be enough nothing left for future generations.

Wal-Mart considered outsourcing nothing to lower cost Asian and Central American companies, but these emerging economies wanted nothing to do with it.

Jerry Seinfeld already did a television series about nothing, so there’s nothing to be done there.

So we have to ask ourselves, “Is nothing sacred?”

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Style vs. Substance

NPR had an interesting piece on “All Things Considered” (<- Click for link) in which they rated presidents in terms of charisma. The last question by the interviewer was, “Could Washington be elected today?” The answer was “I don’t think Washington would have a prayer of being elected president today.”

Sorry, George.

How sad.

I accept the fact that it takes a different set of skills to get a job than it takes to actually do that job – perhaps with the exception of accountants and actuaries. Somehow I can’t envision a truly great CPA as being the model of wit and charm in an interview. It’s like hiring a skinny chef – something is wrong with that picture. I’d suspect a charming accountant of cooking the books and stealing from me, and a skinny chef as, well, not really capable of cooking anything.

I guess we are so enamored with style that we have given up on substance in many areas of our life. Roses used to have a distinctively pleasant aroma; in order to have a hardier, more commercially viable flower we essentially bred out the smell. A rose by any other hybrid name, does not, in fact, smell as sweet.

So we weed out Washington and the Jefferson and without a doubt the “obnoxious and disliked” John Adams in our quest for a prettier package.

Be careful of what you wish for, you just might get it.